Being near the scene of the crime

So I have a friend of the family, who lives within four houses of the house I was hurt in. And from the house I can see the house I grew up in (which isn't bad, I have fond memories of the house). But the abuse happened from a neighbor.

Every fourth of July I go to this friend of the family and before I would be triggered and not know why. Like come home distraught and be very upset. Last year I took a walk because I was still in that "this didn't happen stage" and I wanted to see if I would trigger myself. And I did.

This fourth of July I left with a plan. I wasn't allowed to look at the house ( and luckily trees hid it, okay so I sneaked a few peeks out of the corner of my eye). I wasn't allowed to take walks to explore anything. Which I didn't. When I drove away I went the opposite direction. Before I left I locked up all my over the counter medication (my team has my prescriptions), and put the key in my car. The part who is very impulsive is also very scared and I don't forsee him walking outside in the dark to get the keys to open the safe. I also threw away any razorblades I had laying around.

I had someone in my family say, who knows that I am very sick over childhood issues, but thinks it's only because my parents divorced(that's what a lot of people think). He wasn't trying to be mean. He was trying to encourage me. Because he's not a mean guy. He says "You're childhood wasn't that bad". I didn't even know what to say. I just agreed with him. I mean what was I supposed to do walk him to the end of the sidewalk point to the house and tell him why my childhood sucked. It just hit me the wrong way. Do people really think I've been in dozens of psychiatric wards because my parents divorced? God help our next generation. I'm not that sensitive. I feel like people sit around and say "that Lydia, can't even get her act together, can't even get over her parents divorcing. It was twenty years ago."

But why do I care? I stopped caring so long ago. I guess it just hit me wrong tonight, as I'm a little more sensitive.

(((((((( Lydia )))))))))

You did a GREAT job at doing your self care! I'm totally impressed at how you looked at everything before you went and did what was needed to keep yourself safe. Your mindfulness was awesome too while at the party.

We can't expect people to understand things that they don't know about. If they aren't told the truth, they will assume or think that what you have blamed for your instability is the only thing that is still affecting you and wondering why. Of course their comments sting, but we have to understand that they are without the facts and reasons for our issues. It's not their fault, they aren't mind readers right?

Of course it's completely up to you who you disclose your issues to and who you don't. I'm just glad you were able to successfully go to the party and be safe the whole time!


sabby

I hate those throw away comments... Your childhood wasn't that bad..... There's nothing wrong with you...... Grrrrr. Nobody knows the whole truth about any-one. Kudos to you for fronting up to a reminder of the past. You care because your care. You are allowed sensitivity. Just breathe...........

(((((((((( Lydia )))))))))))

I just re-read my comment to you and I hope you and others haven't taken what I said the wrong way. I realized that it may have sounded like I was invalidating your feelings and honestly, that's not what I intended to do at all. I just wanted to apologize if I came off as anything other than supportive of you and others that have had to deal with situations like the one you wrote about.


sabby

It's okay Sabby, no offense taken here.