Have an appt to see a psychiatrist in just over a week. Not sure how I feel. Onthe one hand at least something is due to happen, but on the other it is scary to think of having to explain all the stuff again, and the last time I saw a psychiatrist (about 20 years ago) it wasn't a positive experience....
Caroline

i'll be thinking of you. just remember you're 20 yrs away from the last experience. things have changed somewhat since. and you are 20 yrs older and more mature. you will handle it just fine.
w_i

Thank you.
Trouble is, when things are too challenging I go back to being 6 or 7 and cry uncontrollably. Not sure that will be very helpful in this situation!
C

[kimmydawn]

(((((((caroline)))))))))

so much has changed in 20 yrs! i think you're going to do just fine.

kd

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((Caroline)))))))))))))))))))

[allthegirls6]

((((((((((((((((((((((((caroline))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

kisses from Iris for being very helpful

Iris

Thank you fuzzy, KD and allthegirls (and iris).

I'm wondering whether to phone my counsellor (she's back fro holiday on MOnday but my appt isn't till after the hospital one) to see if I can see her earlier and talk to her. What do you all think? We don't have an arrangement where I regularly phone her if in crisis, but I do have her phone no as she gave it to me on my first appointment.
H asked me yesterday why I have been referred and I didn't know what to say. I just said they wanted to see if they could help. Scared to tell him - will wait till there is something more concrete I think.
Caroline

[allthegirls6]

Caroline, Take the bull by the horns, take a big deep breath, gather all your strength and pick up the phone. Ive got a good feeling about it Caroline. Make the call, its important. Feels like its very important.

Audrey

[dragonskin]

Good luck Caroline i'm sending you dragonhugs!

[[[[[[[dragonhugs]]]]]]]

Thank you all again.
So many questions:
Who I will see?
What they will say? (the last psychiatrist I saw, 20 years ago now, started off by saying, more or less, "How are you?")
What will they already know? What will they want to know?
How do I make sure I tell them how difficult things are right now? It's so hard for me to be honest and so easy for me to put on a brave face and let it seem that everything is OK.
What will have been said in the referral?
Do I need / would it help to take anything?
How do I start to talk about the "inside" life - and will they believe me if I do?
Will it all get too heavy and leave me frantically backtracking - I couldn't cope with being put in hospital.

The last time the psychiatrist I saw I could hardly understand and that made it even harder - his english was so heavily accented. I'm so so scared.

OK, I tried to call my counsellor but just got the answer phone. I don't do answer phones! So I sent her an email, basically with the worries and questions in my post here. Got a reply today which is helpful.
She had a request to call the mental health services waiting for her when she returned from holiday. She spoke to someone today about me and they have said I can phone them to discuss any concerns / worries. They can also arrange for the person I will see to call me and introduce themself before the appointment, and for them to meet me in receptiion. The second I am certainly going to go for; the first too if I can manage it with the complications of work and appointments. I am still very scared, but am starting to think this might be manageable.
Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement.
C