[Twisted_Soul]

Maybe I just sound strange in asking this question.
But let me explain: I have a difficult time staying connecting to the present. I have a difficult time believing anyone cares about me. I am so hurt and damaged inside.
So, I bought this mechanical pencil because my T always uses one when she rights in her planner or writes out a journaling assignment for me. And, I bought her the same one because she was needing a new one.
Long story short, I used the pencil for the past 2 weeks and it helped me stay connected and reminded me my T is there for me and is helping me.

I am very overly upset because today my pencil broke. I think I put too much lead in it so I guess it is my fault. But, it meant something to me and it helped me.

And I am sad.

But, I was wondering if anyone does anything like this???

Yes. A friend gave me a bead filled small bag. It's an "eye pillow" which is a scented bead bag you get in the bathing, relaxation isles and stores. It is with me at all times, even when I am out of the house I carry it in my back pack. I can be anywhere and start feeling that tunnel area feelings of floating and I open my back pack just enough to reach in (or take it out) and rub my hand along feeling the beads inside, or squeeze it so that the beads move around in my hand. It also reminds me that no matter where I am or what I am doing I am never alone. This friend gave me the bead pillow at a special time when we could not be in touch for a stretch of time to remind me that no matter how hard things got during the time we couldn't have contact to just take time to relax and know that I was never truely alone. Just by touching that bead pillow I remember all the work my friend and I did together when she was my therapist.

[pegasus]

Twisted Soul,

I get "stuck" in the past too.
I like your pencil idea.
I use a clicky pen sometimes. I have dozens of them scattered around the house just in case.

Thinking of you.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

It's a great idea. My T has given me things that keep me grounded during those really difficult times. Other times, I have things for different alters. I think everyone has something in different ways - even if they aren't diagnosed with a mental health issue. It's just grounding in different ways. We're just more fortunate because we're aware of our needs and know what to do to help ourself or have a professional to ask where other people have to stumble through by trial and error.

[CedarS]

I have a smooth black rock I picked up on a beach years ago. It is almost always in my pocket. When I am going through an extra rough time, I have it in my hand for comfort and grounding.

I lost a rock I used years ago, then picked out a new one. I had asked a therapist about all this and his reply was to do what works for me. I think that is great advice.

You can get a new pencil, have fun even looking over all the various options at a store. You could decide that the new pencil represents something new unfolding, success and healthy evolution.

[hillbunnyb]

Not to mention petting bunnies...... also I have comforting memory trigger stuff everywhere so I can just look around and have positive stuff happen inside myself....

[kimmydawn]

I think you need to get a new pencil and keep it close as long as you need to.

How wonderful you've found a way to stay connected with her when you're not there.

KD

[Twisted_Soul]

I was amazed I finally took a step in the right direction on my process of feeling better.

I actually told my T yesterday what happened. That is how upset I was. And you know what she said, she said she was going to buy me a special mechanical pencil. How sweet!!

[bipolar_bear]

That's great. Talk about being connected to her while you are not there. I hope your new pencil is even better than the last. This one is especially for you from your t.

[Twisted_Soul]

I am really feeling lost w/o my mechanical pencil.
I know it sounds like I am being a baby.
But my god, it helped me feel like I had a reason to work through each day. I felt important. I felt loved.

[bipolar_bear]

When are you getting your new one from your T? I hope soon. Maybe you could call and go pick it up before your next appt?

[CedarS]

Doesn't sound like you are being a baby at all.

Just think, plenty of "normies" out there who don't think they are dealing with mental health challenges at all do and carry all sorts of things to feel better. Lucky dice, a wedding ring, pocket watch from the grand-dad, favorite cell phone with the carefully picked ringtone, a notebook of daily reminders, a bible.......so many people of all sorts have favorite things that help them through the day.