Questions about DID

Hello,
I usually post on the BiPolar forums but wanted to get some feedback here too regarding some of my symptoms. I have psychosis during my depressive episodes, one aspect of this is a "voice" that I can hear in my head - it has no form and "sounds" distinctly foreign, but I can ask it questions and get quick responses. Another thing that happens a lot is that if I ask a question in my head using my own "internal" voice, I usually get a response back in the form/voice of someone I may know or have seen, but the responses feel independent of anything I would come up with and are sometimes quite destructive.

I recently started keeping a journal and decided to try asking the "voice" questions by writing them on the page and then writing down the first thing that comes to mind as an answer. The result was a fairly long letter addressed to me. The "voice" gave its self a name, described what it thought of me, and what it wanted to do.

I've recently had several depressive episodes and have had to stop taking some anti-psychotics due to the side effects a few months back (I was experiencing what my Psychiatrist described as dissociation). I recall first talking with the voice when I was a teenager and started having my first really severe mood swings, though when I asked the voice where it came from, it said it has always been here.

Additionally, there have been a few times where I've "caught" myself talking to my reflection in the mirror.

I'm really not sure what this is or what it would be considered. Is this some delusion/hallucination or something else entirely. When I described this on the BP forums, they suggested that it sounded like DID, so I wanted to get your feedback on it as well.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

AAAHHHHH!!!!! The Voices.......Im bipolar too. And the question has come up about DID. Id written down what goes on in my head and my T has said it is coconciousness, but not DID. So Ive got all these voices going on in there when i am cycling, talking crazy crap at me, with me, but it isnt true alternate personalities.

But basically, I had good guys that I could chat with, when overwhelmed, I could assign thinking tasks to others, when I journaled I had full blown conversations, asking questions and getting answers, and then I had those voices that were out to destroy me chanting "die bi*ch,die". It was a mad house in there. Started taking haldol shut those suckers right up. That was such a blessing.

How does co-consciousness work? Everything I find about it online suggests its a situation where two or more alters are aware of with the other(s) is/are doing so there are no bloackout periods. Do yours have names/motivations/desires of their own?

Mine are definitely NOT friendly towards me.

well its kinda hard to explain. they had been there forever but they were so much a part of me i had never thought to tell anybody about them. i was so frustrated one day that nobody understood just how crazy and out of control i felt that i wrote down exactly what went on in my mind. you are right in defining them as being aware of the others and no blackout. as i said, the T's ive worked with said not DID. But I think they are there similar to DID, just not fully manifested, developed as a way to cope through difficult times.

Do yours have names/motivations/desires of their own?

Yes, many of my voices have names. I have grandfather who i go to for wisdom, love and support. we often just sat together and laughed. there was Elthia who was loving and nurturing. she would come out in my writings. there were the twins, they mostly just watched. there was faye, a scared 4 year old who always wanted me to nurture her, and lucia a very angry 6 year old that wanted me to be hurt. then there were the bad ones. i didnt give them names. they were constantly telling me how much i needed to die, how worthless i was, chanting it over and over.

so yes, i would say they did have theyre own motivations and desires. they were playing out all the feelings i could not cope with. as i said, my writings are filled with what these voices would say to me. writing allowed them to opportunity to come out. but so if the voices are strong enough to overwhelm you, you may act on the feelings that they are causing you, and that is where they would have power in your life.

I have one aspect where when I have an internal monologue, I get respones from people I know that are usually very disparaging (like getting an image of my TDoc saying I should shoot myself).

The voice is very different and very unique. It calls its self "Dreadnaught" and basically ranted for several pages on how it always has to clean up my messes after depressive episodes and its the one holding everything together. It makes sense that this could be a halucination that my mind has created to deal with all the thoughts and emotions that I can't cope with, I guess I just never expected it to actually name its self, start describing who it liked and didn't like, what it wanted to do, etc.

I have found while writing in the journal that whenever "it" speaks, the writing style does change, but I don't know if thats me doing it sub-consciously or if its an aspect of "it".

That makes sense. My writing style changed drastically too.

Have you told all this to T?

we cant diagnose each others problems so only you and your treatment providers can answer this. but in my opinion, by rereading your post I see you have actually answered your own question with this statement -

I have bipolar also and I also have dissociative disorders. I have found that one way to distinguish between the voices of each respective disorder is that the medication (risperdal and abilify) I am on for bipolar disorder removes the voices with this disorder. Medication does not do this with those voices that are part of my dissociative disorders. I too can ask those voices from my bipolar questions and receive answers. my psychaitrist told me thats because of how my brain works. somewhere in the brain a person usually already knows those answers both the pros and the cons. So when I am hallucinating and being delusional asking those voices my questions my brain still just like when normal people ask their self questions can think about the pros and the cons my brain does so too and because the chemicals in my brain are not stable I perceive the answers the pro side or the con side and sometimes even persecory or made up answers, as coming from the voices.

your treatment provider can better explain how your brain works and how your psychotic episodes work, and how and why you can get answers from your voices at these times.

now that Im an integrated person without separate alters I still sometimes talk in different tones of voices resembling different times in my life including child, teen and adult like voices. My therapist and psychiatrist told me thats completely normal. that even normal people do this. people talk angry when they are mad, talk happy sounding when they are happy, and talk like they did at different times in their childhood when they are exposed to something that makes them feel like that. People dont have to have a dissociative or other mental disorder to sound different than their normal self.

So I dont worry anymore about how sometimes when I answer the phone I sound like a child or teen and the person on the other end of the phone says "can you go get your mommy for me dear?" and other times when I dont sound like my normal self.

talk with your treatment providers they can help you discover how and why you are sounding like you did when you were different ages than you are now.