Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Oct 14, 2010, 02:53 PM
pegasus's Avatar
pegasus pegasus is offline
Q&A Leader
 
Member Since: Jan 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 94,092
Hello friends! My turn to ask for a little help. As you all know I am DID but had 6 years of therapy and pretty much dealt with as much as we could.

The thing is I do from time to time block people out, particularly when someone is talking to me or when I am trying to concentrate in an important meeting I will block out what is being said. This is dissociation in that I can't hear what anyone is saying. Now, this used to happened particularly when someone was saying something nice to me so I never got to hear what nice things people said to me!

Anyhow, it is disconcerting. In a meeting today someone was saying something important and I didn't hear it so I had to ask them to repeat what they said twice! And I still didn't get it!

Also in the meeting today a chap was going on about important fire regulations, I tried to concentrate and then he appeared to say something really odd and out of context. The sentence didn't belong in his paragraph.

I do cope with all this (trying to do grounding etc) but would really like to be able to hear what people are actually saying to me whether it is nice or not!

__________________


Pegasus


Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
Thanks for this!
calmgrace, darkpurplesecrets, Gr3tta, Nupoet64

advertisement
  #2  
Old Oct 14, 2010, 03:13 PM
kasva's Avatar
kasva kasva is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2009
Posts: 320
this will sound stupid but.....that happens to me sometimes too....and i ask my core or worker to come out....usually it works...im not sure why it seems too simple anyways just figured id respond.......kasva
Thanks for this!
calmgrace, justdontknow, pegasus
  #3  
Old Oct 14, 2010, 06:55 PM
Hunny's Avatar
Hunny Hunny is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,982
(((((Pegasus)))))

Sometimes, yes, this happens. I have a bit of an interpreter within who can decipher things but when I am tired or triggered or perhaps distracted elsewhere I have noticed that the sentence they are speaking is coming to a close and I haven't heard much of what the speaker was speaking about.

I haven't noticed a trend toward it being when theya are saying something nice, like when you do Pegaus. That is pretty profound that you notice it happening around compliments though.

I wonder if it is a child part that comes forward and just doesn't want to be bored by meetings or misled by an adult to be swayed this way or that or misunderstands the conversation or is talking about fire and the possibility of a trauma situation. Sort of like hyper-vigilance. Keeping safe is so important and sometimes a certain person may look like someone, or sound like someone or smell like somone or I am being treated in a certain way and I have to establish safety for the small insiders and let the adult/mature part address the current issues.

Mostly, lately in grown-up situations I am trying with all my heart to let the small insiders just live calmly, safely away from the grown up world and let the mature parts take over. Mostly it is working and someone is listening and can interpret.

Anyways, these are just some ramblings that may or may not be helpful.

__________________


“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein

Thanks for this!
anderson, justdontknow, pegasus
  #4  
Old Oct 14, 2010, 11:43 PM
justdontknow's Avatar
justdontknow justdontknow is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: In a constant state of fear
Posts: 1,070
Pegasus,

This happens to me too. The only place that I dare ask the person to repeat is with my counselor. He understands me and knows that this happens. One time he repeated something 6 times before I actually heard it. I find that I say things over and over too, kind of like a long stutter. But again the only place I notice is in my counselor's office. I don't know if others just don't want to say anything because they are freaked out by it, or if I really only do it during sessions. When it happens outside of my counselor's office (things being said and me not hearing or comprehending them), I usually do not know what to say and then the person gets angry with me for my silence. When you find out what to do or have a better strategy, please share it with me because I am socially awkward as it is anyway without adding this ontop. With this I am viewed as a freak and most people don't talk to me anyway. I know this didn't help any, but I just had to get it out.

Cris from the Hotel
Thanks for this!
anderson, carinacan, pegasus
  #5  
Old Oct 15, 2010, 05:26 AM
pegasus's Avatar
pegasus pegasus is offline
Q&A Leader
 
Member Since: Jan 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 94,092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hunny View Post
(((((Pegasus)))))

Sometimes, yes, this happens. I have a bit of an interpreter within who can decipher things but when I am tired or triggered or perhaps distracted elsewhere I have noticed that the sentence they are speaking is coming to a close and I haven't heard much of what the speaker was speaking about.

I haven't noticed a trend toward it being when theya are saying something nice, like when you do Pegaus. That is pretty profound that you notice it happening around compliments though.

I wonder if it is a child part that comes forward and just doesn't want to be bored by meetings or misled by an adult to be swayed this way or that or misunderstands the conversation or is talking about fire and the possibility of a trauma situation. Sort of like hyper-vigilance. Keeping safe is so important and sometimes a certain person may look like someone, or sound like someone or smell like somone or I am being treated in a certain way and I have to establish safety for the small insiders and let the adult/mature part address the current issues.

Mostly, lately in grown-up situations I am trying with all my heart to let the small insiders just live calmly, safely away from the grown up world and let the mature parts take over. Mostly it is working and someone is listening and can interpret.

Anyways, these are just some ramblings that may or may not be helpful.

Thank you everyone, all your comments are helpful.

I don't think this is happening out of boredom as it tends to happen during a crucial part of a sentence and often when someone is directly speaking to me. I do think it is a protective part of me that comes out and decides that I don't need to hear what ever is being said. It could be a safety mechanism to protect me but I no longer need this to happen as an adult!

I did work on this in therapy years ago where T bombarded me with compliments, eventually I did get to hear most of what he was saying but I did want to hit him!!

I guess for now I am just going to keep asking people to repeat what they say to me even though they may be right next to me.
__________________


Pegasus


Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
  #6  
Old Oct 15, 2010, 08:13 AM
Nupoet64's Avatar
Nupoet64 Nupoet64 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jul 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,004
((((((Pesasus))))))..I am sorry, I was not in a place to respond,yesterday. I feel much the same at times. It is like the Peanuts TV shows when a parent enters the sceen...."whawhawhawha..." Sorry you struggle with this too.
__________________
....the axe soon forgets, but the tree remembers forever... (Chinese fortune cookie)
Thanks for this!
pegasus
  #7  
Old Oct 15, 2010, 08:19 AM
calmgrace's Avatar
calmgrace calmgrace is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hunny View Post
(((((Pegasus)))))

Sometimes, yes, this happens. I have a bit of an interpreter within who can decipher things but when I am tired or triggered or perhaps distracted elsewhere I have noticed that the sentence they are speaking is coming to a close and I haven't heard much of what the speaker was speaking about.

I haven't noticed a trend toward it being when theya are saying something nice, like when you do Pegaus. That is pretty profound that you notice it happening around compliments though.

I wonder if it is a child part that comes forward and just doesn't want to be bored by meetings or misled by an adult to be swayed this way or that or misunderstands the conversation or is talking about fire and the possibility of a trauma situation. Sort of like hyper-vigilance. Keeping safe is so important and sometimes a certain person may look like someone, or sound like someone or smell like somone or I am being treated in a certain way and I have to establish safety for the small insiders and let the adult/mature part address the current issues.

Mostly, lately in grown-up situations I am trying with all my heart to let the small insiders just live calmly, safely away from the grown up world and let the mature parts take over. Mostly it is working and someone is listening and can interpret.

Anyways, these are just some ramblings that may or may not be helpful.

__________________
Be Blessed -- Grace
  #8  
Old Oct 15, 2010, 09:44 AM
carinacan's Avatar
carinacan carinacan is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Sep 2010
Location: Denham Springs La.
Posts: 110
i do this alot to.......but i don't know what to do about it.....i guess just keep working on it.
  #9  
Old Oct 15, 2010, 09:44 AM
Hunny's Avatar
Hunny Hunny is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,982
warning: alluding to sa

Pegasus, lol about the wanting to hit him. I know you had great for him so, that is really sounds like an inner protector, lol.

Re: the boredom answer and your response....You've never sat in a former business meeting, lol

On further thought, I'm wondering if your groomer gave you a compliment before abusing you.... it occurred to me there were a couple of friends of my parents, yech...don't want to go there.

You must be doing a good job if you're receiving these compliments, well done! Of course I'm making a bit lite of it right now and I know you will never betray your old therapist but you may need to take off another onion layer, dear Peg, not now, but sometime.
Hunny ducks
__________________


“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein

  #10  
Old Oct 15, 2010, 10:01 AM
pegasus's Avatar
pegasus pegasus is offline
Q&A Leader
 
Member Since: Jan 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 94,092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hunny View Post
warning: alluding to sa

Pegasus, lol about the wanting to hit him. I know you had great for him so, that is really sounds like an inner protector, lol.

On further thought, I'm wondering if your groomer gave you a compliment before abusing you.... it occurred to me there were a couple of friends of my parents, yech...don't want to go there.
Yes. It was a great mechanism to escape real quick and became an automatic response which is why it's so difficult now.

Thanks
__________________


Pegasus


Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
Thanks for this!
anderson
  #11  
Old Oct 15, 2010, 11:04 AM
notz's Avatar
notz notz is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: Notzville
Posts: 60,397
This is true for me, too. I'm glad to see I'm not alone.

I find if someone is long winded I tend to drift.

If someone says something that takes me back to abuse, I can "totally disappear"

If someone is attacking me, I can go "numb and tingly" if it threatens me enough. I almost always have trouble verbalizing it later. Blocking it out.

I will ask people to repeat things if I trust them, "do you mind repeating that"? Sometimes I say (if it's true): I was so taken by what you said, do you mind saying it again.

Grounding skills help, but not always.

I trust spouse and pdoc enough to say, "will you say that again, I floated away".

Thanks for the thread.
__________________
Blocking people out.

notz
Thanks for this!
pegasus
  #12  
Old Oct 15, 2010, 02:33 PM
Perna's Avatar
Perna Perna is offline
Pandita-in-training
 
Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
Yes, I'll definitely (at work) ask someone else I am more comfortable with after the meeting exactly what so-and-so said if I didn't get it even with a repeat request. If it's something like your fire stuff, I'll ask around if there are printed copies (of rules or whatever) to make sure I don't miss something important/official.

My worst time is when I'm "leaving" and there are several people saying goodbye on both sides; once I've said goodbye I space out and will come to and be surprised that people are still talking/saying goodbye and be mortified that I haven't been "there" and may have missed future plans or personal things that were said.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
Thanks for this!
pegasus
  #13  
Old Oct 16, 2010, 08:41 AM
krazy_phoenix's Avatar
krazy_phoenix krazy_phoenix is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: Here
Posts: 320
Just adding my name on the distinguished list here. Sometimes when people are talking to me, I'm looking at them and can see their mouths move but I don't hear any sound, other times its like they are speaking a different language because I have absolutely no comprehension of what they are saying - I simply dont understand them - words, context, subject, nudda! Sometimes I'll fob my way thru, depending on the situation. Sometimes I have to ask them to repeat it several times too. I even get it with the tv. I'll be sitting watching the idiot-box with hubby and he'll make a comment on, say, the news. I'll have no idea what he's on about, nor the person yackn at me out of the screen. I have what I think is a high level of co-con, but there is still just soooo much I don't get. This is one of those things!
Thanx for sharin.
kp
__________________
Such Is Life
- Ned Kelly
Thanks for this!
pegasus, Ygrec23
  #14  
Old Oct 16, 2010, 09:02 AM
Hunny's Avatar
Hunny Hunny is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,982
KP,
I know this too re the tv. Mostly, with the advent of more technology, I mute most everything I watch and read the subtitles (as poor quality as they are at times). It makes it so much more understandable. i don't have to respond to the announcers voice, the dramatic music or the crashing and loud stuff going on. Or, I'll keep the sound lower. Perhaps, years of hyper-vigiilence watching body language of people who say one thing and do another? Yep, I think so.

Also, there are certain outer people who can interpret things for me, like close family members. When I watch a film or certain tv shows I don't understand they can tell me what is going on. This happens alot on the more aggressive to violent shows, especially the ones with all the special effects. I just cannot watch them sometimes at all. Maybe the little insiders get too worried. I could never watch the cartoons that beat people up while I was growing up.

But not to take away from the theme of this thread, I do think that when there is a person talking to me that doesn't seem genuine, seems passive aggressive, precedes their comments with a compliment, my system does seem to go on high-alert and listening is one of the least important tasks at that moment. My body seems to be preparing for defense at that and life saving. Sheesh, even if it is only perceived as you have stated Pegasus. Fight, flight and hyper-vigilence!

I wonder if the speaker can sense the fear at times, even that thought is present when I am in the midst of it. Lol, little do they know this is all happening internally.

But, having said that, it seems if there is an adult alter at the forefront, which I try to prepare for iin the work environment, I am more apt to be listening, paying attention, focused, willing to collaborate, negotiate or take up the task or whatever is being said. It's usually when I'm rested and life generally is more calm or there is an illusion of calm within. Little ones are safe, protectors are reasoned with and distracted and adults are interacting with each other as one would expect.

This thread has made me think that this may be how the controllers , perps, groomers go to us. They prefaced it with compliments and that destabilizes the system and they know it but needing to relate as adults is what we need to do.

How ya doin' Peg?
__________________


“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein


Last edited by Hunny; Oct 16, 2010 at 09:18 AM.
Thanks for this!
anderson, pegasus
  #15  
Old Oct 16, 2010, 09:26 AM
krazy_phoenix's Avatar
krazy_phoenix krazy_phoenix is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: Here
Posts: 320
I get easily overwhelmed too, especially if more than one person is talking at a time. I never have music playing, and I have the tv down as low as possible when hubby is watching (he has advanced industrial deafness so likes tv loud) and have subtitles too when its just me. I have too much 'head noise' to contend with to cope with other unnecessary additional auditory input. But as Pegasus put originally, its the 'necessary' additional auditory input that we have to listen to that gets missed or messed up. I wonder if it is an actual part of having DID?

Just off the track a little...as it seems that pdocs etc range between vague and black/white about DID symptomology, I wonder if those of us on her were to run a thread or blog where we could list symptoms that we can't attribute to another cause and see if we come up with some common denominators that we all might actually share, instead of us feeling so alone and isolated with our 'stuff'. I'm sure most of you reading this are like me and simply don't talk or discuss every day nuances that have been 'got used to' yet still impede on every day life to make it just that much harder, using the current subject as an example.

Anyway, sorry to hijack thread, just a thought as I was rambling on... I'll go away now!!

kp
__________________
Such Is Life
- Ned Kelly
Thanks for this!
DancingAlone, pegasus
  #16  
Old Oct 16, 2010, 09:44 AM
(JD)'s Avatar
(JD) (JD) is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2003
Location: Coram Deo
Posts: 35,474
I'm glad you are coping, but I do understand what goes into having to ask someone to repeat (I have a hearing disorder.)

Now, it could be you need to go back to therapy for a while, and work on this latest realization? Having DID often requires "going back" to therapy ... healing is a long process. Now that you are comfortable in the place you are, perhaps another aspect of yourself feels safe enough to emerge, and frankly just doesn't want to attend to the blah blah blah it hears at times?

In meetings and seminars, use a tape/digital recorder so you can play it back. I would suggest tape though, as sometimes the energy of an alter/ego state can interfere with digital communications.

Find different ways of asking them to repeat, if you haven't already. "Did I hear you say...?" "Wait, really? Say that again!"

__________________
Blocking people out.
Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE
Thanks for this!
anderson, krazy_phoenix, pegasus
  #17  
Old Oct 16, 2010, 10:22 AM
Hunny's Avatar
Hunny Hunny is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,982
Pegasus,

No matter what you choose to do, know that you are supported.

Symptoms not attributable to another cause, cool, KP, good idea. Maybe head it, for the curious?

We have these travelling hearing testers in our location, usually Saturdays at a shopping centre and it just takes a couple of minutes, no fuss, no mess.

The other thing is for people to make sure they have our attention to begin with. Some people just assume they have permission to interrupt thoughts (non diders must have thoughts), or when we are doing things.


__________________


“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein

Thanks for this!
pegasus
  #18  
Old Oct 16, 2010, 11:10 AM
pegasus's Avatar
pegasus pegasus is offline
Q&A Leader
 
Member Since: Jan 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 94,092
Thanks everyone so much for the input! Nice to know I am not alone in this.

It's just so disconcerting when one of the lil pegs decides to insert, "Eeyore went down to the river with Pooh," in the middle of someone elses sentence, sounds funny but I need to hear what the real sentence was!

You know, I was going to buy one of those dictophone thingy's for meetings, infact someone else at work had suggested it. (Maybe they knew I'd need it, who knows!) But I will definitely go get one now. It won't look out of place in meetings and conferences, infact we'll look mighty professional! lol
__________________


Pegasus


Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
Thanks for this!
(JD)
  #19  
Old Oct 16, 2010, 12:31 PM
(JD)'s Avatar
(JD) (JD) is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2003
Location: Coram Deo
Posts: 35,474
Quote:
non diders must have thoughts)
Yep, you betcha!
__________________
Blocking people out.
Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE
  #20  
Old Oct 16, 2010, 06:12 PM
DancingAlone's Avatar
DancingAlone DancingAlone is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Jun 2009
Posts: 583
oh dear, another piece to the puzzle...have always tuned people out, and not out of boredom, just honestly don't hear what they are saying, but just thought it "was me". and i say "what?" a LOT. it's like my brain catches glimpses, if you will, of people saying something to me, but *i* am just not there to hear it . and am not hard of hearing! have to really "concentrate" when somebody is speaking to me. and forget about a crowded chat room! oiy, impossible!

and have literally quit watching movies and reading books (except at my wednesday night client's to have something to do but it takes hours to just read about 40 pages!) because i catch myself just staring at the screen/book and not knowing what i had just watched/read. and it's not recent, it's all my life. hated any type of schooling because of "attention span" as i called it.

but thank you so much pegasus, for sharing these things...no, you are not alone

Thanks for this!
anderson, Hunny, pegasus, Ygrec23
  #21  
Old Oct 16, 2010, 08:12 PM
anderson's Avatar
anderson anderson is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2009
Location: getting use to my own skin again
Posts: 1,797
thank you pegasus, we do the same thing time to time that is why we recorded to when we are under stress. just know that we do hear you even better because we can read your words.
__________________
Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson
Thanks for this!
pegasus
  #22  
Old Oct 17, 2010, 12:20 PM
pegasus's Avatar
pegasus pegasus is offline
Q&A Leader
 
Member Since: Jan 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 94,092
Thanks everyone.

Back to work tomorrow and there is a colleague that I always switch off on. I happen to like her but I'm forever asking her to repeat what she said. Actually we do clash personality wise, the rota has changed so we won't see each other so much. Two bosses together doesn't work see? Anyhoo, I'm already worrying that we'll switch off when she starts talking to me. Please let me stay with it! Does it help to beg all of the littles to pay attention? I don't know, I'll try anything. Can't use a dictophone on this one. We'll blag through, no doubt.
__________________


Pegasus


Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
  #23  
Old Oct 17, 2010, 01:26 PM
Anonymous37819
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
.....it's not just a job......it's an adventure!.........
Thanks for this!
DancingAlone, pegasus
  #24  
Old Oct 17, 2010, 02:52 PM
pegasus's Avatar
pegasus pegasus is offline
Q&A Leader
 
Member Since: Jan 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 94,092
What? Eeyore and Pooh went down to the river and met Tigger too?
__________________


Pegasus


Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
  #25  
Old Oct 17, 2010, 03:29 PM
darkpurplesecrets's Avatar
darkpurplesecrets darkpurplesecrets is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Aug 2007
Location: within another world not seen. built and silenced behind a wall of fear based strength......
Posts: 12,715
((((Pegasus))))

Just wanted to say that I hear what you are saying. So many times when someone is talking somehow I can be looking right at them and not hear them. I think I am listening but at times it is like someone steps in front and my hearing is not really there. I have to at times when I am not embarassed to ask them, "What did you say?"

I hope that this week at work goes better and that you will let us know how you are doing. I think a recorder would work well. Wish you the best. Thinking of you. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps
Thanks for this!
pegasus
Reply
Views: 1340

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:18 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.