... she wants to refer me to someone else. We talked about lots of options. I'm scared and she knows that.
She had come to feel that I am DID. She is going on a course in few weeks and she will get a diagnostic questionnaire then.
Whatever we (her, my Gp and I) deside she has promised to keep in touch during any transfer. That helps a bit.
Caroline et al

[allthegirls6]

Caroline,

How are you feeling about this? Why is your T refering you on?

All the girls xxxxx

I am being referred on for a few reasons I think.
The first is that she feels I need more lengthy treatment than the GP scheme can provide me with. I only get 8 sessions with her through my GP and I only have 4 left.
The second reason is that she feels she doesn't know enough about DID - though she has said she will consider taking it on, but she would need to learn alongside me.
The third reason is that she would need someone to supervise and support her if she undertook a longer term treatment.
And also she has to make sure she behaves ethically if she takes me on privately after she ahs been seeing me as a GP funded patient.

I'm feeling very very scared.
I understand all her reasons, but I feel abandoned - or about to be abandoned. That ties in with a lot of past things and is making me feel very insecure right now.
I trust her, and can't face bulding up a new relationship with a different counsellor / therapist.
I don't know how I would manage this logistically - she is good about seeing me at times i can make with my work commitments.
I don't know how I will explain it to other people.
I'm scared now the DID "label" has been acknowleged.

Caroline

[allthegirls6]

OK Caroline,

I know what you are saying. I too was only allowed a specific number of sessions through my GP. It was 8, and my T spoke to the doctors and I got a further 8. I then decided to go private and asked the T i had been seeing in the doctors of she could take me on. She said she would have to take this to supervision first to make sure it was ethical. She did and it was OK and she took me on privatley. I have ebbn seeing her for 5 years now so it should be possible for your T to continue seeing you.

I can see what she is saying about DID. It is alot to take on but tell her you are worth it and if you are willing to risk it she should be too.

Please keep me updates. IO know its hard becasue it will feel like she is abandoning you but all is not lost. So speak to her and see what can be done.

Audrey

before having the diagnosis you lived, you were able to do thing (some better than others if you are like me). The only thing that is going to change now with knowing the diagnosis is - how you handle knowing the foot long lable. You're still you and still able to do things. As for how you do those things Thats going to get better. You are not going to lose yourself or any of your memory states (alter, personality, parts, fragments, memory states which ever term you and your therapist decides to use during your treatment plan). My therapist that got laid off was with me from feb 2001 -march 2004. She started figuring out that I was DID with in 6 months of my starting to see her so I disclosed who diagnosed me and so on. Her first reaction too was to ask me if I would consider seeing someone else because she knew nothing about DID. We decided to stay together and work at developing a DID program for me. The resourse list that I posted is a part of what we had done during our 4 years together. You can find more info about my therapy plan we put together at NAMI on the message board called - living with a personality disorder. There I am known as katherine and the post subject line says - DID. Since NAMI is not exclusive to non- professionals your therapist may know the site already. There are loads of specialists, facilities and survivors out there willing to help you and your therapist develop the plan that is right for you. After my therapist was laid off and then we made the decision to drop our therapy time together I was given a therapist that works with DID. And for me nothing changed. I still work the same program - journalling, art work, and so on. Im actually having a good time (well as good as you can have with a therapist). Everything my past therapist and I did just winging it with research and contacting specialists and doing workbooks brought me to a point that is so much farther ahead of my present therapist other clients that we joke that I am always a step ahead of her. I always come in to my therapy sessions with what I want to do and how. For example one of my projects I came up with was building a three foot high cardboard version of the house I grew up in. I am making sort of wall paper with white typing paper based on a nightly night mare that I have. I know the nightmares starting point and there is more to it then I remember after waking up and it is most likely from an actual situation that happened that I cant remember. At my next appointment my therapist and I are putting the house together (we had to take it apart when she moved from one building into another.) and putting in the wall papers depicting the nightmares walls, floors and so on. Then if I don't chicken out my plan for the appointment after that is for me to use my relaxation techniques and my therapist does a lightening round of questions based on what she sees in the house and works our way past the point that I cant remember after waking up. You might say its my version of the rollplay and self hypnosis smashed in together. DID therapy is hard but if you can keep looking for the humorous side it makes it ssoooo much easier. Another thing that helped me is that my therapist and I included my best friend in my therapy program. The thiings my friend and I did for the sake of therapy was at times quite comical like going to mcdonalds and going though the play equipment because my therapy assignemnt was to go to a playground and watch the children play, find one at an age that I was abused and write on what I would say to her if she told me someone was hurting her, that she was to blame and she didnt know how to have fun. then actually play on the equipment and then write how it felt. WE HAD A BLAST. two adults going through kiddie tubes and slides while being completely aware it was so much fun that I still do it at least once a month to remiund myself I was not to blame and there is nothing wrong with having fun. My friend also helped me with workbook exercises in the book amongst ourselves where I had to chart my memory states. Im what my therapists call amnesiac - I have no idea what happens during the time I am mentally in my safe place and my body is running on automatic pilot of memory states. So when ever my friend found herself with me in a memory state she got the info needed-name, likes, dislikes and so on to fill in the chart. The point I am making is DID therapy does not have to be the tear your heart out type of therapy. Its what you and your therapist makes it based on what you need to heal, and what you put into it. so please relax. It's going to be ok no matter what therapist you have as long as you are willing to put in the time and work to get things done. How you get the work done is up to you - just talking, or journaling, artwork, craft projects what ever you want to put into it its YOURS to run with. And yes we had a back up - my therapist supervisor. My present therapist works specifically with DID and she also has what is called supervision meetings and her supervisor for me is the same one my past therapist had to see. Normally she does have a different supervisor but thought it best to keep the same one for me. I consider this supervisor to be my guardian angel. She doesn't know me face to face but she has gone to war for me against a DHS caseworker that was putting me through harrassment and so on. and she has never steared my past therapist or present one wrong in the total of 5 and a half years she's been on the case.

If I can go through this and come out on top ANY ONE can.

take care

Wow, myself, this is really helpful. Thank you.

The reminder that the label doesn't really matter is a good one for me. thank you.

The reassurance that having a therapist who is inexperienced in treating DID is also helpful
I looked at the NAMI thread on DID and found it very useful and informative, so thank you for that too. I don't think my counsellor will know the site but I may suggest it to her. I will certainly put in the time and what you have suggested and written about gives me some ideas of how I can carry on doing that while I wait for some kind of decision (which my GP will have to make) about how to proceed.

thank you so much.
Caroline

you're welcome. hang in there and take care.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((Caroline)))))))))))))))))

[allthegirls6]

((((((((((((((((((caroline))))))))))))))))))))))))))
We are all thinking about you.

Lots os love All the girls

and heres a X from me Iris

Thank you fuzzy, allthegirls and iris.

I'm not doing very well with all this today. Really struggling with it all - not just yesterday but everything. Can't see a way forward. See my GP tomorrow then it may be a month before I see anyone again - though I might ask my GP if I can have a checkup session with him in between.

I don't want to be like this.

Other stuff going on too - I have been used as a pawn and have ended up hurting through it. Money stuff. Back to work on Monday. too much going on for me right now. none of us want to be here.
c