I just had a visit from the mental health team social worker. I really struggled not to dissociate. She said I was doing negative filtering, but it felt like she was saying that there were things I should do to help me recover from the depression. I felt overwhelmed, criticised, and found myself rocking in the chair, staring into space. Tryingto shut out what I peerceived as criticism ("You're not doing this already" "If you want to get better..." leading to "Do you really want to get better?")
Now I feel drained and I'm about to go out for my psychology appointment. I need some rapid grounding techniques. Hot drink is the first one, I think, and some of myself's ideas for being aware of my surroundings.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Hi Caroline!

Depression is tough. I fight with it
I hope your appointment with your psychologist sheds some light on things for you. I've got your back

Anne

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((caroline)))))))))))))

good work and good luck!

KD

Thank you, iamanne

It was another very draining session - much more so than the last. I have a 90 minute interview going over all sorts of things - a really comprehensiev set of questions. Feeling very very drained and very much wanting to be little.

The thing that has rocked me is realising how depressed I still am. I mean, I'm not normally this vulnerable. But there I was, crying at answering some questions.



I have another appointment next week. At least I don't have to wait too long. Now I'm worrying aobut the logistics of it, however - getting back from work (a 30 minute journey to home then another 15 minutes) in time. Going to ahve to ask to leave early, and then have to sort out about the children too (they go to school where I work). Needs some thought, and now may not be the best time for thought.

Thank you KD.

The house is empty and I just need that space after the session. I feel so so tired.

aware of surroundings ideas - got lots of them -

pick an object in the room a chair you are sitting on, the table in front of you, your clothing. My favorite is my sneakers. and then you focus on relly seeing it. notice the texture, color, warmth or coldness, hard or soft. Touch that object.. Shift your position. write in a otebook by keeping notes, at the same time notice the texture and color of the pen.

Its natural for someone to change positions while talking to someone. My favorite is I start out sitting in a char with one leg up then when I need to change positions I put that leg down then when I need to change positions again I put the leg back up. When my leg is up so that my foot is resting on my other leg I can trace the different designs on my sneaker. people do this kind of thing all the time so it isn't mistaken for anything abnormal. I take notebook and pen with me that way I can stay aware by taking notes and sometimes trace the holes and binding spiral with my fingers,

I also focus on the person that is talking, notice their tone of voice facial expressions, sometimes theres a small twitch going on. their hair, jewelry and so on.

Thanks, myself

The psychologist today (I told him about the dissociating) suggested holding something - eg a small pebble - so that I can notice how it feels etc and ground myself with it. He also said we can look at more grounding techniques another time.

Thanks for the suggestions.

your welcome, one of my therapists gave me a small bead pillow (kind of like a hand held bean bag only it had scented beads inside) holding things works great.

Thanks. Sounds good - interesting textures too.