There's a strong insider who is pushing W_I further and further away and is making plans to take her place. It's getting harder and harder to tell the difference. Even her H doesn't know, and our T is clueless.
She's been tellling us we don't need to see our T anymore and to be quiet and don't tell anymore stuff.
When W_I comes out, she comes out and takes over. Later she laughs.
Any one have any help for us?
Vicki

Vicki,

You need to tell or call your T right away!! Call right now if you can. You said, "Even her H doesn't know, and our T is clueless." How would they if no one tells. I am giving you permission to tell! It'll be okay.

Then, I want you to print this post and put it in the mail to her right now. Don't tell me you can't...you HAVE to do this. Get an envelope and address it so it goes out tomorrow, Vicki.

You need to tell T right away.

Maybe some others here will have better advice for you. Until then please stay safe.

Petunia

[CedarS]

Do like Petunia said, Vicki. You can do this.

Caroline

at one point I was very suicidal and so I spent alot of time in my mental safe place called la la land. I would come back from la la land only to be with my therapist. Sometimes I would ask her what it is like when Im not there and she told me pretty much no different since all the peieces of memories are about me and my life no one can tell the difference. There is nothing wrong with no one knowing the difference in fact they are not supposed to. I made a sacastic remark that maybe I'll just stay in la la land for the rest of my life then that way I don't have to think about living without my son, Just let the memory peices take over forever. My therapist laughed and told me to go ahead and try it. Its physically and mentally impossible, one of those over dramatized myths of DID. Just like when my brain matches triggers to to the memories to know which memory piece to rerun when I get triggered It also knows when not to run them too when there is no trigger factor. and to prove it she reminded me that I haven't missed an appointment with her yet. My brain knows I am safe with her so doesnt rerun memory pieces when I come to see her unless we are talking about some triggering stuff. When its safe nothing can stop the person from returning.

She'll come back when she feels safe. In the meantime her therapist should know she has gone inside so she can help you find out what the trigger is that is keeping her from feeling safe.

W_I doesn't go to the therapy appts., I do or Crystal does. She doesn't come out there either. She did yesterday 'cause T worked at getting her out, but it was just briefly then Amber took over again.
Amber is really angry about stuff that happened in the life.
She's like something that is gonna explode and I don't think it will be pretty.
We have an appt with T tomorrow.
T knows W_I hasn't been out for a long time. But she doesn't know Amber yet.
Vicki

[Gemstone]

{{{{Vicki}}}}}

I'm confused. In your first post you said your therapist is clueless but now you are saying your therapist worked to get W_I to come back. In order for your therapist to work to get someone to come back she has to know what is going on otherwise she wouldnt have tried to "call out" the person. And the only way to get the person to come out is to let them know they are safe from whatever is triggering them. Your second post tells me the therapist is not clueless and knows exactly what is going on and is doing her best to help you. See therapists know when a person enters a memory piece. They are trained in detecting changes in mood, heart rate, breathing rate, tone of voice, posture, language, and mannerisms. Each time a DID person switches every one of these things changes at the same time from how the person normally is to the information that the memory content is about. Your therapist knows when "Amber" is there. She may not know the name yet but she knows "Amber" by her mood content, her heart rate, breathing rate, and so on. Everytime you have the same mood, heart rate, breathing rate and so on regardless of name the therapist knows it. My therapist "Sue" was not trained in DID work and knew right off the bat that something was different during a meeting we attended together. At this point she did not know I was DID and that I knew I was DID but in denial. When we came out of that meeting we were in her car and she said I was like a different person in there my (to use her words) "heart rate, breathing, posture everything sang of confidence" when I am not normally that way. That was her first clue that I was DID, and she knew each and every time I was in that "Mary" memory piece. She also knew without a doubt when I was experiencing the memory piece of angry 10 year old "Margo"But she didn't discuss the specifics with me at that point. Your therapist may not have discussed with you when you switch or what memory pieces you have switched into but she knows what is going on. There are many reasons why a therapist wouldn't discuss what happens when a DID switches (the main one being heart rate and breathing rate changes are automatic not something anyone can control so it has not been disclosed to the general public so therapists are able to weed out the fakers. a person in a true switch has the same heart rate and breathing rate EVERY time they enter the same memory piece). Im not your therapist so I can't say why your therapist isnt discussing the switches specifically in regards to you. Maybe she does not know you know you are DID, it could be that she is using certain techniques to find out if the switches are true switches or it could be the content is not what you are ready for yet. I don't know why your therapist isnt talking about the fact that she knows whats going on and is taking care of it but the fact that she is actively "calling out" W_I tells me she knows what is going on and is taking care of the situation. Like my "Margo" "Amber" is there for a reason I know it makes you uncomfortable but the only way to find out what that reason is, is if "Amber" keeps "coming out". Talk with your therapist she will help you to understand what is going on and the process better. Take care.

[kimmydawn]

i think i get it.

myself, i think what vicki is saying is that w-i doesn't go to t normally, if at all. a couple of others do. she actually said that t is working to get her out there, not "back".

i also think she meant that t is clueless as to the underlying concern of this insider working to stay out all of the time, more or less...not clueless as to the switches of DID or dx.

i agree with petunia, vicki. you need to call t and give her a head's up.

be safe everyone.

kd

I know what it feels like feeling things will explode. Sometimes I do that. Sometimes after I have let things explode things are easier to deal with, they are better. Exploding is scary but sometimes it is better afterwards.

thanks ((((Kimmydawn)))))got it now.

[kimmydawn]

you're most welcome (((((((((((myself))))))))))))

your posts are always so thought out and informative. i just wanted to help clarify a bit

be safe,

kd

(((((((((((((((vicki, et.al.)))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((Kimmy))))-thanks for helping. Sometimes I don't get the words or thots just right. I get panicy lots too.
myself--thanks for the info. Our T knows we're DID. She knows when someone is out and usually who it is. She doesn't know Amber by name. She's real open with us about stuff and is good at making sure we feel safe.

I think that there's alot of stuff W_I doesn't want to face right now.
Some is really ugly stuff and she might not like H when she knows what he done.
Maybe she's scared of that. I dunno. Just my thots.
Maybe I'm just too much a busy body. But I'm getting to kinda like W_I and don't want another to do stuff to her.
Vicki

{{{{{{ Vicki }}}}}}

You're doing just fine.

You're such a sweetie.

Petunia

Your thoughts are just fine and I agree your doing great. the problem in my getting confused is not always the person who is posting. its because I have so much information available to me and am so far ahead sometimes that I get confused trying to put poster, information and where I'm at all into one package and it sometimes throws me off of the meaning of the original posts. I am happy to hear your therapist is open with you. And yea there probably is alot W_I is afraid of. I have no idea what is behind my "Margo" but given I threw a table at the therapist I had before this one while experiencing the "Margo" memorys I'm scared to you know what to even ask what that was about. And I don't want to think about it anytime soon either. Hang in there you are doing a great job of taking care and protecting W_I.

Very glad to have you helping me to clarify when I get like this ((((kimmydawn)))) and glad you like all my information I've got in this head of mine.

[shadowdancer]

how do i always end up late? sorry, Vicki that i wasn't here earlier. ((((((((((((((Vicki))))))))))))))))

i think you're doing a great job of taking care of W_I and i think, too, that Petunia's right and you should tell your T as fast as possible. even if she has some idea of what's going on, any help you can give her will no doubt be appreciated. not just to keep her informed but to also keep letting her know that you guys are continuing to take an active role in your therapy. she will appreciate the help and i am sure that she will have some ideas to help with Amber. perhaps she can talk to Amber and figure out what's going on.

((((((((((((((((((Vicki)))))))))))))))))))

keep us posted if you can and stay safe.


shadow

Just really tired.
Amber slips out and gets mad at H.
He is trying to be light hearted and make us smile. No one is really in a playful mood right now. We all feel bad that he is really trying to make us laugh and feel better and we're just too tired and sad to even fake it.
Maybe tomorrow will be better...

[Zorah]

The lousy h trying to stop the bad memories
Of course he's trying to make you smile NOW !!!!
Why should you have to fake it !!!!!!

(((((((((Hugs))))))) to youa ll. I can't think of anything else to offer, I'm afraid. I'm here and listening though, whenever you want to talk.

Caroline