Mad and Sad

stormgirl · May 21, 2006, 03:55 AM

...i just made a post and lost it and that makes me mad and even more sadder because i said some things honestly about being alone and scared and no one helping me and now I can't say them again.

I wish I had not pushed everyone away. I wish I was not so fiercely independant ...i wish I knew how to ask for help with some things i am going through, I wish people would give me help and caring without all the adult yuck stuff.

I am sorry if I am making everyone sad and mad too, I don't mean to. I don't mean to do alot of stuff but i always do...............i feel incapacitated my by own inability to seek out what i need - i don't even know what i need......but i know i need to get support or i will be eaten alive by the pain

Storm/Stone

May 21, 2006, 04:10 AM

I'm sorry you lost your post, stormgirl. I hate it when that happens to me.
It's difficult feeling isolated. Is there anyone irl you can reach out to? I can't remember if you have a T - but can your dr help you if you aren't seeing a T at present? Sometimes the only way I can ask for help - and i have done this with my dr in the past - is to write down what is happening to me. I even mailed a letter once to make sure he had time to read it before my appt.
I can't see how you could possibly be making folk here feel sad or mad. All I have seen you do is reach out and help and be supportive. I hope you can find a way of letting others offer you that support too - but I appreciate how scary that can feel.
Be safe
C

stormgirl · May 21, 2006, 04:23 AM

thankyou for your kind words Caroline - I miss your way-cool picture of the hand prints Mad and Sad

We are not in crisis and we wish we hadn't posted those feelings because we have a thing about people noticing us and we feel bad if people try and help us.

The post was about practical things mostly(and she continues to tell white-lies). One of the things I have to do and relatively quickly is buy a new house, but i just keep thinking about it and thinking about it, but feel unable to do anything about it........except sit and think.

Its so easy really, go out look at houses, put and offer in negotiate etc and buy the thing - easy in anyones elses world but mine. I just feel paralyzed by it all.

Thanks for your support Mad and Sad

May 21, 2006, 05:50 AM

You are very welcome, stormgirl.

Some of us find it is hard to accept help from others or their noticing us. I wonder how you feel about helping others, as you do so well? Do you see it as an imposition? I doubt it! In a way you are giving us a gift if you allow us to try to help.

Practical things can be the worst, and to me buying a house is a real big thing. It's a huge step and I disagree with your statement that it is easy. When we are in difficult places, and kind of decision is REALLY hard to take - let alone one of the magnitude of buying a house. I completely understand the sense of paralysis.

Thanks for your comment about the siggy. I'm not ready to put it back up yet, but maybe I will at some point in the future.

C

SongBirdandDaisy · May 21, 2006, 07:52 AM

Storm

Stone

I too dislike when I hit the submit button and forgot to put in a subject and the whole thing goes ***poof***. GGRRR

You know I am a PM away, yesterday Mad and Sad

.

Pushing people away is what we have learned to do to protect ourselves. It takes a little while and a little constant reminding of ourselves to change that belief. No one is ever pushed away forever - reestablishing relationships is just a matter of reaching out. Hard work and scary. Setting up boundaries (still trying to figure that one out) helps with all the adult yuck stuff. And letting them know that you're not seeking advice right now but just support is helpful too. I had to do that with my husband because he just wanted to fix things. Some things can't be fixed (unless you have a license to fix them - psychologist) and somethings we don't necessarily want fixed because we need to experience them so we can heal.

Remember, I'm here. We are all here.

Hugs,
Songbird and Snowbird

SongBirdandDaisy · May 21, 2006, 07:56 AM

I don't think buying a house is easy! Scary and overwhelming with all that financial stuff and wondering what the new neighbors will be like, do they have barking dogs etc.

Give yourself credit, girlfriend Mad and Sad

. Thinking about it is the best plan of attack. Then when you go, you will know exactly what you're looking for.

Sorry I'm "helping" you Mad and Sad

But, I like you and love your e-mails.

PS: I'm working on Caroline's avatar. Not done yet. But today, I promise Mad and Sad

Hugs a Billion,
Songbird

Fuzzybear · May 21, 2006, 02:17 PM

January · May 21, 2006, 02:21 PM

((((((((((( Storm ))))))))))

It is very hard for me to ask for help, also. Sometimes we just need to know someone is listening instead of jumping in with a bunch of solutions.

Know that we care and that we are here for you.

Hugs,

Jan

Fuzzybear · May 21, 2006, 09:48 PM

good post about pushing people away Mad and Sad

I do that a lot! Mad and Sad

I am here for you too Mad and Sad

Storm

stormgirl · May 22, 2006, 02:05 AM

thanks EVERYONE Mad and Sad

I guess sometimes you just need to vent and put it out there, thats the massive hurdle, putting it out there. I guess for me, putting stuff out there makes me feel incredibly exposed - but I am not feeling so bad about it now.

Somehow I don't feel so alone with you lot around............thankyou thankyou thankyou Mad and Sad