[GypsyRosalie]

My head is so full all the time. It's like I don't have room to think. I don't have anyone to talk to other than my alters. It's not like it's anyone's fault. My husband can't relate in any way, so he sort of shuts down when I talk to him. My mom has issues, too, but not like mine. Plus, she refuses to believe that anything could ever be wrong with her perfect child. I've taken Zoloft and Celexa, but they were from a therapist that "didn't like to use diagnoses as a way of acknowledging or enabling something as simple as a mental weakness" which I hated her for. I wanted to know what was wrong with me, but it was like she refused to tell me because she didn't want me to quit attending therapy when I found out. I still don't know what she would actually have called it. My only actual diagnoses are "best guess" dx from a nurse, which I know isn't good enough. I'm so scared to actually go to a therapist. When I did before, every time I got there, Nina was the one dealing with her to protect me. And the T was crap because she didn't even know about Nina even though Nina was the only one she talked to. Nina and I function well together when she takes over, it's like I'm in the passenger seat watching her drive. There's others though too, but when any of them take over, it's like being kidnapped and blindfolded and thrown in the back of an abduction van that is going Goddess-knows-where.
If anyone has anything to say that might be helpful or help me identify the other alters, I would greatly appreciate it.
Cas

[Claritytoo]

My experience was very similar. A friend told me I might be dissociating. I did a lot of reading. I still wasn't able to admit that that was what was going on. I did look for a therapist who had a focus in DID. As the sessions went on it became more apparent to me that my "moods" (what I have always called them) were not common place and in fact were most likely alters. I had already been taking anxiety medication for panic attacks that began four years ago. I than began taking a low dose of zoloft. The thoughts/voices in my head slowed down. And once I began acknowledging the thoughts/voices as individual and separate from one another Things got less chaotic. Instead of a billion opposing thoughts at once I could understand them as a dialogue. This has enabled me to move slowly forward in therapy. I have not told anyone about my DID diagnosis and I am not sure I will. So if I did not have my therapist I would not be able to talk with anyone. And in order for me to work through my issues I need to talk with someone. Therapy was scarey for me at first but than I learned that therapy only moves as fast as I wanted it to. I hope some of this helps. And I hope you feel better. This is a good site. It also helped me in the beginning to see others having similar experiences. Take care

[GypsyRosalie]

Knowing others feel the same way as we do helps. I feel bad taking over sometimes because I know she feels out of control when I do. I don't want to hurt my host, just coexist.
But some of the others want out. The host's body's been cut. Not because they are trying to kill our host, but they want out!
I am glad I can work with the host. She even doesn't seem to mind much when I take over. I usually let her watch what's happening unless it's something I know she can't deal with.
But the others won't cuz they don't trust her. Our host says that they lie. She doesn't understand. They aren't lying, just telling their truth. But how could this ever make sense to anyone?
I want to talk to a T! I'm not scared. But when I make appointments, she doesn't keep them. Or something happens to trigger someone else.
They don't really talk to me either. How can I possibly get to know anyone? No one will tell us their names or anything. Any help is greatly appreciated.
Nina