[cherybery]

Well I recently made some changes with my work. I cut way back on hours and have not been too work since last week. I have gone through so many phases with my career. Sometimes I am so good at what I do and then something happens. I doubt what I am doing because I am not always sure of myself. My career has been so important to me in my adult life but I think I need to let it go at least till things get better. Taking care of myself I am not able too do too my full ability so how can I really care for others. I am working all weekend starting today and it terrifies me. It terrifies me to even leave the house with my blackouts, which happen so much when I drive and I have too do alot of driving. Especially at night it seems like he takes over. I see a new pdoc next week but it seems so far away and I have very little support. I have such a fear of driving because it isn't me. I don't worry about myself I am worried about hurting someone else. I just wish they would listen too me.
Sorry about the rant but I just have to vent. If it is not my journal it is all of you.
HUGS
Cher

[Mahali]

It is a brave decision you have made to take strong steps to better care for yourself. Hard decisions between perhaps "financial wellness" and emotional and physical wellness....but what good is the first without the later?

Good luck at the doc.

[cherybery]

Thank you place. I have been having some flashbacks recently about something that happened when I was young in a car but this has been going on before I remembered that particular situation. I will have to do some searching around in myself. Thank you again for your response.

[LILITH]

I know exactly where you are coming from... I am not going back to my part time job... it is too much for me right now... I am going to stay on relief... but I am having trouble with day to day stuff.... taking my meds, checking my blood sugars... taking care of my sick partner.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

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cherybery said:
Thank you place. I have been having some flashbacks recently about something that happened when I was young in a car but this has been going on before I remembered that particular situation. I will have to do some searching around in myself. Thank you again for your response.

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You said that it was happening even before you remembered that particular situation - some things don't reside in our conscious mind and can still be triggered subconsciously. Maybe Place is onto something - the incidence in the car is the trigger, eventhough you hadn't remembered that incidence. Did that make sense? I'm not sure it did to me.

Anyway, ranting, I think, is okay. That's what we're here for - and someone usually has a similar experience and somehow, in my mind, that validates my feelings, therefore validating me. Something I know I never had - bad people when I grew up. People that were supposed to love me. Never mind.

Safe Hugs,
Songbird

[cherybery]

Thank you for listening all. I am actually at work right now. I better remember to clear my web history before I go. It is very quiet here right now which is good. There are only a couple of us on tonight. I think I am going to leave at 8 if it is quiet and they can call me if they need me. Guess there is something to be said about being on call. What you all have said makes alot of sense because it was not till last year about this time when things began to change. But thank you again for just listening, I truly do appreciate it.
HUGS
Cher