[Jewels]

have had some revelation about things happening in the summer that tend to make me suici**l...so am going back to partial to partake of their expertise and help...so I will be here every day to chronicle my day...you are welcome to read and comment, or just read...thanks for all your support and encouragement...

jewels

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((jewels))))

That is good that you have been able to make that decision for yourself. I hope that the partial will step in and help you with what you are facing and please know that we are here for you and care. Sometimes reaching out for the help we need is hard but it is the best thing we can do. I am so proud of you for reaching out when you need it.

Please keep us updated and know that we will follow as you share. We are here for you. Love you. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

(((((((((((((((((jewels))))))))))))))))))))

[avoice]

Great thinking get well soon my friend.

[Jewels]

anxiety, fear and trembling all take its toll as I wait to go to partial tomorrow...wondering what the heck persuaded me to go back to a hospital where I am locked behind doors for hours on end...what the heck was I thinking??? For the first time I have had time to really think about that and now i am dizzy from all the implications of being in a program again...it makes no sense at all...please think of us tomorrow...we are scared down to the inner layers of people...thanks...

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((jewels))))

Breath hon, and know that you are doing this for your good. I know it is scary but it is going to be okay and it is going to be a good thing for all of you. Know that we are right here and supporting you with lots of support, encouragement, hugs, and ears to listen.

Remember that they are there to help you. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength not of weakness. You made this decision for yourself and it is something that helped the last time. I know it is scary and that you are nervous just remember this is for you.

Know that we are here and we are listening as you need to reach out. Please keep us posted. We love you and care. Sending you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps and insides

[anderson]

(((Jewels)))
Please know that we be with you and those within. We had to find a T to get housing but in the end we found someone that understood us. WE hope the T in inpatient can help you too. We be sending all within safe hugs and thoughts as those within find healing.

[complic8d]

((((((((((Jewels))))))))))))

(sent you PM too)

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((jewels))))

We are thinking of you and hoping that your first day back to parcial went good. I know you were so anxious last night but I hope that you have found some calmness within and that you were able to get rested last night. Know that we are here for you and we care. We love you our friends. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[Jewels]

Well, today has been the first day. Don't know how long I will be here, but it went by very quickly. I was pulled out of every class to see people--nurses, therapists, etc. I was very anxious all night, and most of the day. I drifted off several times, because I didn't color or do anything to keep me grounded...but it didn't look like the people running the groups noticed...and I got a bit of good news...complic8d is going to be in the hospital inpatient, so she and I are actually going to meet! It will be so much different having someone I can actually relate to. Not that it is difficult, but right now there are few that are DID there, so having her there will help. Somehow I made it through the first day...anxiety very high, and I couldn't help keeping a foot moving as I didn't want to get up and just keep walking or disturb the class in any way...
tomorrow will be much more demanding on the psyche...thanks for being interested...and thank you for your support...

[Crew]

(((((((((((((Jewels)))))))))))))))) way to go at realizing you needed partial treatment. that is such a HUGE big step in healing.

Hey pick up some new grounding techiniques and up to date things... it wouldn't hurt.

No, pick up on all the things that your system needs! Jewels all of you guys, you are choosing the healing route and so are we YaY!

Let us know and yes we realize how hard partial is as well. We'll be sending you good healing thoughts to keep yourself calm and focused, it's alot easier then being in-patient, do you agree?

Take care and were here supporting you all the way.......
Crew

[Miracle1986]

Thinking of you Jewels

[Jewels]

Day 2

Again, got pulled out of several classes to answer seemingly endless questions about why I came, what was going on, etc. Complic8d and I met--YAY--gave each other hugs...it was good to finally meet her...our class numbers were way down so we didn't do any work in psychotrauma (actually psychodrama but that's what we call it!) so really had no real classes again today. Hopefully tomorrow will get me somewhere I need to be or will hear something I haven't heard before...today I was near tears most of the day, don't know what was going on but was near tears so it was more difficult to answer questions. I will let you know what goes on tomorrow after I get home. Thanks again for listening, for your support, and your love.

[Jewels]

Day 3

Today was fricking hard...there just is no other way to say it...it all started during Grief class and went downhill from there...boy did I dissociate thoroughly...knew that it was happening but I just didn't care at that point...one of my littlest alters--Joy--came out and was quite sad...the grief class got me thinking about all the losses in my life...my dad specifically...and then I started crying...couldn't stop...wanted to get out of class in the worst way but contained myself until class was over...I haven't felt the same since...I am supposed to do homework for tonight but I just don't have the strength to pull myself together enough to do it...I guess I can do it tomorrow morning during class because I won't see my T until after the class...right now all I want to do is sleep and forget all about today...i am crying now as I remember...perhaps it would be good if I just went to my bedroom and wrote down what I am supposed to write down for her so that we can actually talk about stuff when we meet...god this headache of mine is wearing me out...think I will just go and lay down and write...see you all tomorrow...hopefully tomorrow will be better...we will see...

[dinosaurs]

grief is incredibly hard. let self cry and rest. there is a healing peace on the other side of grief.

[Jewels]

Day 4

Well today was hard again. We talked about anger, did some anger management, and am feeling in great pain again. During T a person appeared who we do not know, and she did not know her name or how old she was. Talked a lot about an issue we came across in T last week Friday. Well, today we were introduced to the physical aspects of the ward of children in the hospital we were in as a teen, it got pretty bad as hearing the information brought things to the surface that we just as soon would have liked to forget. She is soft-spoken and kind, and very sensitive. She almost started crying when she asked if we were going to get well. Well, the T said yes, we were going to get well, and it seemed that was a good enough answer for her and she went in. We still don't know who she is, but that is not as important right now. We still need to get to LEAH and have her speak to our T. We know that LEAH is afraid she will not be liked and will be made to go away. Please remember us in your prayers. This work is really hard and really taxing. And we are afraid we won't be able to handle it.

On a lighter note, complic8d said to say hi. She is doing so so, so please pray for her too, that she will get the therapy and relief she needs as well.

Thanks for keeping tabs on us!

[pegasus]

((((((((( Jewels ))))))))))

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((jewels))))

First thank you for keeping us updated on how you are doing. I know it is really difficult work and that it is full of pain and hurt, but you are doing what you need to do to heal. I am so proud of you for taking this step and getting the help you need and deserve.

Sometimes it gets so much harder before it gets better. Kinda like an infected area that has to be cleaned out befroe it can heal. It takes so much to do this work and to keep at it but you are doing it. I see you growing a little more with each step you take.

Sometimes it is the littliest steps that are tnhe hardest but they are also the steps that many times begin the sterps to healing and getting where we need to be. Take it one minute, one second at a time if you need to. For it took us a long time to get where we are now and it will take time to get out.

Remember to take good care of yourself and to give yourself breaks where you can. This is really hard work and it drains you. You deserve kindness and selfcare as you walk through this. Know that we are here cheering you on and walking with you so you are not alone.

We are here if you ever need to talk or just want someone to sit with We are only a PM away and you are welcome to write anytime you need to or just want to. We love you our friends and are so proud of you and are pulling for you. Sending genlte hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

PS/ Please tell comp that we love her and we are praying for her too. Please give her a hug for us. ((((((comp))))))

[anderson]

((((Jewels and compac))))
We hope that those with you help you to find safety and healing.
sending safe hugs and thoughts to all those within you.

[Jewels]

Day 5

Wow, out of the fry pan and into the fire! It was such an intense day that it made us feel crazy. The first class of the day was about spectrum of emotions. A good class, but didn't learn anything new...slept through a part of it...LOL...! Second class, Psychodrama, set me on my butt hard! The person who was doing the drama had shared a secret that they had not told anyone before, and as they were sharing it, we dissociated into our 12 year old who caught all of the drama, and shared at the end her secret of what had happened with her...even down to riding her bike home when it was over...the same thing that happened to the person doing the drama. Talk about double whammy...we came unglued at that point, and our case manager took one look at us as we were passing by and said to us, "do you need to ground?" well, we did, but were more interested in having lunch than getting grounded. So Erin stayed out and ate lunch...it was her first time out and about since she had come to us...so it was a big thing for her. By the time lunch was finished and we were back in the room, Erin wanted to go back in and tearfully went to her room. When abbi checked on her later, she was asleep. I think the whole experience left her extremely tired. As for the rest of us, we got to talking about what happened to us in the next class, and were finally able to get grounded. We got to go outside and blow bubbles, which we enjoyed immensely. Then finally our case manager came to talk to us, and we told her all about our secret...still a secret because it's not complete yet...it's getting there, but still at stage one...figuring out why it came out right now instead of later. We are horribly tired and out of sorts, and are glad that it is Friday so we have the whole weekend to sort through all of the info of the week. I am so tired it isn't funny. I'm going to bed soon, and hope to sleep for a long time. Then I will get up and do housework. Gotta get bug spray and ant traps too...daughter's room has those little sugar ants in it and we gotta get them gone...so we are doing that this weekend too. Sigh. Lots to do with so little time to do it with. Oh well, we will take it slow and easy.

Thanks for checking in with us, we are glad that someone cares about things here with us! Thanks for your support!

[Miracle1986]

(((Jewels)))
Here and listening...

[eskielover]

(((((Jewels))))),

Glad to hear that you are in partial. Sometimes the hardest therapy is actually the best at getting to the things that we need to deal with.

I hope you don't have to drive to your partial program. The year after I went through the trauma & the year after my Mother's death, my psychologist & pdoc had me go into a partial program that was over 1 hour drive to the hospital from my home. I had a horrible day & ended up in 2 accidents right after each other on the way home. Nothing serious, but I just rear ended 2 different cars going only 5 mph. Somehow, I don't think I was even there mentally.....never even realized that I hadn't stepped on the break & rolled into the auto's infront of me. At that point, I realized I couldn't drive & had to make other arrangements to have them pick me up from my Mothers house in the valley & my husband drove me down there......ugh, life can be difficult when we are going through a rough time dealing with life.

Take a wonderful rest this weekend to sort through all you have experienced this week. Praying that this partial program will be a great benefit to all of you.


Debbie

(((Jewels)))

I am sorry I didn't notice this long before now.
You are very brave. I admire you.
Just "let it be"....trust yourself & the program.

[Jewels]

Day 6

More clay balls thrown at the wall...NOT...wasn't going to do that again...tomorrow is psychotrauma...i mean psychodrama...i aint too thrilled about that either...just kind of tired of trauma work atm...need to be ready for tomorrow...guess I will take my meds early and get a good night's sleep so I can do it all over again tomorrow...i like the classes...they are helping...but my case worker wasn't there today...so i felt like i was floundering a bit during anger management when i was dissociating...good thing the teacher knows i'm did or i would be staying there right now...sigh...things are difficult right now just staying present to write this...thanks for checking in...it means a lot to me that someone cares to actually read this...

[anderson]

(((((jewels)))))
we thinking of you too. sending safe hugs and thoughts as those with in you work on issues.