[bitterdregs]

First, I want to say that I think DID is a complete bunch of horse puckey. Second, I seem to have it. It's an embarrassing thing to me. I don't wish to have groups and places for my "littles" ..aw ain't that cute ? I don't want to become a member of the new fashionable trend in middle aged mental probelms just to give me something to do. I want answers. I want a cure. I know, I have just offended half of you at least. Unfortunately you will just have to decide to not like me. I'm a pathological truth teller, it's OCD, heavy on the "compulsion". I'm not going to change what i just wrote. I am not aware that i have "littles" but if I do, I'd pull them out through my nose if i could. All things cute nauseate me..and frankly this site reeks with cuteness. I am not bashing anyone for their choice in coping mechanisms, I am simply explaining that I won't be doling out hugs in brackets nor do I want any. The truth as it is for me, usually gets censored. Does it make me angry ? yes and no. Does it usually get me banned ? yes.

I was always told i was merely highly compartmentalized. It never explained the missing time...but hey..I was'nt the doctor here. I've always had to go to the free county mental health services who want to call you schitz and send you away with a few bottles of pills. Most of my symptoms that seemed schitz turned out to be Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. Found that out a year ago. I am 46.

I finally got to go to a real shrink. Not often, but as often as my BF can afford. My shrink has credentials out the wazoo and is also a hypnotherapist. I chose him because talking and drugs have never helped me. I thought hypnotherapy might. I also chose him because he worked during the same time, in the same place, as the shrinks who gave my mother ECT/experimental drugs while she was pregnant with me in 63/64. I figured he'd have a better grip on what was going on with me. I was right.

Now that I have found such a shrink, I am moving of course. The place I am moving has nobody with his background or who does hypnotherapy in my area. Although..my shrink recommended that i call a dr. in the same state who's name is Richard Kluft. Said he was one of the world's experts in DID. So, I got on the internet to find his phone number and come to find out, Kluft is heavily involved in some tv show called 'United States of Tara'. I don't think my shrink knew this when he recommended him. I called anyway and got an answering machine that said " due to the volume of calls"... ugh. I left a mesaage asking for recommendations to any of his collegues in my new area, but have not received a call back. I'll have to tell my current shrink about Kluft's status and perhaps he can recommend someone else. It chaps my arse to no end that i am finally diagnosed correctly when a new hit show about DID is on tv. Oh yah....I'll be taken seriously now. (slaps forehead) The poor man is probably being called by every bored middle aged housewife in the country.

With the impending move from a safe wonderful house in the country to a slummy apartment in the city, I'm not sure how or if i will be able to maintain any type of control over my problem. I am already having dissociative slips from the anxiety of anticipation. Living with people on paper thin walls on both sides of me is something I have not done since I was about 21. I also have a problem with oversensory stimulation which triggers the TLE..so I'll be battling chronic anxiety/panic/TLE/DID/PTSD slash slash slash. I'm engaged. I wonder if i will be a few months from now. I'm terrified.

[anderson]

You have just described how we all feel when we are going through the why us and now what the heck am I suppose to do! The world is a hard place for those that are different, even more so when the difference is in the way we feel and act. Just keep sounding off. use the trigger icons when P*SS*ed and know that you are not the only one. I would look on the internite to see if you can find more DID T's in the area that you are moving to just from the sheer volume of over load of that one guy there should be another one in the area.
Sending safe hugs and thoughts !!!!
Know that we are here as we to are finding our place in the world..

[bitterdregs]

There are trigger icons ? I noticed someone put an angry face on mine. Is that a trigger icon ?

See this is all quite weird to me. I seem to be triggered by completely different things than most are. Not having freedom of speech triggers me LOL Cute icons trigger me haha I hated cute things even as a kid. Ok so they don't trigger personality shifts, just nausea. Why don't they have a vomiting icon ? I have one I can send to them.

Unfortunately I've had a few bouts of brain dmage. I can read the rules or how the board works a hundred times and I'll remember what I read for maybe a few seconds. I'd have to be here a year with people griping before i remeber how to use this feature or not do this or that. I'm sure I'll get booted for the OCD truth problem first though. Hey we could all take bets on whther I get ousted for the brain dmaage or OCD first. LOL Sorry i have to make light of everything. It's the only way i survive.

Well, due to the hallucination from the TLE, I can't drive. i've searched the city I am moving to and there are no DID specialists I can find, unless they simply are not lsited that way. I'm alone most of the time. I can't ride with other people in their vehicles or city busses... but I can do taxi's...go figure. If there is a therapist within 30 miles I could still take a taxi. Pricey, granted. In the meantime, I made an appointment with a septuagenarian, which I prefer. His specialty is child trauma but he does adult anxiety as well. Someone to talk to and maybe knowing the area, he will be able to come up with something better.

[bitterdregs]

hey it posted immediately ! Now I can SPAM ! LOL kidding

[pegasus]

Just want to welcome you to the DID forum!

I don't think you will get booted.

Hugs Sorry you don't like hugs but it is only a smilie, just a welcome type thing ok.

[bitterdregs]

hey thanks, and don't be concerned. At least the icons are not pastel pink and blue in this case and you did'nt use hugs in brackets. THANK YOU ! hee hee

[Nupoet64]

Hey Bitter, welcome to PC!! Sorry you are having such a rough go of it. I understand alot of the frustration tho, I am 46 adn have had every wrong therapy you can get, lol. I have recently began making progress with my new/old T. She is great and experienced with PTSD/ DID/ etc...gl out there in the new place. I could not move to the city.
I also have not like "cutsie" stuff most of my life, but I felt it to be weakness...being girly/cutsie, etc. But now I just do what I feel...and it is ok ...

[Rhiannonsmoon]

See this is all quite weird to me. I seem to be triggered by completely different things than most are. Not having freedom of speech triggers me LOL Cute icons trigger me haha I hated cute things even as a kid. Ok so they don't trigger personality shifts, just nausea.

Hello bitter,

I could well be wrong and this is only a guess but you seem to be triggered by getting angry at things you have decided to hate. Those things could be reminiscent of things that have hurt you, or things trapped inside which have caused you pain & anguish.

You have already been accepted here. Yes freedom of speech is important, but if that speech is unkind, mean, selfish, rude or derogatory to anyone it may be reported or removed. I've mentioned before that we are a support site first and foremost, it took me a while until the penny dropped and I realised it isn't a place to voice opinions or beefs if they aren't supportive.

PC is a social site but it is also a site where littles, teens and adults can come to discuss their problems. I'm sure you understand that bitter. And DID isn't horse puckey to those who are trapped in a system which only communicate when they want to.

You also challenge us to dislike you because you "speak your truth". If you weren't liked you wouldn't have received support. We enjoy PC and hopefully in time you will see the benefits of PC and most definitely feel the benefits of being here,


Rhiannon


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