[AtreyuFreak]

I got a lotta stuff goin on right now, some good, some bad.

First and foremost, there's been some small (but significant) inner progress, if you will. Kyle is a Southern teenage boy who drinks and does drugs and is super promiscuous (even with girls ); he's often rude and belligerent, and is known for being the only one of us who is (ironically) semi-homophobic (normally only if a guy is flirting with/coming on to him directly). However, he came out a couple days ago (idr exactly when, as usual) and was...different. I could kinda "talk" to him internally while he was out, and he promised me that he was sorry and he wouldn't do anything to hurt the system anymore. He didn't really know about us, he just knew that everything was messed up and something was wrong, cause his memory was f***ed up and he didn't know all these people he'd suddenly "wake up" in the midst of. He is super super super protective of women and children, to the point where if he sees one (outside of the system) that's in danger, he'll put himself in harm's way to help them. I pointed out to him that drinking, drugs, and sexual activity is basically like forcing the children inside to do those things; what if one of the littles were to come out while he was like that?? He became immediately remorseful. He also said that since we'd figured out he was another protector, especially against our family (in situations where Koda's rage would only make things worse) when we need to stand up for ourself, it made him super motivated to do that which he was "created" for with all of his being. This is a very good thing .

Also, after Kyle came out and subsequently went away, I successfully initiated our first "family meeting". I've never been able to do this before, but by relaxing I was able to visualize a safe area (kinda the way some people think of their "happy place"). It's a secluded clearing, surrounded by woods on 3 sides and a small cliff and a lake/body of water on the 4th. In the middle, on the biggest tree, is a huge treehouse; don't ask me why, it could be because we always felt safe in trees when we were little (our brother/abuser was never very good at climbing them). Each alter has his/her own room tailored to his/her interests (painting, writing, etc.) There's also a "common" area, where everyone can hang out and watch TV, play video games, etc. and a little area where the littles can color or whatever. It's not like a complete house, cause there's no kitchen or office or anything. And there's no beds cause that can be triggering to some, for obvious reasons. They don't really sleep there; they "sleep", so to speak, whenever they're not holding the consciousness, so there's no need. When we have a meeting, everyone files out of the treehouse and stands in a large-ish circle outside of it. Whoever called the meeting stands in the middle, and everyone else listens, quietly and respectfully, until the speaker is done or they are asked/allowed to speak. If it is needed, the littles stay in the house.

Finally, one of our biggest problems is that several of my alters (especially the teenage girls, which is most of them--lol!) have seperate crushes. One likes Zack, another likes Dusty, another likes Andrew, another likes Grant, and still another likes Emily . Though almost all of them flirt with said crushes, nobody does anything further.

That's all for now.

[WePow]

Keep on trying to learn who they are and what is going on inside their hearts.
We have the same odd issue with the emotional /physical desire dept.
It can be a strange thing internally.

[Lillyleaf]

keep going and trying look at them as people and part of you. no matter what they are wether other soles or part of you they are ment to help you.

I wish you the best

[anderson]

(((((Atreyufreak)))))) you are doing good. There is not one of us that did not go though those confusion but are still in the state of confusion. Have you ever used a shifter that seperates things according to its size. From the largest to the smallest size. When we are going through these times I picture a cup of raw material being put through this shifter. This is the time when our past and present alters are learning from each other and finding a place with in the family unit to co-enside with each other. So please take hope we do hear you and understand.

[Hunny]

So much progress...AtreyuFreak, your treehouse seems like a great safe place. Our little baby Joy lives in a tree, not a house, but she is safer there. We prefer to be outside rather than in a house ourself/ves, hence the hive.

The communications going on sounds super! Thank you for sharing everything.

Hunny

Originally Posted by AtreyuFreak

I got a lotta stuff goin on right now, some good, some bad.

First and foremost, there's been some small (but significant) inner progress, if you will. Kyle is a Southern teenage boy who drinks and does drugs and is super promiscuous (even with girls ); he's often rude and belligerent, and is known for being the only one of us who is (ironically) semi-homophobic (normally only if a guy is flirting with/coming on to him directly). However, he came out a couple days ago (idr exactly when, as usual) and was...different. I could kinda "talk" to him internally while he was out, and he promised me that he was sorry and he wouldn't do anything to hurt the system anymore. He didn't really know about us, he just knew that everything was messed up and something was wrong, cause his memory was f***ed up and he didn't know all these people he'd suddenly "wake up" in the midst of. He is super super super protective of women and children, to the point where if he sees one (outside of the system) that's in danger, he'll put himself in harm's way to help them. I pointed out to him that drinking, drugs, and sexual activity is basically like forcing the children inside to do those things; what if one of the littles were to come out while he was like that?? He became immediately remorseful. He also said that since we'd figured out he was another protector, especially against our family (in situations where Koda's rage would only make things worse) when we need to stand up for ourself, it made him super motivated to do that which he was "created" for with all of his being. This is a very good thing .

Also, after Kyle came out and subsequently went away, I successfully initiated our first "family meeting". I've never been able to do this before, but by relaxing I was able to visualize a safe area (kinda the way some people think of their "happy place"). It's a secluded clearing, surrounded by woods on 3 sides and a small cliff and a lake/body of water on the 4th. In the middle, on the biggest tree, is a huge treehouse; don't ask me why, it could be because we always felt safe in trees when we were little (our brother/abuser was never very good at climbing them). Each alter has his/her own room tailored to his/her interests (painting, writing, etc.) There's also a "common" area, where everyone can hang out and watch TV, play video games, etc. and a little area where the littles can color or whatever. It's not like a complete house, cause there's no kitchen or office or anything. And there's no beds cause that can be triggering to some, for obvious reasons. They don't really sleep there; they "sleep", so to speak, whenever they're not holding the consciousness, so there's no need. When we have a meeting, everyone files out of the treehouse and stands in a large-ish circle outside of it. Whoever called the meeting stands in the middle, and everyone else listens, quietly and respectfully, until the speaker is done or they are asked/allowed to speak. If it is needed, the littles stay in the house.

Finally, one of our biggest problems is that several of my alters (especially the teenage girls, which is most of them--lol!) have seperate crushes. One likes Zack, another likes Dusty, another likes Andrew, another likes Grant, and still another likes Emily . Though almost all of them flirt with said crushes, nobody does anything further.

That's all for now.

[AtreyuFreak]

Thank you to everyone who replied!!

Amazingly, the original post wasn't even the whole deal. I planned to write more but my dad kicked me off (he's definitely a Mr. Grumpy Gills---props to whoever recognizes that one). I'll just put the rest of what I was going to say on here:

As far as the "crushes" go, the only two that are serious (or anything more than school girl crushes, which are being enjoyed because we're being allowed to have them for once) are Zack and Dusty. I guess I was kinda wondering if anyone has advice or something. Ideally we'd go for someone that everyone in the system likes; while nobody in the system particularly dislikes one over the other, there are several who like one more than the other. They're both great guys, and I am really confident that they would treat us right; I just don't know if it's an okay thing to be flirting with them or even giving them a hint that there might be a chance of a relationship. Zack knows about us, and it doesn't bother him; Dusty doesn't, but I highly doubt it'd freak him out. I just think it wouldn't really be fair to lead a guy on when I'm not exactly mentally stable. I really really really don't want to have yet another relationship I regret, especially if it's my fault this time (that sounded mean...let's just say I haven't been the greatest at picking boyfriends...) I kinda want to just let it play out, but I'm graduating in two months, and everything I've heard tells me that if I don't make some kind of move now, I won't see ever see these guys again. Oh, and I should mention...Zack's engaged. However, I know that it was her idea and she's more into him than he's into her; frequently he refers to her as "my girlfriend" vs. "my fiancee", like he forgets they're engaged. He barely talks about her at all anymore, and they're long distance. I do not want to be the one to break up a long-distance relationship (or any at all), because I've had that done to me. However, if their relationship is already on the rocks, and he willingly flirts with me...? I don't know. This is where I need advice! Lol. Dusty's great, I don't really spend as much time with him as with Zack, plus he's pretty shy and I'm not very outgoing around guys I like, so...If I had to pick one, I'd say I like Zack just a little bit more, because of the intellectual aspect; me and him get into debates like you wouldn't believe. But like I said, I haven't spent as much time with Dusty, and I have a pretty bad track record with judging who to date... Sorry for rambling!

Another breakthrough within the system (sorry if I'm boring anyone, I just wanna get this all out!): Remy came out a few days ago. She is the keeper of misery and sad feelings. She's known for being rather unstable, and is the major SI'er (is that a word?) in our system. She also tends to show up when we have symptoms of (for lack of a better description) PMDD, and she has on several occasions outed us because she couldn't handle all the intense feelings inside. She was also the one who OD'ed several years ago (a s**c*de attempt). However, when she was out a couple days ago, she was actually really calm. The only way, really, that we could tell it was her is because of the memories she had access to, and the nagging feeling in the back of her throat like she could be triggered into a panic attack at any second. Oh, and the music she listened to. It was nice, because (since she was stable) she gave us access to memories, thoughts, etc, that we normally couldn't get. Plus I think it was HUGE that she was out without any desire to self harm, attempt s**c*de, or without any displays of intense emotions that usually get people REALLY REALLY REALLY worried about us. It was either a coincidence that she was out (in the time of the month when there were no PMDD or PMDD-like symptoms), or a breakthrough .

I'll post more as I remember it. Like I said, a LOT of stuff going on!!!!

[anderson]

Thank you for the update and rememer there is nothing wrong with just hanging out with these guys. If I understand thing are you going to be able to see these men when you go to collage? Remember to take one day at a time my friend.