stupid me

Mar 02, 2010, 01:52 PM

couldn't sleep well last night, I kept having dreams about bears

Mar 09, 2010, 10:42 PM

I remember my visualization journey into my mind, into the homes of 2 alts. Or ego states. Or whatever you want to call them. (I don't care much anymore since I pushed them so deep down) and I remember there was one place I couldn't go. I remember hearing the cries for help from my very evil alt but I knew if I went there something really bad would happen and I would just break.

Mar 17, 2010, 01:22 AM

I was nicely held together for a little bit until these past few days when the contents of my brain feels like sand slowly swishing it's way out of a sieve. (diffrent because sand =/= water) this time it's worse, even little day to day things, I keep forgetting

anderson · Mar 17, 2010, 01:45 PM

((((KAIKA))) I am sorry you are feeling like this. we Wished we could be more surportive right now but please know that we are wishing you well and safe hugs from all of us with in.

Mar 21, 2010, 11:08 PM

trying to push things bubbling up back down as now is not a good time to deal as I'm trying to get back on my feet

anderson · Mar 23, 2010, 07:50 PM

(((((((Kaika)))))) we all send a safe light to surrond you and keep you safe.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaika

trying to push things bubbling up back down as now is not a good time to deal as I'm trying to get back on my feet

Mar 28, 2010, 05:12 PM

Starting yesterday and continuing onto today my feelings have gotten bad again. I get the feeling that I don't belong here. Not here as in PC but here as in this world. Like, I wasn't supposed to still be alive at this point, that I wasn't supposed to grow up into being an adult. Where I am now, it's not my world, I shouldn't be here.

Thinking about it, it was actually a few day ago this started, thinking about how useless my individual life is on Thursday. I didn't make a thread about these feelings in the depression forum because suicidal posts aren't allowed. But right now I'm not feeling suicidal so much as just really sad.

anderson · Mar 28, 2010, 05:56 PM

(((Kiaka)))) All of us feel sad and the heavness of the past abuse does make us feel worthless at times but even with this post you are helping others as well as your self. We have been sleeping most of the day and night because we could not let go of the pain of the past of claming our right to choice our own future. Please remember You are wanted and need. You are more then your past, You are more then the abuse. You are a healer and a surviver that has lots of knowledge to help other to heal here in PC world. Remember that when you feel so down.For us we started to leave positve note around our room to help remind us of all the good things we do have. Our friends even helped us by making posters so when an new alter arrived it known that they where wanted.

FooZe · Mar 28, 2010, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaika

I get the feeling that I don't belong here. Not here as in PC but here as in this world. Like, I wasn't supposed to still be alive at this point, that I wasn't supposed to grow up into being an adult. Where I am now, it's not my world, I shouldn't be here.

Stake a claim on it and hang in there. You have just as much right as the rest of us.

Hunny · Mar 29, 2010, 02:36 AM

Kaika, it is true you are a healer.

Thank you for your candor here. It helped me to feel not so alone today. But, having stated that, I hope things are improving for you, that you are finding your purpose and that these feelings can be sorted through and you might be able to find out what is going on for you.

Hunny

genn · Mar 29, 2010, 04:57 AM

((((((kaika))))) you are i n my thoughts huney. Love you!!

genn, (bee safe)

Mar 29, 2010, 03:03 PM

today has been a lot better

anderson · Mar 29, 2010, 05:47 PM

Thank you , Kaika we are glad that you are doing better

Mar 30, 2010, 12:02 PM

today it is raining so it's a lazy day, but it's not depressing

anderson · Mar 30, 2010, 01:20 PM

We are glade that you have a good day. We to are greatful for the days that are good even if it be raining out side thank you for the letting us remember the good days.

Apr 02, 2010, 07:07 PM

I remembered I was an adult last night and that it's perfectly acceptable for an adult to want adult relationships.

Apr 04, 2010, 06:45 PM

Today my brother was driving mom and I home and we were driving down this street and he said it was weird driving down this street now since we used to live there. It's really, really annoying not remembering stuff like that.

anderson · Apr 04, 2010, 07:27 PM

We still have times like that. We are sharing more and more. but yes there are time that we feel that we should feel differently but don't. The younger ones are now letting us come forward more quickly to keep safe.

Apr 04, 2010, 09:12 PM

maybe when I move to Savannah for college (hopefully- it is my college of choice) then my dad can better explain some things too me. He knows something that my brother and I don't know but he's not going to tell us until "we're older" which is funny because we are both adults. I'm guessing it's because we are both still dependent on him and mom (and step-parents too)

anderson · Apr 05, 2010, 03:26 PM

Ya! the adacity of parents wanting to protect us yet still not realising that sometimes the lack of knowledge is more harmful. I have found out that at times those that know the truth at times keep it more to protect themselves then the ones that they say they are. AT times it can be just from the inability of protecting those they love but still in keeping the code of silence. They are more honouring the abuser instead of the person recovering from the abuse.
Good luck and thanks for this thread.