[dawnhopeful]

I havent really know what this label meant up till now. I went to see a doctor the other day (for haemhorrhoids) and i found myself fading off into a daydream state. I was listening for the words or ideas behind the words spoken. You see, i'd gone through a previous experience with a Dr. who breached his boundaries. Now i know that i disassociate.
I am trying to experience my feelings now . i cant cry. I have a therapist who is trying to bring me to feeling again. I felt today, that i was very depressed.. I am trying to make sense of the feelings and concerns about my marriage. I know that I cant trust my husband enough to leave my diary around the house. I am trying to distinguish where he starts and I end I have discussed everything with him up till now. I wont do that anymore. I dont feel that he is my biggest friend anymore and I am suspicious of him. I dont know whether to trust anyone , him included. He is a Psychiarist and this makes my situation worst. Any thoughts on this. What is this about . I am trying to get better and make changes

[dragonfly2]

I understand how frustrating it is to not be able to access your emotions. I have Depersonalization Disorder and have been dissociating since I was a child. It's not only the lack of feelings that gets to me, but the perceptual distortions can be quite disturbing at times.

One thing I've found to help bring me back into my body or be more present in my surroundings is the feeling of cold on my wrists or back of my neck. Ice packs, frozen peas, a small bag of ice wrapped in a light cloth, even snow, can help me come back. Another helpful, albeit very odd thing is the color red. When I was a teenager, I used to call my dissociative states "grey outs", for lack of any other term (not knowing that what I was experiencing had a name). This was because as part of the visual distortion, most colors would simply fade away to grey. Except red. It wasn't as vivid as usual, but it was more visible to me than the others and it gave me something to focus on.

Now, dissociation is there for a reason. It is our mind's way of protecting us from things that may be too painful, whether it be from past trauma or a current situation. Sometimes it can get out of whack, however, and interfere with our daily lives. Keep working with your therapist and try to experiment with safe physical or visual sensations to help you ground. Be careful if you choose ice - do not use it on bare skin, since it can still burn you and you may not feel it as strongly as it really is at first because of the detachment. There is a good website for people with this kind of dissociative issue: www.dpselfhelp.com . Even just reading stories from others who understand can help things feel less scary at times.

As for how to handle the issues with your husband....that is a sticky situation. His being a psychiatrist only compounds things, I'm sure. I would say to try to involve your therapist in that dynamic as much as you feel comfortable. Maybe having your husband go to a session with the understanding that he is there as YOUR HUSBAND, and not a psychiatrist might be an option. Understand, though, that it might be difficult for him to separate the two.

I hope you find some relief and begin to feel safe with your feelings soon.

[AngelsRUs]

Thanks for the ideas for getting out of dissociating...I have just recently realized that I have DID...and my fractured personality is a bit out of control the last few years. I will try these as so far the only way I have found is to have sex with my husband and sometimes I just don't feel like it. Esp. since we are having issues...he has scitzod disorder and refuses to do anything about it...uggghhh!