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#1
May 02, 2012, 03:29 PM
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Hi all,
I was active on PC for a brief while in September I think, but quit for I don't know why. I was diagnosed with DID based on clinical judgment in late 2010, but in the Netherlands, it's protocol that people get a SCID-D assessment before being diagnosed DID (SCID is a structured interview). So at first I wanted to go to a DID specialist to get a re-evaluation, but I was way too scared to tell a stranger my problems. Besides being scared of having to disclose my history, I was scared of being told I faked it all before even being given a chance. My T said she has experience with the SCID-D and was willing to administer it to me. I finally agreed and got it done over four sessions in March and April. She has yet to give me the official results, but already disclosed that the assessment shows I do in fact have DID. This is a bit of a shock, as I had hoped for something like DDNOS. I'm still kind of in denial, but less so t han before the evaluation. So, just wanted to let you all know.
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"People are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into the wound to discover what your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin." - Tori Amos Current DX (December 2019): autism spectrum disorder, unspecified personality disorder Current RX (December 2019): Abilify 30mg, Celexa 40mg, Ativan 1mg PRN |
 carrie_ann
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 carrie_ann
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#2
May 02, 2012, 05:47 PM
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Quote:
you might want to check with the diagnostic rules that govern your location. here where I live and work in NY, USA a therapist is free to administer tests as a preliminary type thing not as a diagnostic tool. example my therapist can administer the SCID-D or any other mental health evaluation to "point" us to "possible problem areas" just like psych central has mental health tests we can take like the "Sanity Score". but she and I can not legally use her results to say I have or dont have DID or other mental disorders because the diagnostic rules for NY, USA is that only a psychiatrist or Psychologist can use mental health tests like the SKID -D, to make a diagnosis. your "ministry of health department" or your "Netherlands psychiatric association" may be able to tell you if therapists that are not psychiatrists are able to make mental disorder diagnosis where you are. a past therapist once diagnosed me with a mental disorder based on administering a test only to find out she wasnt legally able to use the test for diagnostic purposes. I ended up having to go through diagnostic testing all over again. Turned out I did not have what this therapist said I did. makes a huge difference if you are being diagnosed by those governed to make the diagnosis vs those not legally qualified to do so. now I err on the side of caution and better safe than sorry side of the diagnostic issues. |
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#3
May 02, 2012, 09:58 PM
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Why were you hoping for DDNOS? I guess i kind of understand. I was misdiagnosed schizophrenic and went to pdoc for clarification. Suspected DID but was still shocked when that is what he told me. Peace to you. Hugs if thats ok.
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#4
May 03, 2012, 02:26 AM
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Hi Astridetal,
Sometimes I am afraid I am faking it too. And then I ask myself how would that be bad? Actually it would be better to be faking it than to have it. I think it would be easier to get over faking it, you know? I think the SCID is cool. It is good they have a standardized tool to evaluate.So often, DID looks like everything else. It is a lot like the blind men and the elephant. They are all checking out a different part, but they can't see the whole picture. Then they catagorize the whole as being all like the one part. It understand how you would feel upset at the diagnosis. Its not as accepted as something like depression or anxiety. I send you good wishes and good luck! 
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#5
May 04, 2012, 06:51 PM
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Astridetal, I don't know why it is so but it does feel like a shock when you hear someone say you are DID. I never wanted the label and resisted it, it makes the past real somehow.
I always felt like i was going to get "caught" and told I was faking it. That was when I had DID, then I became one. I no longer have DID, but I still I feel like I'm going to get "caught". My T tells me much of this feeling is from not being validated when I was young. My truth, my reality was not the same as the perception that others had. When others said I was a good lttle girl-I felt fake, (a liar) and like my life was make believe. I don't know if thats very clear, but you are not alone.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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#6
May 06, 2012, 04:26 PM
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Thanks everyone for your validation. I can relate to feeling you're going to get "caught". I was not taken seriously by former therapists and doctors, who told me my behavior was all deliberate. Now I constantly fear being told such things, and yet I tell them myself all the time.
@AmandaLouise: my therapist is a psychologist. She is qualified to administer the SCID-D. I don't know whether she is authorized to open "diagnosis-treatment combinations" as they're called in insurance jargon, but she works in close cooperation with a psychiatrist (I'm in-patient) who I know is authorized. She didn't use the SCID-D as the only tool to diagnose me. In fact I think I said in my original post that I was diagnosed in 2010 based on clinical judgment. Anyway, my diagnosis is valid now according to the protocols and according to insurance legalese.
__________________
"People are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into the wound to discover what your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin." - Tori Amos Current DX (December 2019): autism spectrum disorder, unspecified personality disorder Current RX (December 2019): Abilify 30mg, Celexa 40mg, Ativan 1mg PRN |
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#7
May 06, 2012, 06:15 PM
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I always feel like I'm faking... Like I'm lying to myself. I can't trust me!
Cas
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GypsyRosalie(including: Cas(core), Nina, Alex, Rosalie, Shanna, Molly, Gigi, Squeek, Ki, Layney, Emberlynn, Raj, and unidentified others.) DX: Rapid-cycling Bipolar Type II with Psychosis General Anxiety Disorder Panic Disorder PTSD Obsessive tendencies (possibly OCD, possibly a symptom of something else, yet to be determined) Undiagnosed: Dissociative Identity Disorder or Schizophrenia (something causing alters) RX: Buspar Geodon |
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#8
May 08, 2012, 10:27 PM
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I was diagnosed a year ago by a clinical psychologist, who used the SCID-D. I'm begining to come down from a second round of denial.
I keep thinking it's impossible. it's not real. and it's not happening. because it can't be. is it logic? no. but having it be true means a lot of other things are also true... Not the least of those things is how can I trust myself to know whats really real? my life has been completely thrown into question. and the answer sux. I'm coming back around to it again. the more i look the more I see that it fits. but it's hard to accept.
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Jax 
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