[stormgirl]

.thank goodness Friday is almost over.........seemed I was walking along quite nicely and BANG straight into the endless hole of switching I fell.........it gobbled me up and I had to fight real hard to just come back to the surface.

I have two insiders who carry alot of body stuff and it virtually sucked all the life force out of me, and I was left feeling drained and completely worn out. At one stage I realised I had someone whom I have never met before and they were saying outloud 'Wake up -------' over and over again, I could hear them from way in the back of my mind but my body felt quite asleep........thankfully they kept saying it over and over until slowly I 'woke-up.' I guess I should be grateful but I am more consumed and pissed by the switching and feeling out of control.

*********Announcement*************

I HATE FEELING OUT OF CONTROL it sucks big time.

Well, don't even know what I am trying to say, just venting I guess and feeling a bit stink because I have been supressing today - so in all honesty I know why the switching happened..................................someone needed something and I denied them that. It was a simple thing, I just chose not to let them do it and I guess they freaked, then other like minded souls joined in.

OMG what a life - today I just wished for a moment or two of silence, just a snitch, a drop.....................guess I deserve all I get for being so mean to littles who want to talk.

Stopping talking now or I will go on for ever and that would be quite disasterous.

Take care everyone
Storm

[LILITH]

Hello, I am so so sorry you are going through this.... I hope that your weekend goes great...... a litlle peace for you......

[Fuzzybear]

[jabe]

those pics show how switching can make us feel sometimes. Sorry you had a day like that storm.

We have rules that seem to work most the time. The rules are about sharing time so that the swtiching doesnt happen so much. Like when its work time only the worker is allowed to be at work, the littles aren't allowed, but they know they can have time between 5 and 7 at night. We negotiate things to try and meet their needs and ours too. I dunno if something like that would work for you, but it did help us.

hehe sounds like they were ganging up on you .. sorry i had to laugh at that thought cos that happens to us when we dont give them the time they need lol. The old saying 'there is strength in numbers' eh

anyways thats our thoughts

be safe n take good care of u

I switch alot too but my switching is based on triggers not as in who does what and so on. When I get scared about someting I switch into that related "alter" (piece of memory) If I start getting mad I switch into an alter that contains anger and so on. I don't get tired during my switching. To me when the pieces of memorys are replaying Im floating in my mental safe place or sleeping in my mental safe place. I can actually go for weeks without actually physically sleeping just because of my rapid switching. It doesn't seem like I am out of control because I have always been this way. The only time I am bothered by my switching is like the time while I was off floating and I came back and found out that I had thrown a table at my past therapist, or the time I woke up and it was pitch dark and a friend was telling me I just punched her boyfriend. Those type of situations are few an far between for me though because I dont get that angry very often.

But I do know about the being numb because when I am floating I don't feel anything at all. its just me floating. no pain no thoughts just listening to my music and floating.

Silence - I get silence sometimes - not much but sometimes. When a voice is going I just look for the trigger and do something to change the trigger and that voice stops. Sometimes on purpose I know what the trigger is like yesterday in therapy I was in my tunnel area and my therapist and I were talking about something and a voice kept saying shut up. I knew the trigger was probably something to do with what we were talking about. Instead of catering to the voice and stoping the activity that my therapist and I were doing I decided to go float in la la land. I didn't feel mad or angry so I knew that the odds of my throwing a table at her was very small so I just went with the flow of things and floated off to la la land. The next thing I knew was standing and my therapist asking if I was all there. I let her know I was fine a bit foogy but fine and I knew I left for la la land at least one point and I would be fine going home. By the time we walked back to her office building a block away from where we did the therapy activity the fog had lifted enough for me to bike home. and even if it didn't I still would have made it home. My DID switching is trigger related so being that I was on my bike I would not have switched into any "alters" that didn't contain any information about my riding a bike. The way I think about it is that I am in my 40's my DID didn't get me killed when I didn't know what it was called then I am going to be just fine now that I know what it is called the only thing that has changed in relation to my switching before I was diagnosed and after is that I have a foot long worded label to explain what was already happening.

Anyway Im getting off track here so hang in there. it does get better.

[stormgirl]

...thanks for all the support and words of wisdom. I feel lost today probably because I am zonked. I am usually pretty kind to myself, though today I am in self loathing mode....nothing I seem to do is right. I took down SB&D nice avatar that she made me because it felt too good for me.... i will put it back up on the next day that I love myself lol.

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((stormgirl)))))))))))))) I hope you put your avatar from SB&D soon. I would like you to love yourself again. Take care.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

I like this one. It makes the eyes bug out!

It's okay you changed avatars - but I do hope you feel good about yous again. I guess we'll know when the avatar comes back

Storm Girl

SB&D

[January]

((((((((((( Storm ))))))))))))))

I hope you feel better very soon.

Hugs,

Jan

you're welcome. and I have days when I hate myself too. try doing something just for yourself - take a bath, buy something you wouldn't normally buy and so on. Sometimes that helps me feel better about myself.