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Old Sep 21, 2010, 12:16 AM
justdontknow's Avatar
justdontknow justdontknow is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: In a constant state of fear
Posts: 1,070
After doing so well, I had another dissociative episode in my counselor's office. I haven't had one in his office in several months. I asked inside to see who was out and why, but no one has come forward. Losing time now seems like it is even more frightening because I have had more control than ever before and now I feel as if I am going backwards. Sometimes, at the most inopportune times (as if there is a better time to dissociate), it happens and I feel so disoriented when I come back. It feels like it is worse than before. I thought I had this under control and to now know that is not true is disheartening. I can't help but feel extreme frustration and high anxiety because of this. I thought that maybe it is the work we are doing in our counseling sessions, but I am not sure. Our counselor gives us homework and this last bit has been very difficult. It makes me look at things I would rather not look at and admit. I have very high anxiety just putting them onto paper. I want so much to be more functional, but this is really kicking my butt. I don't know if I should tell him that I just can't do this, but I feel that if I don't do it, I won't get better and perhaps become worse. I know he would respect my decision, but I don't even know what that would be. I am afraid that the dissociation will get out of control again. I can't have that happen now. The job that I do requires me to be fully present and aware because I use hazardous materials and if I dissociate that not only puts me and everyone inside in danger, but it also puts my co worker in danger too. Sometimes I feel like I just want to curl up in my bed under the covers and not come out until it is safe, but I don't know that there will ever be a time that it is completely safe. I wish I knew what to do. Thanks for listening.

Cris
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Nupoet64

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  #2  
Old Sep 21, 2010, 07:29 AM
Anonymous43209
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(((((((((((((((((((((cris))))))))))))))))))))))♥♥♥♥
Thanks for this!
justdontknow
  #3  
Old Sep 21, 2010, 05:30 PM
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Lillyleaf Lillyleaf is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2010
Location: Lost :)
Posts: 666
Cris,
I hope things get better for you, I can promise you that thing do get better sure they go up and down but they will slowly rise up. I hope you keep at it... and hold on... you will be great!

((hugs))))

~Firefly
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I hope,
I dream,
I wish,
for a better tomorrow.....
Thanks for this!
justdontknow
  #4  
Old Sep 23, 2010, 11:13 PM
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michelle421 michelle421 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2010
Location: Minneapolis/St. Paul
Posts: 227
thank you for sharing. i can't even imagine that kind of work. you must be so strong. i believe you can do it. it will be hard work, but you will get through this and things can get better. i know it can. it doesn't mean it's gonna be easy... i still believe in you. you do have what it takes to grow stronger. it will be ok. eventually. hang in there!!

Thanks for this!
justdontknow
  #5  
Old Sep 24, 2010, 10:02 PM
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Nupoet64 Nupoet64 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,004
((((((((((Justdontknow))))))))))....hang in there....it is a healing pain....you will overcome it....I have faith in you....
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....the axe soon forgets, but the tree remembers forever... (Chinese fortune cookie)
Thanks for this!
justdontknow
  #6  
Old Oct 02, 2010, 09:03 PM
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Eriksplus Eriksplus is offline
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Member Since: May 2009
Location: Aurora, CO, USA
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(Weber)Erik
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~(Webber)Erik

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