Im not thinking of getting married lol

this just crossed my mind.

Can someone have a successful marriage if they have littles?

[Mahali]

Post deleted by January

how does it work with the, um.. you know.

intimate parts of marriage?

Or even within a relationship?

What would happen if someone popped out mid kiss or something?

[Mahali]

Post deleted by January

thanks place.

informative.

Im not in a getting married state, but I am in a relationship and want to approach it the right way.

I know of a few DID friends that are married and or in life long partnerships.

As one put it to me one time -" its heaven, hell and everything in between just like any other marriage the only difference is the two of you can be having a great time and suddenly instead of an adult enjoying time with an adult its a totally mystified adult watching an adult woman act out scenes of her past sexual experiences. Definately puts a damper on things when a husband heres his wife say "I love you daddy" or "I love you David"because she is acting out the memory of having to say that to her abusers.

Another told me that her significant other was her rock. If it wasn't for him she would not have had the strength to pull herself together. He married her knowing she had memory pieces that she would get triggered into and he was wonderful through it all. It wasn't easy but with both of them working for what was for the best not for one or the other but best for the both of them they made it through and landed on their feet.

Personally my ex'es couldnt handle the rapid switching that I go through. Heck my own therapist half the time is not sure what memory pieces she is talking to me in. She knows when and she calls it "you just went somewhere" but as for which one her quess is as good as mine.

me being in an intimate realtionship - well I know I will never get married and on the rare occasions when there is a significant other I just go with the flow and enjoy what time together we have and not worry about something like marrage.

Life is too short to worry about things that are not right here right now. If I worry about something like a possible long range marrage well time flys and then its gone. and then one day you are sitting wondering "if only I had done this" and "why didn't I do that". I think Its better just to live here and now taking things one step at a time and one day at a time and enjoy what time I do have. Maybe some day there will be that one that can put up with a partner who out of the blue is acting out pieces of memories that even she has no memory of. But Im not going to plot plan and worry about it. it happens it happens, it doesn't it doesn't, either way Im a winner because I am not letting the here and now pass on by without taking time to enjoy what it has to offer.

[z0ey]

married X 5 years

ummm it seems good

not sure how it all works though --lol would have to ask the wife--- think it gets rocky sometimes not sure if more/less than any other relationship -- really though not sure how it works but i guess after 5 years?? or maybe 6 -- crap not sure but anyways it just works .. i guess --lol--- ummm just happened to think to say she is ummm dissociative to -- dont think to the extent i do though ... maybe she will post lol

got me to thinking though lol

z

[Monty_girl]

Hey Rainbowzz,
I've been married for 12 years and we've been together for 16 years now. ( we are both 33, so been together for a long time) At first it was very hard because I wasn't dx'ed until 6 years ago. So we had some hard times. But now that I've been dx'ed and he's been to T sessions with me it's gotten easier. He's had to gain the trust of the littles. Think since he's been able to do that things run a lot smoother. He can see now when it's not me or "his girlfriend Rachel".

They do want a lot of his attention now because he is nice to them. So he tries to set aside time to play with them when we have time. Sometimes he'll buy them stuffies and take them to the toy store. We've had to learn to balance things and our time. The littles have learned when it's not a good time to be around and h knows that he needs to back away at times if a little is around. Think the S.O. really really need to be understanding and patient.

But over all I would say we have a very happy healthy marriage. It just takes so much extra work when you have DID. There are a hugh mixes of issues that have to be worked out.

Monty

[grimsbycat]

I will post here... Its completely possible to get married or whatever other long term commited rlationship you have. Zoey does dissociate to more of an extent than I do and I really would not ask her to change a thing. If she wantes to change something thats her deal and her decision and i will support her. I love zoey completely. So I guess if you love them and they love you and they arent asking you to change something you are not ready to or wanting to its all good.