[Claritytoo]

I forgot to take my medication until now and I am starting to freakout. I have been home all day and I can hear everything. my head hurts and i am freaking out. I am waiting for my medication to kick in. There is so much conversation in my head. It is all different topics with no resolve. It's exhausting. Nothing ever gets answered. Who has time. There is so much. So much. I want everything to slow down. I haven't been thinking today and now I am spinning in my head. I heard that who was that. just talk. Does it sound like echos at first when you hear someone in your head.

[RapidFlyer]

(((((((((((((Claritytoo))))))))))))

Hang in there. It will get better as you say you did take your medication. And for me I hear lots of echos when people talked in my head. That was my personal experience and it nearly drove me mad at the time.

There is hope though. With the help of my Therapist I was able to sort those sounds out and learn slowly to not panic but to listen with calm and gentleness and love and begin to feel safe. it took time and patience but it was worth every minute.

Hang in there for now and stay safe.

[LeafLace]

It sounds like echoes in my head, too, gets loud when everyone tries to talk at the same time but unless someone or everyone is really trying to tell me something, each voice itself is usually soft. I hope you feel better with your medicine. I know how exhausting it is when that happens, when it gets really bad, it's impossible to get any peace or get anything done.

[Claritytoo]

Thanks for the help RapidFlyer and LeafLace, I don't usually hear a voice from the otheres. I usually just have thoughts but over the last few weeks I hear soft echo type words that stop the minute I become consciously aware of them. I don't like admitting this. It scares me. But it is the truth.

[LeafLace]

That's how it is sometimes for me. I want to know what they're saying but they stop like they know I'm listening. As much as I wish none of us had to deal with this, it's a relief to know we're not the only ones.

[Claritytoo]

This session I made sure I took my medication. I didn't want to go yesterday. I was feeling unsafe. As my t and I were talking I started to mention about someone named Nomra but after I got home I was reminded it is Nora. I had a dream that Nora was the gate keeper and had the last say on who comes in and out. It was a dream. But I remembered it when I woke. I started to tell this to my t and the more we talked the more frantic my mind became. At one point I saw myself(looking different but it was me) jumping up in session and yelling about not discussing Nora or anything else. There were others who did not want me to talk about her either. The me was waring a different colared mask and throwing my arms up and yelling for me to stop talking. I saw like a flash of an image. I still know what the mask looked like. I didn't jump up in session. Almost, but I didn't. I think I just would have ranted on about not wanting to talk about Nora but I am some what sure it would have unerved my t. After I was repremanded (by one of the others but I don't know who). I tried to explain that it is part of understanding us, but that went unheard. I was numb after and I feel a little numb now. I have had some self distructive thoughts before bed but nothing I would actually do. Those scare me. There just seems to be more of me than I thought. I just want us all to share our life so no one person carries the burden of negitive memories. I can't sleep right now and have a lot on my mind. It is nice to be able to come here and let it out.

[LeafLace]

I hope you are feeling safer and more calm now, Claritytoo. Sounds like you're doing great work, getting to know your system. It's understandable that the alters would be upset but knowing your gatekeeper is a big deal. I can relate to that feeling of numbness after a session. Sometimes it lasts for days. I admire your control, too. Not everyone can hold it together for the sake of their t, especially when something unexpected like that happens while in session. It's commendable that you made that effort and succeeded. From this and your other posts, you come across as a very strong person and while you're getting to know more of yourself, you seem to have a solid sense of who you are and that means so much. Even though getting there is exhausting and painful and confusing, I'm happy for you that you are doing the work and it's comforting and inspiring to know that none of us who are dealing with these things are alone, even though the rest of the world often makes it seem that way.
((((((safety hugs))))))

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by LeafLace

I hope you are feeling safer and more calm now, Claritytoo. Sounds like you're doing great work, getting to know your system. It's understandable that the alters would be upset but knowing your gatekeeper is a big deal. I can relate to that feeling of numbness after a session. Sometimes it lasts for days. I admire your control, too. Not everyone can hold it together for the sake of their t, especially when something unexpected like that happens while in session. It's commendable that you made that effort and succeeded. From this and your other posts, you come across as a very strong person and while you're getting to know more of yourself, you seem to have a solid sense of who you are and that means so much. Even though getting there is exhausting and painful and confusing, I'm happy for you that you are doing the work and it's comforting and inspiring to know that none of us who are dealing with these things are alone, even though the rest of the world often makes it seem that way.
((((((safety hugs))))))

Thanks for the hugs and the nice words. It is good to know I can come here and be understood.

[LeafLace]

Anytime, Claritytoo! I feel the same way. It is good to have a place to go.