new(ish) diagnosis

Hello all. I have recently been diagnosed with dissociative disorder NOS. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around what the diagnosis actually means. I cannot really remember much of anything before the age of 10 years old. If I can recall something it is very fragmented and fuzzy, like an out of focus photo. My father died a few weeks after my 10th birthday 13 years ago. I can only recall events that happened after his death. I am working very hard in therapy on trying to recover those memories and to work with the core issues and beliefs that lead me to dissociate. I am looking for insight on this disorder and recovery from it. I am currently in a residential treatment facility and am about to transition onto the next level where I will have more independence, freedom, and responsiblity. I am wondering how you all experience this disorder, what you work on in therapy, any medications that could help, and if any of you experience hearing "voices" (for lack of a better word) in your head that are not auditory hallucinations but more like thoughts that are imported into your head that are not part of you. Like a constant critical dialouge or commentary that you cannot control or turn off. Does any of that make sense? Just wondering if there are others out there that experience this and how they deal with the voices. Thanks

Sarah

I have not been diagnosed and so have not had any treatments or anything as of yet. I just recently started therapy. But, I wanted to say that your description of your symptoms/experiences sounds a LOT like what I have been experiencing - right down to the voices and dialogue in my head.

I wish you the best in your treatment.

((( milkblood )))
we live with what you have described all of our life. I was tought to listen and to help those voices to heal and grow. by doing this I have grown stronger and able to work as a unit. we are so much like a class room full of children but working together to make the grade .
~
we are now on social sercurity and starting over again. so just remember even during the bad times new beginings do come , just not when we want them.
~
sending safe thoughts and hope from all of us to all of you!

Milkblood.Yes.I have those voices.They are not audible.They are in essence ...'unsolicited awful and intrusive thoughts which are depressing due to their offensiveness and the fact that they oppose my core values.I have been so weighted down by this that I play very loud music at times to try to fill the space in my head with other thoughts.I have been very worn down by this at times.Doing ok atm ...but yes...I have those.Hugs if you are ok with hugs...WO.olf

I love your way of describing the 'out of focus photo.' Most of my own memories are the same, and I have trouble trying to explain it to others.

As for the 'voices,' I don't think I experience this in the same way others here do (although I'm not sure). I do have an internal monologue of uncontrolled thoughts which I'm not consciously thinking though. I have also experienced certain strong thoughts jumping out at me which don't seem to make any sense. I haven't figured out how much of this is connected to the dissociation and how much is anxiety though. I'm still in a real jumbled mess of confusion about the whole thing.

Anyways, I've found the best way for me to deal with these 'outside' thoughts is to first let them in. The more I try to push them out or ignore them, the worse they get. Then I try to rationally address whatever is coming at me and where it is coming from in a very concrete way. Sometimes I'll speak out loud when doing this. Of course, this process is a lot easier when I can get some frame of reference regarding what the 'voices' are talking about. When it's just random instructions or concepts, then I just get confused.

I also have DDNOS, and I have internal voices that talk back and forth to each other and sometimes to me, making comments on me, my therapist, the other voices, and just general things that are going on.

I am going to start taking medication, but I don't necessarily think it is for symptoms of DDNOS. I think it is more for managing self-injury and bulimia.