And I feel good about it.

That is the first time I have been able to call and spit the information out voicewise.

usually I am so scared I do not know what to do.

And while I am shaking now, I feel a bit better.

I have an appointment with a new Therapist on Tuesday of next week, and Still have the phone counsellors to help me and the e counselling I have been doing.

The phone counsellor says that the symptoms I am exhibiting lately, like the concentration thing and the forgetting things is a sign of depression, and she thinks if nothing else I may have a bit of that going on as well.

We talked about how I am scared to go to therapy and dreg everything up. She made a good point about me not having to WANT to go to therapy, But I can say I NEED to go to therapy. We talked about writing a letter to new therapist because I get so frightened when it comes to talking. We talk about shitdammit I lost my train of thought again.

Kids, excuse the cursing.

We talked about staying safe while in counselling, and she said that my taking time off work, even if they DO fire me, it is time ti get this stuff done.

she gave me alot of motivation. It helped so much.

I feel like I can do this, albeit while terrified.

But, feelng a little better.

hereforth starts the journey for the second time. the last time my therapist swept everything under the rug, this time I cant let that happen. That is why I am here now doing this again.

Over the next couple of weeks, I am going to be going on a roller coaster. I may get fired. I may have to go on disability. I may need to go to the hospital, but I dont feel that bad yet.

I may have to do alot of things that might seem strange, But ""linda" the counsellor I spoke with made a very good point.

I NEED to do this.

I keep repeating this because I fear.

I need to do this.
I CAN do this.
I WILL NOT chicken out this time, because there is nothing to fear but fear itself.

I am Mmaking this my I CAN DO THIS THREAD, or EVERYONE's I CAN DO THIS thread.

Post why YOU CAN DO THIS

!

Good for you, RAinbowzz. You have a lot of courage.

I CAN DO my therapy because I have to. I've lifted the lid on this stuff and now it is time to look at it and not bury it for another 20 years.
I CAN DO this because living like I have been doing is not way to live.
I CAN DO this because the 17 year old that I was did not deserve to be treated as she was and she desrves healing.

I am calling in sick today.

I have to.

I am so scattered

Feeling a little less confidant than before but still not bad.

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((Rainbowzz))))))))))) I know it's scary. Please take care of you.

[Fuzzybear]

safe bearhugs hon! ((((((((((((((Rainbowzz))))))))))))))

((((everyone)))))

I know Im doing the right thing but everything in my head tells me to turn around and run.

I keep coming back and rereading my first post in this thread. It helps.

[(JD)]

Yes! Yes! You did a good thing! And she gave you good information! YAY! ((((Rainbow))))you were so brave to do that! That is good self care That's the way to get there.... keep focus on that... you need to go you can go (nothing is going to happen there that will hurt you, T's are there to help us take care of ourselves)

[SongBirdandDaisy]

You bet she does Caroline. And guess what, so do you.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Rainbowzz,

Great self care! We're here with you!