When outsideres are trying to make friends with those within ?

We just want to know how do those here get others to make friends with your alter?
We tried to tell our friends that we just need to feel safe but they no understand us.
We say just talk about things that we can join in.
Thinks we like to do, give us time to answer or even put out ideals .
Some people are just easier to talk to because they let us be our selfs so we no afried of being hurt.
How would tell others to talk to you in safe way so that they can be friends instead of just watching from the outside?
WE just need to know how others do it cause we no can seem to get those here to understand us.
safe hugs to all those here from all of us!

((((anderson))))

We do hear you and we understand. Up until three years ago, we had no safety or way to allow anyone within to feel safe and have friends. Not even for any of us. It was something that was not safe to do and with what we were feeling we had to be so careful. Except for our t and our friend that would talk to us over the phone we were hidden.

We were hidden except at night when the world seemed to be asleep and we could shut the blinds and allow the others to come out and be. It was then that they could find safety within the closed doors and windows of the night to be safe. Sometimes that was not possible as things would come in the night that would hurt and at times there seemed no safety anywhere.

Once we moved and we found that safety could possibly exist only then did us within step out and begin to feel safe. It was something that at first for us was almost like a rush as we felt safe but were unsure it would last or that it could be possibly true. It took time for us all to realize that the safety was not going to walk away or put us down and not accept us.

It has taken a long time for all of us to feel safe enough to be seen and heard. Now, for most we are not afraid to step forth on our own and there are those that accept us for who we are and it is okay. Our t and treatment team know and they do not chastise us for stepping out. Also coming to a place of knowing each other exists has made it safer too. Before we were not even knowledgable about each other.

Our friend and her family know we are here and they accept too. It is not anymore that we have to have such a fear of being so that makes it easier to step forth ourselves and be who we are. We still have to be cautious as sometimes there are those that do not understand or believe. Also there are still those that look for us making it feel dangerous and scary.

We took a risk and reached forth and now it is much easier to allow us to have a voice. Time has proven that safety can sometimes exist although we still have to be cautious at times. Now we no longer feel we are a secret for we have thoses that know we are here and they accept us for us.

Victoria of dps

before I was integrated and now that I am i dont tell people I wwas DID or that I have a dissociative disorder. I made friend the same way other people did. by talking about things we had in common and if they didnt like me so be it and if I was uncomfortable or didnt like them so be it. I stayed away from those who I didnt like, who I wasnt comfortable with and stayed away from those who didnt like me or were uncomfortable around me.

After I knew I had DID I thought of it this way if some one beat me up would I keep going back to them trying to be their friend just to get beat up again. no. and why should I try and force others to like me, that would be like my abusing their right to choose to be my friend. it would be like physically, emotionally abusing them.

So I just relaxed and continued on just like a normal person would knowing not everyone was going to be my friend and I cant force others to be my friend.

being friends with my alters. I had nothing to do with that. I didnt go out of my way saying hi my alter cassie wants to be your friend and try and force someone to understand who cassie was, what she was and what she liked. I found out that even when I didnt know about Cassie she already had her own friends. thats the way my alters were, they all had their own lives separate from me. they had their own jobs and their own friends.

maybe if you stop worrying about making people be your alters friends and just relax and talk about things you and these other people you want to be friends with have in common, those people will stop worrying about you being different, you having a dissociative disorder, you having alters. they will learn to like you and your alters for just being yourselves.

how to make people stop talking and doing things that trigger /hurt you. take time to think about this for a minute. you just meet someone new or someone you know and you are talking. can they read your mind to know what words trigger and hurt you. that would be cool if they could huh. but most people that I know cant read minds so they dont know what words trigger me. the only way people know what things trigger and hurt you is if you set boundaries with them. when they bring up a topic that triggers you dont make a huge deal out of it just politely say "I would rather not talk about that right now" and then introduce a topic that you feel safe with. that way they know ok this topic is off limits today but this one is a safe topic today.

Thank you darkpurplesecrets and amandalouise,
The younger ones are still scared and we do have a few people that are trying to be friendly to all of us. The mama and papa bears do not seem to have a problem with all of us and we all feel safe with them but there are some people that we kind of know that they are safe yet because of all the abuse, they are not sure if we should trust them yet.
We had reach a platou a couple of years ago where all those that where aware of each other being safe and comfortable talking in our own voice but after we got hurt by some dark souls it put us into helter skelter mode. Because the little ones and most of the aduilts did not understand why they were letting others hurt us. Now most are trying to help keep us safe but we now have upto 2 years of memiors of them letting us be hurt becuase the others lied so well.
What came so easily when trust was felt is not so easy when those within are wondering if trust is deserved.
So now it time to find out if they are speaking the truth about believing us or this is another pile of BS because of their own BS.
Life for a Multiply is never easy exspecialy when almost all thing are shared within.
Safe hugs to all of you from all within us.

anderson, I understand what you're talking about completely. I'm new to the actual DID diagnosis, but I've had a Little out for about two years. I have a couple friends who've accepted my Little self, and said they'd never hurt either of us, but in the end we were hurt. My T says, perhaps, we were taken advantage of.

I know my friends never meant to hurt us, but I can't always protect myself from painful situations. I've been avoiding socializing for the last couple months - afraid of trusting, afraid of being unable to protect myself, afraid of being hurt again...even if they don't mean to hurt me!

I love being able to allow my Littlest self to come out and play and interact with others who readily accept her, but I've let her get hurt. Lately she's only been out to talk to our T... and I'm even scared about that. He says we're safe with him, but my friends said that too.

I don't know what the answer is. I can't keep us safe - even with people who say they're safe! How can we ever know for sure?

I guess this post hasn't been very helpful. I hope you are able to find safe friends who accept you for who you are. It is a wonderful feeling to be able to let a different part out to be herself out in the open.

For me it's not really been a case of others trying to be friends with my insiders. My insiders come out when they feel safe. Otherwise they will just stay inside.

In the real world a couple of my friends see the changes and they don't react.

So its okay. I don't think I can make other parts come out.

Anderson,

I think it would be lovely to have a decent cup-of-tea with parts of all of you, Anderson. Even though, my guess is, some don't drink tea so they could have a beverage of the body's choosing.

Futility exists for me in thinking that I appear anything but average to anyone else at first meeting. With those I've known longer they probably have interacted with many different parts of me but to be honest I would not have a clue how to be that specific. What I trust is, is that the general rule within is not harm the internal selves or the external ones and to not let the external ones hurt the internal ones.

So, then how do I interact with them, outsiders? Well for people at work it becomes the task of those that do the work, for those that have more social contacts it is those that say have an interest in common, like art, church, family events, fitness coaching, aacoa.

I am pretty much reenergized by much alone time but I don't considered myself reclusive. I recently thought about taking some coursework again and would like to investigate that, so there is that social context.

As far as best friends to a best friend, I don't know. I have been hurt too. Intimacy scares me. That makes trusting others difficult. How could any one person be able to be all that safe for me? I think it is up to me to be safe and interact with the most safe people I can find.

My relationship with my higher power/spiritual director/God makes me be able to have a connection, sometimes involving a knowing and feeling, sometimes not, sometimes it's just faith and faith is not a thought or feeling, it just kind of exists.

Maybe I see getting someone to understand me is rather random but then there are people here on PC and perhaps elsewhere who get it but maybe they wouldn't get it all the time, in person, everyday, on an ongoing basis. How much can one expect?

Right now I am trying to work something out with someone in a group I am in. I think this person may be just as dissociated as anyone I have ever come up against but she doesn't know it, so I am unsure as to whom I am speaking with as I am trying to resolve something between us. *sigh* It gets quite complicated. Maybe those of us who know we are dissociated to some extent or another are actually the better off. I find this person fairly controlling, a bit of a pain in the butt, you know and she knows something of herself but really finds it difficult. I have a kind of commitment to the relationship in a group context so I guess I will persevere but not sure for how long.

Maybe it is just enough to have a decent cup-of-tea together? Maybe to just be in the presence of? Maybe I just need to sit with you and have a cup of tea and exchange vibes, who knows. Maybe that is really all we all have? I would love to meet you all, in person, I think. It would be a bit like meeting a family member who you have never met before. In someways we all here are more connected to each other than to our own family (and gratefully so I might say).

!

Hunny,
We would love that cup of tea. It would be so cool to just sit and let each others parts to be able to sit and talk and just be.
The one cool thing that we enjoyed with our foster mom is that each part got into the habit of speaking in their own voice and being recognised as individuals. Now those around us that we trust can tell when we switch and are trying to help the littles be safe. The ability to say that we have in a way have walked in each others shoes is the best part of PC World. We now have people that have walked our walk again and allow the knowledge that just by how much we are alike we each have walked our own path. Thank you so much for being here!

Possum,
Most of the time of the time it is so like this for us. but we had a couple some bad time where small ones where hurt. Now we are trying to help them learn how to be safe when those that do not understand us are near. The Dalmations wanted to know how others have crossed that bridge.
thank you so much for being here.

beyond_blue,
We are so together on this one. The fact that we are now spending so much time in the woods away from people is giving us the time and space to heal from those that have hurt us both knowingly and unknowingly. If it had not been for the true mama and papa bears in our life we would be so alone. The fact that we only see them on sudays suck. When we tried to get to know others that we feel safe with it just back fired on us so know we taking a time out hoping that with the time alone that we can start making better choices.