[anderson]

we be so angry inside we have no words
WE just pulling our hair out trying to make sence of all that is going on inside and out.


We just want to reast from all the pain we just need to feel safe somewhere too. Why that be so hard to do to feel safe from all the pain inside?????????????????????????????????????????????????????

[krazy_phoenix]

Dear, dear anderson, ((((((((((((anderson))))))))))))

You offer so many insight, a calm perspective, support, plus much more here on PC, yet my heart breaks for you that you have so much pain bubbling up from inside and out that you continue to endure.

PC is fabulous that we are all able to offer each other a kind word and non-judgemental ear, but I so would like to put friendly arms around you and give you a genuine heartfelt hug (if that would be alright). As I'm in another country to you, please wrap your arms around yourself and accept a hug from me to you in friendship and support.

Here and listening,
kp

......robert frost.......one of my favorites......hope it helps......a lil'bit
..................I took the on less traveled by................
and anderson........this is how and when the healing starts.......
............I'm feelin' yaa darlin'.......I'm feelin' yaa......sparrow


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

[kasva]

oh anderson i wish i could help..hugs for all of you if okay.........kasva

[just2b]

Hugs Anderson!!!!

[Hunny]

Anderson,

Anger is okay, the being unsafe is not! Where can you get to for safety today!?

We'd be tellin' you to calm down but frankly I/we understand this huge need the internal and external push pull on inside and out. We had many days of complete fear and anger as we were not able to get people to understand our need for safety! For now, safety has come for first time in years, but lurking near is the possibility of that not being the case.

You deserve safety (((((Anderson)))), however for the time being, you may need this 'tiger roar' for endurance. Please welcome the strength it gives you but keep safe in midst too, kay?

Can you share a bit more about what is going on, if you want to? This intensity may subside or you will have to find a safer place, that is just how it is!

In meantime know your PC friends are near as a computer key.

Love
Hunny

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[Miracle1986]

((((anderson))))

[anderson]

I sorry we fighting inside. we no know what to do cause we have a splite of what we want. stay or go, but even if we go will it be diferent we no know just tired of the fighting, tired of not knowing if those that hurt us will leave us alone, tired of wondering if those that we gave our trust to finely see the pain that they have caused us and change how they treat us or are we destened to be physcally near poeple that no want to understand us. In the past 3 years each time we thought we finely got someone to hear us we found out later that they thought we switched that we be so different from before with no memior of what happened before. we cry cause they no let us heal with or be with our son in safe place. No one heard our ppain for the present all they heard is that we still live in past. we cry of all the things that we have lost and wonder will we every be able to heal and have some where that be safe for us or are we going for another repeat. are we in the eye of the storm again waiting for it to move to cause us more pain. for even though we may be different in how we carry ourselfs from the joining of souls we still remember that which took place in the body. When we ask after 3 year is this all that there is??????? we just shake our heads in loss faith of man anf the community around us that choice to teach others to hate that which is different. Or have we finely proved our selfs we no want to go thoiugh this no more we wang to go but when we fight inside outsiders win for we have no strenght to unite and be as one. we just tired and no know what to believe even in our selfs.

[loveregardless]

we send you love and poems.

[WePow]

(((((anderson )))))

Keep talking and sharing. Keep working on the inside too and give all parts a voice.
Why not start a thread just to allow the parts to each share something about who they are as a reply to your first post as a question to them?

The more you know who they are and see what it is they are trying to do to keep the whole safe, the easier it is for the others inside to understand them.

Right now it sounds like you might feel like you live in a house full of strangers?
If that is the case, maybe it is time to have an internal welcome home party?

More hugs! (((anderson)))

[anderson]

((((WePow)))) yes it is like a house of strangers. With the last group dropping their internal walls. It is so hard to work as one when it comes to some things we are a house divided with no where to go at this moment. In the past 3 years all most all that we thought could trust have turned their backs on us and let those that hurt us near us cause they were told that is what we wanted when they be near us. but we no wanted them. the didvied is if they no trust us before why should they change now. can we say our real pain here we no know we just scared hurt and even when we are near certain people we still sacred that they turn on us again. cause those that no like us will say stuf again.

[Hunny]

Well not the same exactly Anderson but we had some people, a few years ago, who we thought were friends show they care but then found some were just using us and some were indifferent and so the others went along with it. Then when a lady that used us royally came near to them they went with her. It is crazy but she be an abuser to her own family member we discovered and well that just shot our anger level through the roof. They would choose a brute instead of the hard road like Sparrow mentioned!

None came away and did a kindness on their own to us, as an individual to an individual...funny how even as adults the abusers run in packs (they often intimidate many at a time to keep the power). Like you say Anderson they try to get power that way and truly flaunt it. From the smallest cog in the abusers arsenal to the one right beside them.

Then the family of origin returned into our life and onslaughted me/us with their particular caustic and cruel 'pack mannerisms' way of behaving. They pretend and are in denial they know anything about anything but are spoiled prissy little brats. They received everything and they act like it, again flaunting their cruelty.

Of course it is impractical and somewhat frightening to think even people here will be trustworthy afterall this has gone on. It takes a long time to risk again...a very long time...you are doing just fine (and well we swim free from their crazy-making ways). Nothing is worth that kind of pain. They never apologise, they never think they ever have done one thing wrong but their apathy and selective muteness gives them away on a daily basis!

Praying you have clarity soon, that the decisions you need to make will come clear to you and that if they are not made absolutely clear that you be given the strength you need to endure but only within a safe time-frame, hoping that you will not have to live without a physical home too much longer.

One step at a time, okay, Anderson.

Love,
Hunny


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