[pulled2ways]

I have a long history of sexual abuse & incest - not an easy thing for me to admit. I blocked it out for years & have very few childhood or early adulthood memories. This bothers me...people who know me, I don't know them...being asked, "Do you remember..." & having to answer "no". I get confused whether the strong flashbacks & nightmares are real or if I'm making it all up.

A few months ago, I overdosed on my meds. Someone came to pick me up at the office where I'd just had the appt. I took the pills shortly before she got there. All I remember is getting into her car & then waking on a psych unit. The person who picked me up said I was talking. They had no idea I'd OD'd until a few hours later when I was acting strange. I also took off from the hospital ER & was picked up by cops. Much of this I don't recall; it's what I've been told by people who were there.

I've had therapists who believed I had a dissociative disorder, but w/ that diagnosis, I decided to stop therapy. I "space out" a lot, but not usually for such long periods of time. It's scary to not remember what others say you've done. The "zoning" has been occurring much more frequently, but I was also started on a different med while in the hospital.

I'm afraid b/c this can happen when I'm driving. I want to remember my life. I want to be able to handle stressful situations w/o running from them. This is my life, yet I feel like so much of it belongs to others.

Sorry for rambling...hope I'm making some sense. Thanks for listening.

[Lillyleaf]

I know it will be harp ar times. But you gatta know that it is ok. I think maybe it would help going back to a T but one you trust. I know it will be hard but knoe that it will be ok and you will be able to cope. I am sorry for your struggles I wish you the best!

Hugs if ok,
Lavender

[Elysium]

Well...no one here is trained to diagnose but some of the symptoms you mention do sound dissociative.

During the time of your OD, some of the memory issues, if not all, could be related to whatever drugs were in your system...but if you already have a history of dissociation it could have been a little bit of both.

I was just diagnosed with DID last year and finding out was one heck of a whopper even though I was the one that suspected "something" more was going on than just severe PTSD.

I can tell you're scared. Dissociation is a scary thing, but at one point it was wonderful for you because it helped you survive your horrible traumas that you have experienced. Now that you are grown, it is maladaptive as it interferes with your life and you have the ability to learn to cope with things without the dissociation.

I hate to say it...but if you want to remember your life, then the only way out is through. You can ignore it...whatever IT is, but all this will do is make it worse and in the end you won't remember things as much because you will keep using maladaptive coping skills.

My suggestion is to head back into T, one that you feel you trust, and one that has experience with dissociative disorders, and let them evaluate you. Let them know how afraid you are and slowly start working through your traumas. This is the only way you will get the life you seem to be seeking. Otherwise...avoid it...but it can be hell spending your life running from ghosts.

We're here for you!!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by pulled2ways

I have a long history of sexual abuse & incest - not an easy thing for me to admit. I blocked it out for years & have very few childhood or early adulthood memories. This bothers me...people who know me, I don't know them...being asked, "Do you remember..." & having to answer "no". I get confused whether the strong flashbacks & nightmares are real or if I'm making it all up.

A few months ago, I overdosed on my meds. Someone came to pick me up at the office where I'd just had the appt. I took the pills shortly before she got there. All I remember is getting into her car & then waking on a psych unit. The person who picked me up said I was talking. They had no idea I'd OD'd until a few hours later when I was acting strange. I also took off from the hospital ER & was picked up by cops. Much of this I don't recall; it's what I've been told by people who were there.

I've had therapists who believed I had a dissociative disorder, but w/ that diagnosis, I decided to stop therapy. I "space out" a lot, but not usually for such long periods of time. It's scary to not remember what others say you've done. The "zoning" has been occurring much more frequently, but I was also started on a different med while in the hospital.

I'm afraid b/c this can happen when I'm driving. I want to remember my life. I want to be able to handle stressful situations w/o running from them. This is my life, yet I feel like so much of it belongs to others.

Sorry for rambling...hope I'm making some sense. Thanks for listening.

you are not alone a lot of normal people dissociate during driving. its called high way hypnosis.you can learn ways to keep yourself from dissociating while driving in all kinds of ways. you can go to the library and look up high way hypnosis and grounding relaxation techniques. You can play music while you are driving to help keep you focused. you can roll down the window so a coll breeze is on you. Turn on your air conditioning if you have it, you can bring someone along to talk with while you are driving and if all else fails you can ask others or take the bus or a taxi so that you dont have to drive until you are more in control of things.

there are many different dissociation disorders and many different kinds of things that can trigger a person to dissociate. Some dissociation problems are easily solved with medications and others arent. for example if your dissociation problems are caused because of panic and anxiety antidepressants and anti anxiety meds will help.

my suggestion contact your family physician and tell that person whats going on. there are many physical health problems that mimic mental disorders and cause the same symptoms as mental disorders do. it may be as simple as the doctor prescribing some medication. if medication doesn't work ask your doctor to refer you to a psychiatrist for diagnostic testing. there are many mental disorders that share the same symptoms such as dissociation problems can also be found in the mental disorder PTSD and also in depression. you may not have a full blown dissociation disorder. and again it may be as simple as medication or seeing a therapist to learn how to use relaxation and grounding and self nurturing/self care that will solve the problem.