possible part with psychosis

my psychiatrist/therapist believes i may have a part that is psychotic....and i beleive this as well. Does anyone here have a psychotic part?? It has been so scary being this part at times and being in the hospital to try to come to terms with this part. I was so close to going back inpatient last night.i actually hope no one here has had to deal with this for your sake but if anybody has or has suggestions i would very much appreciate it.......kasva

yes I have had alters that were psychotic where they would be paranoid and hallucinating that our abusers were just in the other room ready to come attacking, hallucinating that they were at the windows ready to bust through to come get me, would know the moment I said anything and would come after me) smelling / hearing things that the alters felt were real but was only a hallucination or flashback, alters that act out things that seemed like had no connection to the present. alters that had their own realities and internal worlds that had no connection to the present. One of them was so sure they lived on a desert island like Gilligan's island. it took some time to get that one to understand we lived in america not some deserted island and they did not have to keep looking for coconuts and banana's for fear of starving on this island. I had some alters where they were so out of touch with the present reality that they were unable to speak coherently. they had made up their own language, English wasn't real to them their made up language was the reality for them. I had alters that appeared to go through depression and mania so I was at one time given the diagnosis of bipolar disorder, I had alters that refused to take any form of meds even vitamins because they felt the meds were poisoning their bodies. some had such disorganized thinking that it took a real long time to put their experiences into some coherent order and figure out what needed to be done for them. I had a few alters that slept in the closet and shook with fear all night because they believed the monster was in their bed and they had to hide from the monster. I had one alter who would throw all the food from the fridge in a corner, take out the shelves and light bulb, sit in the fridge holding a butcher knife, peeking out the door waiting for danger to come. if anyone came near she would start swinging that knife around until the person backed off then climb back into the fridge.

I have since learned from my therapists and classes that having psychotic alters like this is considered pretty normal for people with DID and that a majority of people with DID do have at least one or two alters most more than that, that are so out of touch with reality that they have built their own safe worlds and belief systems and function in ways that we consider abnormal, strange and sometimes dangerous.

the way my therapists and I handled such things was just slowly working our way through the memories that were causing psychotic alters to be the way they were. eventually all was uncovered and they merged and became one with me as one whole person. Sometimes I still get the urges to find a place to hide around the house, feel like I need a butcher knife to protect myself, escape to a desert island, sleep in the closet, cravings for coconut and bananas. but when it happens I call my therapist and we talk about my day, usually turns out that I have had a very stressful day so my mind is trying to protect me in the ways of the past. After my therapist and I take and come up with a list of things to do I'm fine again. being one whole person sure is hell sometimes. But wouldn't trade it for how things were before we all became one.

Kasva, our angy teen alter Mick has intense flashbacks complete with auditory haulucinations and even visual ones at times. We thought she might be psychotic and asked T. He said "no" and said that in our case it was because Mick holds the most painful memories and she was having flashbacks. He explained that flashbacks are a normal result of PTSD while psychosis is not.

Because he is an expert in psychiatric testing and evaluation, I can accept what he said and that made me feel a lot better knowing it was not psychosis.

thank you so much for rplying it is very helpful not to be alone in all of this scariness

tthankyou so much for repling it helps to hear other peoples experiences and makes me not feel so alone in all of this.