[ImMentallyILL]

I'm very confused at the moment I'm trying to figure out if I have dissociative identity disorder or not. I already have dissociation, anxiety and depression but I just realize that I feel like there's two people inside of me that take control of me.

It's kind of hard to explain but I'll try and some of you who have this can help me decide if I have this.

The first person is miserable and very depressed. This side of me will do anything to destroy any hope I have or any help I'm receiving. When I feel like this I really hate myself and convince myself that this how I need to be. My number goal when I'm feeling like this is to end my life.

I become this hateful person and hurt the people that are trying to help me. Just recently I did everything possible to end the treatment I'm receiving. I made the clinic that's helping me my enemies and told myself that there not trying to help me and manage to lose my psychiatrist that I really care about.

The second person is happy and very positive about the future. When I feel like this I really hate the other side of me (first person). I will do anything possible to destroy the first person that I have inside of me. When the first person messes up and ruins everything for me I feel like I wake up and have to repair everything the first person mess up for me. I have to tell my psychiatrist that I feel horrible for what I've done and try to tell her that I feel like it wasn't me but I feel like she won't believe me and she's deciding if she wants to continue with me or not.

The first person ruined my relationship with my psychiatrist and I won't forgive myself for doing this and losing her. The only reason I would consider hurting myself is to destroy the first person who destroys everything for me and finally win, but suicide is NOT the answer.

Do I have dissociative identity disorder or is it just depression?

Thanks in advance !

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ImMentallyILL

I'm very confused at the moment I'm trying to figure out if I have dissociative identity disorder or not. I already have dissociation, anxiety and depression but I just realize that I feel like there's two people inside of me that take control of me.

It's kind of hard to explain but I'll try and some of you who have this can help me decide if I have this.

The first person is miserable and very depressed. This side of me will do anything to destroy any hope I have or any help I'm receiving. When I feel like this I really hate myself and convince myself that this how I need to be. My number goal when I'm feeling like this is to end my life.

I become this hateful person and hurt the people that are trying to help me. Just recently I did everything possible to end the treatment I'm receiving. I made the clinic that's helping me my enemies and told myself that there not trying to help me and manage to lose my psychiatrist that I really care about.

The second person is happy and very positive about the future. When I feel like this I really hate the other side of me (first person). I will do anything possible to destroy the first person that I have inside of me. When the first person messes up and ruins everything for me I feel like I wake up and have to repair everything the first person mess up for me. I have to tell my psychiatrist that I feel horrible for what I've done and try to tell her that I feel like it wasn't me but I feel like she won't believe me and she's deciding if she wants to continue with me or not.

The first person ruined my relationship with my psychiatrist and I won't forgive myself for doing this and losing her. The only reason I would consider hurting myself is to destroy the first person who destroys everything for me and finally win, but suicide is NOT the answer.

Do I have dissociative identity disorder or is it just depression?

Thanks in advance !

sorry but us telling you whether you have Dissociative Identity Disorder or just depression is called making a diagnosis. we can not do that here.

it is you that must tell us if you have DID or if you have just depression.

you can contact a mental health provider in your town city or one nearest to your town or city and they can do diagnostic tests that will tell you whether you have Dissociative Identiy Disorder or depression or any other mental disorder.

what we can tell you is things like -

whether we have the same issues you have.
what our own treatment providers called these issues in us.
information on dissociative identity disorder
information on depression.

from my own mental disorders I can tell you I have had the same issues. in me these issues were called many things - bipolar disorder, hallucinations, delusions, psychosis, dissociation, dissociative Identity Disorder, chronic depression, PTSD and many other mental and physical health issues.

from my knowledge of the two disorders - depression, Dissociative identity disorder and many other mental disorders do share, mimic, include these symptoms for some people.

many physical health problems can also cause these same symptoms you have.

again we cant tell you what your problems are, we cant make diagnosis here. it is you that must tell us if you have mental disorders.

suggestion contact your treatment providers or a mental health treatment provider near your city or town. they are the people that can tell you whats going on.

I think that DID is very hard to diagnose and yes, most certainly needs to be done by a professional........over time. People without DID also have many different parts of their being. DID is complex and complicated and will vary within individuals. Good luck with seeking some professional advice.

[mala]

I think if you are aware of the other personalitys then it isnt dissociative, as I think - -not sure that dissociates are totally unaware of the other personalitys and know about them when other people tell them about them. I think its really important to see a trained professional ie a psych and a med, although there is support on the board, the expertise of a psych or med is reliable and they are there to help although it doesnt always feel like that.
mala

To the original poster. We can't diagnose you. Because we all have different experiences. It's a complicated illness to diagnose and takes a lot of background information. Sometimes people get ego states confused with actual personalities. And sometimes splitting in borderline looks like splitting in DID and it's not. Sometimes DID looks like schizophrenia. Or schizophrenia looks like DID. So I mean a lot of illnesses mock it and there would be just no way to tell from a paragraph you wrote.

Originally Posted by mala

I think if you are aware of the other personalitys then it isnt dissociative, as I think - -not sure that dissociates are totally unaware of the other personalitys and know about them when other people tell them about them. I think its really important to see a trained professional ie a psych and a med, although there is support on the board, the expertise of a psych or med is reliable and they are there to help although it doesnt always feel like that.
mala

That's not true. I started noticing my first alter like five years ago, before I started getting therapy. I journal a ton, a huge amount. And that's one of the reasons I'm so familiar with my system. It took me 5 years to put all of them together and I think that I still don't have all of them. I started noticing dissociation about a year prior to figuring out about the alter. Of course I didn't know it was an alter at first. At first I blamed it on being just "internal voices" who took over my body at times. I didn't know it was abnormal.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by mala

I think if you are aware of the other personalitys then it isnt dissociative, as I think - -not sure that dissociates are totally unaware of the other personalitys and know about them when other people tell them about them. I think its really important to see a trained professional ie a psych and a med, although there is support on the board, the expertise of a psych or med is reliable and they are there to help although it doesnt always feel like that.
mala

Mala - are you thinking of the terms "forgetfulness" which is a diagnostic used in part with other diagnostics for diagnosing DID) and "co consciousness" which is how aware a person is of their alters?

A person can be aware (co conscious) of their alters and still have DID. in general people with DID have all kinds of co consciousness with their alters... some can only hear the voices, others can remain partially aware so that its like sitting in a back seat of a car watching what is going on but not having any control over the unfolding events. I know many people with DID that are not integrated and live pretty close to full awareness of their alters and their lives by using the tools they learn in therapy like grounding....

A person cant be diagnosed DID if they dont fit the "forgetfulness" criteria for DID in the DSM IV TR. if Im remembering right the new diagnostics will also have a diagnostic criteria about "forgetfulness" also.