Filters

I feel bad about having so many filters, I feel ashamed when something somebody says, or the tone they say it in causes this little broken part to want to hide, I have to hide allot, its tiring, but I still would not want someone to feel that kind of hurt from me, so I guess I just get confused, is it again just me be overly sensitive due to the children's filters put in place where I had to adapt to the harshness of indifference and pain in childhood, so I have extra sensitive feelers in place like radar.

I understand that. I don't have many, but the few that I do have, I must heed for sure.

Over time, there has come an understanding here and not everything can be viewed or seen by all of me, all of the time. That's one reason that I don't trigger easily. I guess that's not a good thing in the long run, but it sure helps for the day! Whew. Without going into it, the way things are here, comes with a cost.

I know that the goal is for all of me to be able to view "today" and know yesterday. However, I don't think I could ever make it safe enough for that. I'm still working on it, though.

Good post, with a good point. I wish you well on your journey with this issue. It's a continual work for me to simply get to the point where you are with alot of me viewing "today".

KD

Having "filter" is ok. some people think I go tooo far with my filters because in real life anyone that I know is going to be in my life either business wise or personal I do my own background checks on them including watching them in action when they don't realize I am watching or listening to them. On line I am very picky some days on what websites I go to and what I read. I take my time and read only what what can each day and pass by those I know will bother me that day..

Thanks KD, I feel lost with this so much of the time, as we have been only working with the Alters in Therapy since last year, but it has been the most intense and progressive and painful healing that I have ever experienced in my life, full of firsts, it is so draining. I have a very analytical facade it helps me to have a career, but underneath are undercurrents which pull me under into a world of feelings and reactions, because of my work and career,and stigma, I feel so isolated, and afraid. So thanks for the reaffirmation KD.

Myself ..... ....our respects to all you offer Survivors...

Thank you.

<font color="purple"> We understand about filters. There are some words that are bother us as well, plus other things. It so hard to not trigger from it. Working with T is going to be a biggy on this one. The good thing about people with DID as well as other survivors, they understand it a whole lot more easier. It's not an easy task, but something we are hoping to get over. If there is a word or words or something we say that upsets you, please don't hesitate to let us know either on here or by pm. We understand it and the fears can overwhelm all us. Your not alone in this. </font>

Evangelista,
I soooo understand. I too am just learning to work with "everyone" and don't understand or accept a lot of it yet. I'm in major denial of my past. Filters have their place. My T says to let them be when I'm overwhelmed, let it wash over me gently. We work on them step by step. Each one will be looked at, addressed, and dealt with when the time comes. It has allowed me not to feel bad. I gave myself permission not to feel bad. It is a difficult journey, but as I have discovered, there is soooo much support here. Hang in there and be patient with yourself.
Anne

Thank you..just letting it evolve..just is so hard isn't it, when your used to trying to keep it under control, I fight this so much in my therapy, its a tug of war, but I am starting to win a few battles..smile..just confuses the heck out of myself at times, it feels lke I am reading someone elses journal or photo album thru parts of this, trying to except the process, but with support I that is we, that hopes to be me one day, trudges onward thru the muck and mire. Please forgive my sense of wording at times I am just not all here, and it can get iffy.or wierd..