Just want a mommy (sorry long)

I have not been diagnosed with DID, so I'm sorry if I am posting in the wrong place. The reason I decided to post here is because I definitely have a little girl inside of me. I'm not saying I think I have DID or even am that worried about the diagnosis, but I thought maybe someone here might understand?

I am very stuck in my relationships...or lack there of them. I'm 28 years old and I have never been in a romantic relationship. I am very lonely and I guess I would like a relationship, but I am petrified of becoming that close with a person in that way. I have one fairly close friend, but still I keep my distance in some ways. I'm not quite sure what the problem is. I'm not sure if it is fear of intimacy, I think that is a part of it but there also is something else. The other part is I feel like I'm not even really that interested in romantic relationships. I feel like I'm not old enough or something...like not emotionally old enough. I can fake being an adult at work because in that context I know the things to say, but emotionally I do not feel like an adult. I feel like I could never get through the whole dating thing because I do not have what a potential romantic partner would want. I feel empty like there is nothing inside me that I could give another person.

All of this relates to the fact that what I really want more than a romantic partner, a large portion of the time, is a mommy. Someone to love me unconditionally and ask pretty much nothing in return. I feel like I am a little girl and like what I really want is to be taken care of... At times I've felt attracted to men my own age, but really I am pretty scared of them. I am drawn to women who are older than me that I see as motherly figures. Basically, right now I feel like my most fulfilling relationship is with my T, because she is the closest thing to the type of mommy figure that I crave. But I only get to see her once a week...

Am I a freak? I feel like a freak

Sorry this was so long, I couldn't explain it in less words

((((((Turquoise4))))

You are so not a freak!
What you have written makes a lot of sense. Keep posting!!!

hugs,
Jen

i understand your feeling too well. i wish to be hugged and cuddled by a mom like person. The mother does not like to touch us in real life. Yet that craving is almost palpable.

May our dreams come true someday.

you are not alone. I have felt the need to have others take care of me too.

Did you know there is a therapy based around this idea that everyone has times when they feel like a child / need to be taken care of like a child / react like a child would?

here where I live and work its called - the child within. your location may call it something different.

the simple way to explain it is here it is believed that every one has a child version of their self inside. this can be times when you act out like a child would, feel like you are a child in an adult body, or feel like you need to be a child and have someone else take care of you. this is completely normal and happens to everyone. you dont even need to have any mental or physical health problems for this to happen.

the therapy technique for it varies...

some people "rebirth" this is where a therapist/psychiatrist wraps you up tightly to simulate the womb until you struggle and slowly emerge from the wrapping like a new born baby emerges from the birth canal.

some people work directly with their child with in with their therapist/psychiatrist, where you sit quietly and think about how you were as a child, your childhood. then imagine those thoughts about you and your childhood were in the image of you as a child. Then the adult you that is thinking about your childhood and what kind of child you used to be, do what ever you need - talk to, imagine holding....rescue - that child that was you.

Some treatment providers will actually allow their client to act out their inner child needs by allowing the clients to play / take part in play therapy, cuddle with their clients, have blankets/stuffed animals/pillows on hand.

the child within topic comes up quite often in the psychotherapy forum. you might find more information about this non DID / normal child with in and therapy for it in there http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=25

Thanks for the replies. It helps to know I am not alone. I have heard of the concept of the inner child/child within and I do think that this is what I am experiencing rather than DID. My only concern is that my inner child/childlike feelings seem to be very strong and seem to be getting in the way of me having adult relationships at this point in time.

I am feeling worried that I posted in the wrong forum, but worrying I am doing something socially wrong is something I regularly struggle with, so hopefully I did not offend anyone, and if I did, I apologize.

I think it is wonderful that you can express so clearly what you feel. I was older than you are now, when I found my first really serious relationship, which I am still in. And you know what part of the attraction was? This man liked to cook for me. If I said that my feet were cold, he would get out warm socks and even liked to put them on for me.

I think I had been waiting for a nurturing type of man, which was not characteristic of men previously in my life. It so happened that he came with a bunch of bad baggage, but, because he had that "nurturing" quality, I overlooked all the negative. That's how strong the need to feel taken care of in a "mommy" kind of way can be.

I don't think you're a freak, at all. It's very hard to find just what we are looking for in a relationship. At least, you know what you need. One of the things that I think held me back for years was that I assumed things about men that weren't necessarily true. Men come in lots of different types. Many men are more nurturing than lots of women. This past Christmas was the first time I even cooked cooked a Holiday dinner. He always did it.

I think we look to make up for some shortfall we had early in life. I grew up with a lack of warmth, and we never had regular mealtimes. Along came a guy who gave good hugs and cooked good meals, and served dinner at 6 PM every night, and I fell head-over-heels. Ya just never know.

I know exactly how u feel. I have an inner child who longs for the affection and attention of a mommy. u r not alone.
toe

Thank you both for reading my post and taking the time to respond. It is helpful to feel like I am not alone. Thank you.