Message to surrogate mothers...

Dunno where to put this, but I'm comfortable here, so I'll put it here, if that's okay; you can move it if it doesn't belong here. NOTE: Any suicidal thoughts mentioned here are just me venting!!! Not something I plan on doing--please don't take offense to it.

This is what I wanna say to my surrogate mothers (dunno if I'll have the guts):

With every day that passes, every day that I'm still stuck in this house, I lose a little of my already-scarce sanity; delve a little deeper into an all-consuming depression; and get one step closer to saying "f*** it" and jumping off the highest building I can find. Because at this point, that will be the only way I'll ever feel free; the only way I'll ever fly, ever know lasting peace. Man isn't meant to tolerate this much pain; after a certain point, it's just cruel to ask someone to continue living through it. I passed that point about three years ago.

My therapist says I should tell someone about my past. But were I to tell you every dirty little secret, you'd see how...tainted I am. Were you to know how much I've been through, you'd surely run the other way and never look back. And I wouldn't fault you; how could I, when every other person I've loved or trusted has done exactly that? The question is this: Do I risk trusting you, on the off chance that you'll have a positive reaction, or do I shut you out the way I've learned to do with everyone else?

((((((((((((( Atreyu ))))))))))))))))


Trust is hard to come by at times. The only answer I have for you is this -

If you never take a chance, take a risk on another human being to find trust, then you will never know that there are people in this world worth trusting.

I think the biggest problem with taking that risk is that many times we have chosen the wrong people to trust. Maybe our thinking is skewed and we don't have the knowledge base to make a better decision at that time. This is not a put down by any stretch of the imagination. Sometimes we have to learn how to make the best decisions for ourselves. Part of learning that is learning how to listen to our gut instincts as well. And the way to listen to your gut is to trust it So it comes down to learning how to trust our feelings and emotions and to listen closely to what our gut is telling us. Our guts will never let us down. This I have learned from experience!

I wish you well hon


sabby

I dunno whether to send it or not. I'm really scared what their replies would be. It would suck if they reply the way I'd expect them to, but it'd be terrifying if they said I COULD trust them...I'm just scared.

Dont shut me out Atreyu, id love to be your trusted friend...i dont have any where i live.
We could share experiences and i would never, never betray you and i hope the same for me...so i reach out to you and hope i've found a new friend,

First of all (((((((((((((((Atreyu)))))))))))))))))))))

Second of all it sounded like you described me to a "T."

3rdly (word?) as you grow in your healing there seems to be plenty of people
ready to be your friend, like us for example. I think you have a lot to give here as do most everyone.

Just something to think about...
The Last but not Least *Please don't take this negatively* as I have not great ways at saying things correctly these days...
Just a ?
Why do you feel you ought to give Trust, quickly anywhere?
I do have to say though that you do have to eventually trust so you can get some help... Try not to be so hard on yourself. I think your doing awesome.

You are a good person from what I have seen now just believe that and your well on your way.

Take care (((((Atreyu)))) and stay safe, we need people like you around here, imo!

I think I should be able to trust my surrogate mothers. They have literally saved my life before and I love them to death, but am TERRIFIED of trusting ANYONE; especially a mother-figure, since trusting my mother has just gone soooooo well in the past . But you're right; and with other people, it's very hard for me to trust anyone, even if they've proven themselves trustworthy over and over again. Trust takes time, and I used to say: it takes at least a year for people's true colors to come out. Or at least, that was my rationalization for all my "friends" ditching me after about a year . And thank you. I needed to hear that right now

Atrey, the "mother figure" may be just the thing to help you overcome and heal. I agree with Sabby. I know it is difficult and scarey. When we have been locked into a dark palce for so long, with wrong teaching adn survival, it is hard to change...scarey new territory....But i have learned that it is worth the chance and attempts and ahrd work. There are good people in the world...
The right people come into our lives at the right time and to follow your gut is a good thing...I feel your gut is probably telling you to trust, or there would be no conflict... Just guessing here.
Maybe try testing it...tell one, not so bad thing...and wait and see if your confidence is kept? Chances are the surrogate mother, already knows there is darkness and pain...
I hope you can find what you need...a safe place to open and share and just be yourself...someone who cares.
Many safe hugs...

The second surrogate (Amy)'s reply: "As for the DID diagnosis... I do NOT think of, or refer to, you as psycho. I am grateful that you trust me enough to tell me, and "introduce" me to your alters. While I cannot possibly understand what you are going through, or how you (or Koda, or Remy) feel, I do understand how proud I am, and impressed that you (all) are so successful.

I think the world of you kiddo."

You can trust us. This comes from a system who dosen't trust others coinsidently, but you can trust us. We're loyal to all of our friends, which include all of you. We understand where you're coming from, dear friend.


(Webber)Erik

HUgs
they love and care about you. Sometimes they cant understand exacly but they care and sometimes that just means the most.

(((Atreyu)))
Please know that we are here for you to we may be dealing with our own cluster F*** world but we do understand. And agree with the other post. Thanks to PC world we are now in a place that we can heal knowing that those in the irl may never truely understand us but we all need some one to talk to so please try one at a time until you find the one that will give all those within the safety of being accepted by someone.
Until then just remember that it is only in baby steps that we may find healing and safety. Safe hugs and thought from all of us to all of you!

hug hug hug it goin bees ok. i not no wat els to say but this is wat seems to be wat peepls need to no so membr keep fitin and it goin bee ok!

meek