[Catlovers141]

I'm not sure if this should be posted here or in the psychotherapy board, but I hope it is okay here.

I have told my therapist that my parts show me very disturbing images and tell very upsetting stories but I haven't been able to say any content or even say what they are about at all.

I am usually able to say things, even those things that are pretty difficult, but I have been trying for over a month to at least say something about what I see and hear so that she can narrow down what she can do to help me, and I just can't. I have tried choosing the "easiest" ones, practicing with a stuffed animal, writing them down... I am just not getting anywhere.

Part of the issue I am having is worry about my T's reaction. I don't remember any of this happening to me, but some of it corresponds to what I experience in my life. I am just very afraid that she will think I am consciously or unconsciously making it up because these kind of experiences have been controversial for some people (images/stories are related to s*x*al abuse that I have not experienced to my knowledge). Plus, it is so difficult for me to say and I am afraid that once I do say the images and they turn out to be nothing it will feel stupid that it took so long for me to say them in the first place.

I'm completely stumped as to how to make this any easier for myself. Any suggestions?

[invisigirl]

I wish I had suggestions for you... but I am in exactly the same place. only I haven't been able to even bring myself to write it down, let alone say it allowed to myself or anyone else..

maybe take what you've written down with you and show your T?

[complic8d]

I've just had something like this happen in t. The hopeless, suicidal part was going on and on, and it scared her. She admitted to that, but reminded me that I am not in charge of her feelings, she is. It is more important that she get to know this part and give it validation. Have you told your t what you posted here, about being worried about her reaction? Don't know if this relates or not.
Take care.

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by Catlovers141

I have told my therapist that my parts show me very disturbing images and tell very upsetting stories but I haven't been able to say any content or even say what they are about at all.

Dear Catlovers 141, I too have been diagnosed as DDNOS. I began therapy six months ago. I was very lucky to have been able to be with my T for years before that and observe her treating someone else (my wife). This gave me great trust in her and respect for her professional abilities.

That made it easier, when the time came, to share with her things I had never told to anyone else. If and when you have the same confidence in your T you do need to try and relax and have faith in her professional judgment and abilities. You will not be hurt by sharing memories, thoughts and feelings with her, even if you don't know that those memories, thoughts and feelings are "true" or made-up. It's not your job to know whether things are "true" or made-up. That's HER job. SHE will tell YOU. And it really doesn't matter whether things are "true" or made-up: they are ALL significant and important for her to know.

I am usually able to say things, even those things that are pretty difficult, but I have been trying for over a month to at least say something about what I see and hear so that she can narrow down what she can do to help me, and I just can't. I have tried choosing the "easiest" ones, practicing with a stuffed animal, writing them down... I am just not getting anywhere.

You must think of T not just as another person, but as a temporary "good mother" who is there to take care of you and help you feel better. If you understand her to be a "good mother" you will be able to tell her what is so difficult to tell her now. And you need to tell her all about your difficulties in exposing your thoughts and feelings to her. That will help her help you, which is what she's there for.

Part of the issue I am having is worry about my T's reaction. I don't remember any of this happening to me, but some of it corresponds to what I experience in my life.

T's are very, very experienced in hearing all kinds of things from their patients. That's in a sense the essence of their job. You do not have to worry about how she will react. But you must tell her all about that worry, because it's important. Regardless of any fear you may feel, your T WILL NOT react "against" you for anything you say.

I am just very afraid that she will think I am consciously or unconsciously making it up because these kind of experiences have been controversial for some people (images/stories are related to s*x*al abuse that I have not experienced to my knowledge).

You yourself don't even know for sure what truth you are telling and what part of what you say may be made up. You need to tell T all of it, what you think is truth and what you think you may have made up. It's her job to sort out the two different things. She will NOT hold this against you.

Plus, it is so difficult for me to say and I am afraid that once I do say the images and they turn out to be nothing it will feel stupid that it took so long for me to say them in the first place.

NO, NO, NO! EVERYTHING you feel, think, say and remember, REAL OR NOT, is important for T! You NEVER have to feel "stupid" about any difficulty you are having in saying out loud what you sense is within you. And your T will never, ever, hold it against you WHATEVER you may have to say to her. She is not just another friend or relation. She is a highly trained, experienced, woman professional who KNOWS how to deal with the kinds of problems you are experiencing. Please accept my kindest wishes and hopes for a successful therapy! Trust your T! And take care!