my bedroom looks like when I was little, I cant explain why or how it just reminds me of it alot and it normally doesnt and Its freaking me out alot and makign me really scared...

It reminds me of the bedroom I was in when I was little that mommy smashed my china clown bank against a wall in front of us when we were three.. It reminds me of bad things happened to the baby when daddy would rock us to sleep...

Daddy mean to us abd punch us sometimes mommy too..
we tell the nice lady from the childerns aids place and th4ey send us bac to the mean man..

we tell a judge and he lets daddy go even though daddy ruiuned us and made us bad and dirty bad and dirty bad and dirty bad and dirty...

Never going to get clean always going to be dirty always dirty chhubby and ugly for ever ever evr.



No sleep no sleep no sleep so tired Mandy has to work tomrrow and we can't sleep but we are all coming in and out so fast she cant help it but they will say bad mandie because of not going to work and then we all bad bad bad bad bad noone understands how hard we try things aqre big aand scary and we are just little just want to hide under shell now now now now

[heartspace]

You're not dirty or ugly. I'm so, so sorry you went through all of that horrible stuff.

(((heartspace))))

Tak you heartspace frum baby

[Fuzzybear]

sorry

((Fizzy)))

[LILITH]

I am so sorry you are scared....
{{{{rainbowzz}}}}

Sometimes I walk into a room and it is arranged differently ( When rerunning memory pieces sometimes my rooms get rearranged)

For the most part I don't remember how the rooms were arranged in the home I grew up in but the one thing that makes me uncomfortabvle is when my bed gets changed around to a certain way that Im pretty sure is the same way my bed was at one point as a child since it matches the way my bed is in a nightmare that I have.

I used to panic and refuse to go in my room to sleep but then I got tired of sleeping on the couch and decided you know this is stupid sleeping on the couch because my bed is the wrong way all I need to do it meve it so that it is no longer looking like that.

So now every time my bedroom gets rearranged I take a deep breath and change the bed to another spot in the room.

No matter how the furniture gets rearranged I don't panic anymore I just look arround and notice NOT the simularities but the differences.

The things I had as a child are long gone and not being made anymore for example a poster that was on my bedroom wall is no longer available because that rock band and the singer are long gone. The stick and yarn "god's eye" from the 1960-70 hippie era is no longer being made. In fact one time I went to a county fair here that is known for the hippie era and asked if they had any "God's Eyes" and they looked at me like what the H.... are you talking about. The toys that used to be decorating my bedroom dresser are no longer being made - sunshine family, Nancy Drew, Hardy boys dolls instead of the Barbie collection of today, Clip on earrings instead of todays pierced earrings, mood rings, Scarecrows and roses instead of todays lustrium, and starburst rings, in the past homemade candels stuck in the mouth of a wine bottle today beautiful decrative candles in decrative jars. even the type of dresser that is being built today is different then those that were build when I was a kid. a store bought table lamp decorates my room today when as a child there was a farmers milk can converted into a lamp. Today my bed is a full sized box springs and air mattress where as, as a child I had a single home made by a relative bunkbed. The clothing that used to hang on a clothes line in the bedroom when I was a child is no longer being made today, I now have a closet for hanging clothes instead of a clothing wire attached to two nails in a corner. The type of blankets that I had as a child are no longer being made, instead of woolen blankets todays market carries cotton and polyester comforters and sheet sets to match. Even my favorite singer pictures on my wall is changed for the singer is older, wearing a different hair style and the pictures are autographed from attending the persons concert. as a child the singer poster was not a personal autograph and I got inside a record album which of course can't happen today because 45 LP (Long Play) and 78LP vinyl records and 8 track cassettes have long gone with the coming of 8mm cassettes, micro cassettes, CD's and MP3's.

Once I started focusing not on the simularity of the position of the bed but onto the differences between then and now I no longer experience panic over room arrangements. Now room arrangement changes in my bedroom I consider to be just a minor inconvenience in my life compared to other problems that I have associated with my DID.

Try looking at the differences instead of simularities. it works wonders.

[pegasus]

Good post myself!

You can also arrange your room so it really feels "here-and now" but also keep the comforting things for the child.

Hugs

Thank you pegasus and yes you can have some things in the room for when you feel like a child I have a doll, some stuffed animals and a small soft blanket in my room.

[(JD)]

You aren't ugly or dirty. No one else can make you ugly or dirty, they can only make themselves ugly or dirty, imo. You haven't don't that.

Have you thought about getting a box to put stuff into, out of site, for when you are in the room and don't want to look at everything? Maybe, in the box can be things you do like more, that you take out to make room for the stuff you don't like?

Someone else can do the same thing, if they don't like your stuff as much

thank you everyone.

I dont think it was just that that triggered me off.

I think it was a few things...
on any hand, the room now seems okish but I have been hiding in it all day. I even go downstairs to the kitchen and my heart pounds

Damned anxiety

[heartspace]

We all need to hide sometimes. Sending you safe and gentle hugs. {{{Rainbowzz}}}. Hopefully your anxiety will ease soon.

[lil_tomato_head]

{{{{{Rainbowzz}}}}} ur not any of those things hun i think ur hot and amazing i wish i could hug u right now beware next time i see u :P

[SongBirdandDaisy]

((((((((((((((((rainbowzz))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I wish I could make it all better. Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. It's okay that you are having a hard time, that happens sometimes. Know that it will get better. Hang in there.

Safe Hugs, Anne and Annabubbles

((((everyone)))))

you guys make it not seem so bad.
yanno?

[January]

(((((((((((((((((( Rainbowzz ))))))))))))))))

I'm glad you're feeling a little better. You are a good person. I like Sky's idea about having a box of special things. Maybe you can make one while you feel better and it will ground you if things start upsetting you again.

We are here for you,

Hugs,

Jan

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((Rainbowzz))))))))))))) I wish you could see how beautiful you really are. Hopefully soon.