I need an owners manual!

Ok, I understand that therapy sessions are going to be different depending on who you see, but when do you start really mapping out your system? I think the most confusing thing is I don't know who is the host and who are the alters. And I don't know if I am supposed to give in to it. If I feel like a teenager is it ok to whip out a tie dye or an old Metallica t-shirt? My therapist told me he didn't know. I also understand that he is encouraging me to make my own decisions but I can't pick out a shade of nail polish let alone figure out what the rules are in my system. I have stopped seeing this person and yesterday made an appointment with a woman who has a private practice. I don't like waiting in a room and chancing seeing someone I know. (It happened after seeing the psychiatrist - a family friend recognized me and it was as the secretary reviewed the meds that the doc gave me and I was mortified. Can you say HIPPA violation?) I feel some inner peace knowing I don't have to go back there.
I know I have alters, I feel the shifts, but I don't feel like I know their name or a whole lot about them until the shift happens. I shift constantly and get really bad headaches. Any suggestions?

1st - learn as much as you can about DID.
http://www.isst-d.org/education/Adul...D-JTD-2005.pdf
This is a wonderful link with tons of info.

2nd - do not force anything. Just allow things to come out as they come out. That includes alters. They do hide from us at times until they are ready to reveal themselves. There is a reason for this that they understand.

It takes a ton of hard work to navigate the DID ocean. But a T with experience in that area can make it a lot better. Also, be sure to have a safety plan in place for yourself. Because with alters comes trauma memories and hidden flashbacks. Those suck. So you first have to be able to safely manage the darkness when it comes.

crazyglue,

Many times I have thought the same thing, that I would like a guide on how to do things and how things work. There are sometimes that our host gets so frustrated and overwhelmed that she leaves, well that seems like it is more often than not lately. Once you find a T that you trust it makes it easier. We rely on our counselor to help us with suggestions on how to handle new things that come up, but ultimately it is us inside that have to do the work ourselves because no one is going to be able to come inside and help us out like that. He is our only constant support right now and we use him for lots of different things. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that we could be surviving right now if he was not there, but much of the hard work that needs done can only be done by us lucky enough to be inside (although he does play a very important role in all of our safety plans). One thing that our counselor suggested was to make a family/meeting room in our house (we live in a spectacular house inside, but it used to be pretty shabby and run down). We had everyone have their own chair which they designed themselves. Then we made 2 communication journals, one inside and one out here in the outside world. Our host asked everyone to write in the journal, or draw if they are too young to write when they could. There are some of us inside that do not venture outside of the house and so we have a journal inside for them. But also on the outside, our journal is also a list of things that we did when we were out because our host had not achieved co-consciousness yet and that way there would be a log of what the body did and how long she had been gone. It was a long time before many of us wrote in the journals, but we were patient. It seems that lots of patience is required in order to deal with lots of things that go along with DID (as our counselor so lovingly keeps reminding us ). It was a long, difficult process mapping out our system but it was/is very rewarding. I agree with WePow, just let things come as they come, but you can give small nudges in the direction that you want to go at times. As far as how to act, you know like wearing your tie dyed t-shirt etc., for us we made a couple of rules when it comes to that. Whoever is out gets to make decisions on beign things like clothes to wear, food to eat, etc. But no one is allowed to do anything that would be harmful to the body or anyone else in the outside world. Also no one is allowed to spend money out here without first consulting with the family, that includes our host. Some of us do not know the rules/laws of living out in the outside world, so our protector helps a lot in that department. We also said, "When in doubt, ask first." A lot of times, we end up asking our counselor things that many neurotypical people would find strange to ask, but he has told us that he would be willing to help us learn things, no matter what they were. Not all the alters follow the rules, but we had to start somewhere and this is slowly but surely working for us. If I could suggest anything to you crazyglue, it would be to be patient (our favorite word, yeah right) and love yourself and everyone inside, even the angries. You all need to work together for things to work smoothly and it helps if everyone inside feels loved. Those are just a few ideas and things that we have done that I wanted to share with you. Not like I know everything, but when I find something that works, I want to share it because it might work for someone else. Also, some of the things that we try work well for a while, but then start to not work well so we have to change again (just because we all made a decision does not mean that we have to always stick with that). We all hope it works out well for you and you are able to find a T you can trust (who knows how to work with clients with DID) real soon. Sending lots of good thoughts your way and safe hugs if you want them.

With love,

Faith

If you have any littles/youngers that would like to make friends, we have some youngers who would like to meet new people. Krista is 8 and she really wants to communicate with others. Just thought I would throw that out there.

　
　
This is a web site that I found 10 years ago. There are other books available but these are just a few that you may want to find on amozon or other way.

http://www.sidran.org/store/index.cf...&category_id=1
　
Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook, The
Product ID: HADI

Dissociative identity disorder (DID), formerly called multiple personality disorder, is a condition fraught with controversy and skepticism. Often the greatest challenge for a person with DID is overcoming society's general misunderstanding of alter (multiple) personalities and how they may be treated and resolved. Once believed to be a rare and dramatic aberration, DID is actually a highly evolved survival mechanism acquired by some individuals as they cope with severe and prolonged trauma, abuse, and fear.
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Our Price: $18.95
Living with Your Selves: A Survival Manual for People with Multiple Personalities
Product ID: HOLS

Designed to help people live with their condition, Living with Your Selves was written "by a multiple, for other multiples." It is neither a clinical book, nor a workbook, although it contains elements of each. The author's objective was to create a "how-to manual" for living which would fill the gap between the clinical literature and survivors' stories.

More...
Our Price: $9.95

Managing Our Selves: Building a Community of Caring
Product ID: POMO

Building a Community of Caring is a workbook for persons with Dissociative Disorders that concentrates on self-management through active decision making and the development of internal collaboration among alters.

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Our Price: $17.95

The above book is what we used when we first started to heal this time.

God in Our Midst is meant to supplement Power's first workbook (Managing Our Selves: Building a Community of Caring), not replace it. Focusing solely on a multiple's Christian selves, God in Our Midst presents ideas about the Trinity as a concept of multiplicity, explores reconciliation, and the role of praise in healing for Christians.
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Our Price: $12.95

Someone I Know Has Multiple Personalities: A Book for Significant Others: Family, Friends, and
Product ID: HOSI

Someone I Know Has Multiple Personalities: A Book for Significant Others: Family, Friends, and Caring Professionals
Adult survivors of childhood abuse often struggle with dissociative conditions. Although the ability to dissociative is life-saving and allows individuals to protect themselves, it can also interfere with...
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Our Price: $9.95

Telling Without Talking: Art as a Window into the World of Multiple Personality
Product ID: COTT

Illustrated with over 180 drawings, paintings and collages by people with dissociative identity disorder, Telling without Talking demonstrates how trauma survivors create art to externalize their unspoken rage and grief.
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Our Price: $45.00

#Way of the Journal, The
Product ID: ADWJ

A polished, sparkling gem of a book. Adams makes journal writing safe and accessible for survivors of child sexual abuse or anyone who sees words and language as a way to resolve pain.
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Our Price: $22.95

　
　

Crazyglue, it is a long journey and it's best to keep yourself really safe. We have no known host, sorry to break the known rules on that one but we have a few good communicators so guess that is how it is for us.

Essential stuff to have on hand or to know:

Have some really wonderful stuffies and some peaceful places to go at home. Rest helps, think times and not pushing yourself/ves to figure it all out but letting it unfold. Looking back the years don't seem to be that much for the most part only in some areas.

Building that trust with your therapist or psychologist or counsellor. Building into the therapy time some what we call 'quiet time'. Letting only kind and gentle people around you, if you can help it. Sometime that is hard, depending on what's going on around you. Art things always close at hand for the small ones and oh yeah some of your favourite music for your parts too. Learning some grounding skills and some ways to get back. We also needed Alanon, our church family, our current family and our little doggie.

Take care and let us know, when you can, how things are going.

Love
Hunny

Crazyglue,

When I finally believed I had a problem with dissociation, this forum was invaluable. You should continue coming here.

Regarding your concern about mapping and learning the system: When I started seeing a T who specializes in dissociation, I, too, was concerned about the process and making sure I was doing it according to the “manual.” There came a point, though, when I just turned it over to her and stopped trying to ensure everything was being done right. Early on she said that mapping wasn’t necessary; although, we do talk about parts, and she references them. I’ve stopped researching DD/DID, and I let her worry about all of that including any mapping if it’s needed. In other words, I go in, I leave, and I try really hard to notice throughout the week.

The only time I worry about parts is if after leaving a session I realize that one could have potentially ruined my continued work with the therapist. There have been several times that I’ve been afraid one has crossed over a line that will have her terminating our work together. What I’ve learned from this, though, is that I’ve (or parts have) spent a lot of time and energy throughout my life covering up the behavior of other parts. I’ve also learned a lot of other things, too, without really mapping the system. Additionally, in the beginning when I was researching DD/DID a lot, there were a lot of references to integration ceremonies. At some point in my work with this T she said that she doesn’t do that. I don’t even recall what I read about integration, but I trust she’s doing what’s needed. My point in saying this is that regardless of all the research you do, don’t expect it to be just like everything you read.

My biggest recommendation is that you find a therapist who understands and is, ideally, a specialist in DD. Being able to walk in every week regardless of who I am is invaluable. It has given me the space and safety to begin recognizing the parts and their related behavior, fears, etc.

writing