Hardest session ever... Continued... ramble

Well, that was an interesting ride!

I am the part that is typically out and I just got back out this morning so... obviously there was some serious parts stuff going on yesterday! Enough of the day was shared with me that I don't feel as though I lost a day but it is very very jumbled. Being able to read "my" post in the psychotherapy forum has been rather helpful.

A long time ago I talked to T about being DID and she said that she didn't work with parts, it was "too messy". I was OK with her not working with parts as I had other goals and the DID is pretty well managed. I did trigger and get really upset over being called messy.

A few sessions back T said she wanted to start seeing the real me rather than working with me intellectually to do our work. Not too long after that session the little one (Elestial) came out with massage T who does work with parts. I think the pressure had been building since the session with T for the parts to come out. I had been put in a double bind of "be yourself" and "I don't work with parts" and I think yesterday we reached our limit.

I am watching the "movie" of the session yesterday through many eyes and it is hard to understand a story being told from that many perspectives all at the same time. We are almost always out in pairs. Yesterday Elestial was the lead part but I don't know who was out with her.

If I am putting the pieces together right a deal was made between T and the system to work together as long as the boundaries were clear (which I think for T means not being "messy").

Elestial was an odd choice of parts to go out first as she is SO phobic of the outside world. She is however one of the easiest to tell apart from me.

As I type I see they are taking on names again. We haven't used names in a long time because it got too dangerous.

And so the adventure begins...

I hope you guys don't mind us talking things out here. We find outside feedback helpful and the one person who isn't a therapist out here that we have to talk to is moving out of state. And the only cat that will listen without wandering off for food or falling asleep is Deaf.

it is very interesting to read your posts Omers, i have been dxd with a dissociative disorder but i do not have 'parts' or lose time, so it is good to be able to understand how you cope/function with many parts. I am sure others will not mind you talking things out on here either as it gives others the 'i'm not alone ' feeling and things they can relate to.
alternatively you could always try teaching deaf cat sign language!!

LOL, The Deaf cat (DC... I know, how original) does know some sign! He knows sit, no, his name, come, eat and water. All of them are American Sign except come. He is very willing, engaged and wants to please but is slow on picking up signs. But I am slow on learning new signs too... and far from fluent.
Oh, and that is his pic to the left. That is from Halloween last year... He loved the reaction when he jumped out at trick-or-treaters!

and
Omer,
We go through same things at times it drives us crazy watching the movie stories that take place in our dayly life each part coming to terms with events. All in their own way. I have been here for almost two years and I am still learning the different sites.
We hope that you do continue sharing it helps those with us not feel so alone.

Hi Omers! *waving* Thanks very much for sharing this. We really like to learn about others experiences, helps us understand and get ideas a lot.
We like that you are thinking of this as an adventure! It sounds like such a positive thing! (hope this is how you meant it?)
Take care, and please keep sharing!

Yes, for me it is a positive thing. For the most part I think I am about as comfortable with being DID as you can be.

Other than the occasional stray mood swing from T I have the best treatment team I could imagine. OK, I could imagine any, or dare I say it... all of them taking my insurance... that would make it better... but... I've got them.

The first T I had that figured out I was DID didn't tell me, learned the names of the parts and played god over my world... It was ugly. So, now there is a good interrelationship between my parts (even if I am not kept in the loop) that helps keep us more safe.

My current treatment team (T, Pdoc & massage T) is somewhat detached from outcomes... They are mostly of the opinion that I am a 34 year old single mom of a very difficult adoptive child and am successful despite my various labels. They are here to help and support but don't see any point in "fixing" things that are not causing me hardship. So, where I ask for help they are there, they occasionally point things out that I may not be seeing but ultimately everything is up to me.

Massage T spent over a year of weekly sessions just inviting Elestial to come to our sessions. Massage T caught Elestial poking her head out once just checking things out April/May of last year. Massage T was sure to ask how Elestial was and see if she needed anything until a couple of weeks ago with no response. She never gave up, never got frustrated, never pushed, just made sure she acknowledge Elestial every session.

I also have a 4 legged treatment team/support crew. Omi (cat) takes the night watch, DC (cat) takes the day watch, Emma (cat) is afraid of most of the parts (but then she is afraid of everything except food), Grace (dog) provides unconditional positive regard and Jazz (horse)... well, Jazz would just need her own thread to explain... she is awesome.