[Kathyanita]

NOT leaving.
I want to say why for my self the clinical idea of equating integration with mental health is not sensible and reasonable.
I dont have parts with names- but do have these personified ( to greater and lesser degrees of definition) parts or voices in my head which make me.

But I think of these "parts" as wells. To me, all people who claim some mental health stridently have a pool of self-awareness and experience, history and knowledge. This pool is drawn from to inform thier lives.
I do not have a pool. I have separate wells. This means it takes me longer than the mentally fit to draw all that I want to say or inform myself about- that might be a disadvantage,
however the advantage I have in this mental organization is that if one well is contaminated by a pollutant, this doesnt contaminate all the rest.

If a pool is polluted then all water is tainted. If a well is rancid then another well will be fresh and unspoiled.
Long way around saying I tried and I thought I failed integration BUT I actually suceeded in keeping fresh resevoirs to draw from.
Thank you to this boards community for support and to the PC community and goodwill of members as a whole. Kathy

[January]

What a beautful post, KathyAnita. Thank you for sharing that!

Hugs,

Jan

[Zorah]

{{{{{Kathy}}}}}

[Gemstone]

{{{{Kathy}}}}}

[Kathyanita]

in the gallery
(no- I'm not related to Mick Jagger)

how cool to be a beautiful female version of mick! very pretty!

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((Kathy)))))))))))))))))))

I'm so glad to see you here and what a brilliant explanation of your (and close to my) experience! What a wonderful analogy in helping to understand!

You are so very special. I hope you always know that.

KD

[Kathyanita]

Thanks Kimmy-
hey maybe now I can let out poetry again. That was a huge problem in personal relationships outside of here - having to censor and edit my voices and all the expressions just because some people couldnt tolerate hearing from them.

People would forget them is me is us all at once. People forget too that the things I might show them in my words and pain that scares them is the things and the disorder that was caused by people in the first place. A thing we dont get to shrink from and wander away and avert our eyes. But they make us feel dirty for being the living proof- for surviving and telling and opening our mouth to let words out and nothing in. And there behavior says to us that its too much to ask that we be allowed a place in their communities- not just the charity of understanding but also the validation and actual help of corrective relationships among people.

Even friends would not want to associate with me publically like Im a secret shame to whisper around when I disociate. If Im too tired to work at "passing" and switch a lot thats exactly the time friends are not supposed to abandon you and make you feel like your dirty and not good enough for their polite image.

I dont need friends that cant let me come right on in the front door and cant trust me to be true and faithfull friends.

Theres no community out there that I know about. None brave enough to say we want your contribution and we want to contribute ours. But at least we got one going on in here.
Kathy

[LILITH]

Good post!

Lilith

[Mahali]

Well said Kathyanita.

[Fuzzybear]

Good post Kathyanita,

Fuzzy

[Gemstone]

I agree with everyone else.