What was it like when you first started to become co-conscious?

Does anyone remember what it was like when you first started to become coconscious and started coming to the realization that "others" existed?

Did someone tell you first or did you pick up on it first?

People told me before I was co-conscious, but I was so obsessed with covering it up, that it was never even looked at.

I keep a really in depth journal and other writings. I first started noticing in 2007. But it didn't hit me till 2010ish, 11ish. I wrote this thing that I thought was odd. in 2009. I don't remember writing it, because if I did I would have pointed at it and been like "of course!" There are many others that I'm just like "you were such an idiot, how did you not pick up on this".

Titled "Weird things are happening".
Today I had fallen asleep and I vaguely remember dreaming of writing an email to somebody. But I thought it was just a dream. But when I checked my email I had a response with an address I had apparently asked for, for some place that I didn't know anybody who went to. (it was for an inpatient place that nobody I know even is in).

I think that's how it started with me. I started to become co-conscious by things mingling with my dreams. In fact my dreams were so powerful and I was doing stuff "in my sleep" (by way of alters), that I got a narcolepsy diagnosis. Along with other reasoning.

I refused to take ambien because one night on Ambien I overdosed and I claimed to "do it in my sleep". That the ambien caused it. That I had no conscious awareness of it, that I didn't do it. And I didn't. And they let me go that night from the ER, because I convinced them I was okay. But something burned inside me every time I would say "I didn't do it". And I wasn't really sure what it was.

What about anyone else? Do you remember how it happened that you learned of your system?

always was (or atl east for as long as i can recall)..always knew there were other people..i can recall watching myself doing stuff & watching other peeps of me doing stuff (if that makes sense)..i just figured that everyone was like this.

to me this is /was normal.

i was the one who told my first t who said "oh yeah i knew" ..yeah right my butt.

when did I develop co consciousness - I was always aware of hearing voices and conversations in my head. I knew there were others inside just didnt know the name of it. I was never able to converse back with most of my alters. but I was aware they were there. I just thought everyone heard voices and had people talking in their heads. After I was diagnosed DID I found out hearing voices was the most common degree of co consciousness. I also found out some of my other symptoms were part of the limited co consciousness that I had like being able to be like a back seat passenger while one of my alters was in control. I had always known I did that just didnt know that was called co consciousness with an alter. my therapist and I tried to expand upon what limited co consciousness I had but we were rarely successful. my alters just happened to be so categorical there was no way to communicate, change or retake control of them. after a while we gave up on trying to expand my limited co consciousness symptoms that got me diagnosed with DID, instead we worked on my symptoms I had. As I healed my alters integrated with me. After that I knew and could do everything they knew and did before integration.

how did I learn about my system of alters... after I was diagnosed with DID getting the diagnosis opened my eyes to things like noticing the drawings I had done without knowing I had done them..noticing the vast wardrobes from snoopy PJ's to the sleek and sexy bar hopping attire, noticing the types of toys, books, foods that were in the place, photographs, home movies, ... the vast types of friends I had...all those things told me what my alters were like.

The first time I became fully coconscious with an alter was in a therapy session. One of my strongest kid parts was suddenly there 'with me' and she had several child alts behind her. I had the strongest sense of "OMG, I KNOW you!" but without ever having 'known' her before, IYKWIM. So much suddenly slotted into place and many, many things that had confused me made sense - it was HER who was responsible for x,y,z,a,b and c! From that moment on I was fully coconscious with her and I love her to bits.
Before that I didn't really have any meaningful awareness of the others. After her everyone else joined the party.

It was scary for me. I was completely ignorant to anything beforehand. Even if I heard voices or did strange things I ignored it and tried to be "normal"..but the first real co-con..happened in therapy the first time. I sense that it possibly happened before therapy but it was so fluid and I was not thinking about it that I didnt care to give it any significance/

During therapy, suddenly I couldnt be myself and I felt like I had taken "backseat" like some of you have described, and I watched myself talk and move in ways that I couldnt control and I became extremely tired.

I am still not co-con with many. But I started becoming co-con with therapy even BEFORE the diagnoses or the mention of alters. Its like they just started coming out more and more. Honestly its a bit scary and sometimes reassuring. Its a mixture.


Puzzle_ Puzzle_

I'm not exactly sure about this question. I became aware of "the conversations" and that I couldn't stop them when I was 12, which is the age that I really woke up and became aware. They've been here ever since, sometimes quieter, sometimes louder, but always here. I didn't know what they were. I just thought something was wrong with me and I couldn't tell anyone.

I'm not really sure when I became co-conscious because as far as I can remember I've always been able to hear my alters converse in my head. It was normal for me and I didn't realize there was anything unusual about it until I started seeing those "Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a cue-tip" t-shirts. At which point I had to buy one because I had 2 alters that never stopped arguing with each other. (Yes, I have a horrible sense of humor.)

One of the first times I remember watching an alter in control was when Amber attacked one of my friends. It was really frightening and caused a huge riot in my head.

I've always had conversations with different parts of myself and heard voices that don't seem to be connected to anything else. One just said 'Shut up' almost nonstop for years and then one day it just wasn't there anymore. I never told anyone about it because it scared me and I just tried not to think about it. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2010 that I started to understand and pay more attention to my feelings and behavior and about a year ago started to put it all together. Looking at it all now, it should've been obvious but what can you do?

One of the 1st times was during an intense therapy session in a trauma/DID hospital. It was BIZARRE-- I was there, but me & M were BOTH looking out my eyes at the same time, so we were looking at the therapist but with 2 different points of view and... I don't even know how to explain. It was so strange. And I had a huge headache for a little while, until M went away. Very weird. And we were both aware of what the other was saying & doing for the 1st time.... just strange.

thanks you guys, those were interesting to read and I related a good bit to them.

that sounds similar to what my T and i are currently working on...all of me becoming co-concsious...and to tell you the truth...i am really concerned...and very scared...i dont know what is happening most of the time...so i usually just pretend i do and pretend that everything is ok...when it is far from ok...i dont know how to deal with all these noises in my head...and this lack of what awareness i do have...i hope this makes a little bit of sense...well thank you for helping me feel a little less alone...
mellie