[peaches100]

These questions are for anybody who has recognized that they have distinct, young feeling, very needy child parts -- and has worked on resolving trauma by working with such child parts.

1. Are you able to keep your regular adult state of mind present at the same time that you can access the child part of you with its feelings of pain and shame?

If no, why not? What happens when you try?


2. If your answer to #1 was yes, can you also experience the pain in tolerable increments without getting overwhelmed, pulled too far into the pain, or without losing your adult state of mind?

If no, why not? What happens when you try?


3. If your answer to #3 was yes, while you are in touch with the child part's pain, can the adult part of you comfort the child part of you sufficiently to where the pain recedes and the child part of you feels a measure of soothing and healing?

If no, why? What happens when you try?

If no, do you ask for/accept soothing from your t (hugs, hand holding, etc.)? Did it your child part feel soothing/healing?


4. After making several/many attempts to do this and failing to achieve trauma resolution/healing, have you decided to quit working with child parts and doing this type of trauma work?

If yes, did you find a different method that helped you more? What?

If yes, what did you do about your child part(s) once you stopped trying to access/experience/resolve your traumatic issues? Did you cut them off from awareness?

If no, what made you decide to continue with the trauma work?


I'm finding myself in this situation right now in therapy and am trying to decide where to go from here. . .

Peaches

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by peaches100

These questions are for anybody who has recognized that they have distinct, young feeling, very needy child parts -- and has worked on resolving trauma by working with such child parts.

1. Are you able to keep your regular adult state of mind present at the same time that you can access the child part of you with its feelings of pain and shame?

If no, why not? What happens when you try?


2. If your answer to #1 was yes, can you also experience the pain in tolerable increments without getting overwhelmed, pulled too far into the pain, or without losing your adult state of mind?

If no, why not? What happens when you try?


3. If your answer to #3 was yes, while you are in touch with the child part's pain, can the adult part of you comfort the child part of you sufficiently to where the pain recedes and the child part of you feels a measure of soothing and healing?

If no, why? What happens when you try?

If no, do you ask for/accept soothing from your t (hugs, hand holding, etc.)? Did it your child part feel soothing/healing?


4. After making several/many attempts to do this and failing to achieve trauma resolution/healing, have you decided to quit working with child parts and doing this type of trauma work?

If yes, did you find a different method that helped you more? What?

If yes, what did you do about your child part(s) once you stopped trying to access/experience/resolve your traumatic issues? Did you cut them off from awareness?

If no, what made you decide to continue with the trauma work?


I'm finding myself in this situation right now in therapy and am trying to decide where to go from here. . .

Peaches

brief summary of my other post in your psychology thread with this same subject and questions....

I explained I had two different types of child part.. alters and the normal inner child concept that everyone has of times when they feel like a child..

I gave some examples of times when I have felt like the child I used to be....at work when I was stressed out and over whelmed, on the lake feeling like I did when I went swimming with my siblings and cousins, and during intimate times with my wife..

yes I am able to access the inner child parts of me while still remaining in the adult frame of mind.

yes I am able to do so without getting overwhelmed and pulled into it,

I also went into detail how I do this... when I am feeling these normal inner child parts (not DID type alters which is a completely different thing) I acknowledge the feeling/memory and use the grounding techniques my therapist has taught me. this allows me to let myself feel and deal with those feelings/memories while staying fully aware and grounded.

with DID alters I was not able to do this because I had very limited amounts of co consciousness. co consciousness is remaining aware of whats going on when you switch into being an alter. for me there was just one minute I'm with my wife and the next it was ours, days, weeks later with no idea of what went on during that lost space of time.

my therapist and I would do this kind of work with me bringing in a photo of myself when I was the age in which I was having a problem with, we would talk about the photo and then she would have me close my eyes and picture that photo in my mind. then she would lead me into imagining the photo turning into the child posing for that photo then she would lead me into placing the feelings/memories that I was having a problem with into that child that used to be me. then she would ask me what I felt I/that child had needed. then to say or do that in my mind or out loud to that child.

With the normal inner child concept work my therapist and I rarely included things like touching, holding, cuddling my inner child, being a sexual abuse survivor touch and being touched was a trigger for me, so using that in our work would have resulted in my coming out of the guided visualization/imagery

we still use this inner child therapy concept because it does work for me.

for the DID type alters no we never did this with/for them because I had little to no co consciousness with my alters. the problems with them were solved when they integrated with me so that we were/are one whole person again.

[CathySF]

This is facinating! Seems so complicated. Any books recommended on this topic? Thx!

[LouR]

1. No. Not in everyday life. I am blocked.
Yes, When I'm doing EMDR. T asks me to describe an event using the 5 senses and describe how I feel about it.
Then we do EMDR, during the process he eventually will come to the child part. When the emotion is evident I am then asked to use an adult alter to intervene in the scenario and console the child.
2. and 3. Yes during EMDR I am in the moment I am her, then an alter comes and consoles and takes the pain away.
No I don't like physical contact with people other than my family and very close friends.
4. No. She integrated therefore for that particular event I found that I can protect myself and that it was not "my" fault that it happened. So I don't think I'll be stopping treatment when I feel so at peace with myself afterwards.
Depending on the treatment your undergoing really makes the difference to the outcome. With EMDR my homework is relaxation exercises, CBT and using what I've learnt everyday consciously. Also at least 7.5 hours of sleep a night to ensure REM sleep.
I hope that this helps you.

[Sierrarose]

1. Are you able to keep your regular adult state of mind present at the same time that you can access the child part of you with its feelings of pain and shame?

If no, why not? What happens when you try?

I can now that I understand DID and have accepted the condition. It was a very different, painful and confusing story before the official diagnoses. Today I share her pain and have found communicating that I understand and will do anything to help her if I can helps. Indulging in a few little treats helps too. Helping rather than hindering helps a lot. Sometimes it's like taking care of a sick child. She came about in the beginning to help me, it's now my turn to help her.

2. If your answer to #1 was yes, can you also experience the pain in tolerable increments without getting overwhelmed, pulled too far into the pain, or without losing your adult state of mind?

If no, why not? What happens when you try?

Yes.

3. If your answer to #3 was yes, while you are in touch with the child part's pain, can the adult part of you comfort the child part of you sufficiently to where the pain recedes and the child part of you feels a measure of soothing and healing?

Yes.

4. After making several/many attempts to do this and failing to achieve trauma resolution/healing, have you decided to quit working with child parts and doing this type of trauma work?

If yes, did you find a different method that helped you more? What?

If yes, what did you do about your child part(s) once you stopped trying to access/experience/resolve your traumatic issues? Did you cut them off from awareness?

If no, what made you decide to continue with the trauma work?

I didn't do 'trauma work' as such. By the time I was diagnosed and referred to a psychologist he said I had done most of the work myself and he doubted that he had anything else to offer. He said my coping tools were remarkable and that sharing my experience in forums had obviously been very helpful.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by CathySF

This is facinating! Seems so complicated. Any books recommended on this topic? Thx!

my treatment provider doesnt use any special books. she learned the things we do through workshops, seminars and through her educational and job training along with her own interest in things like relaxation, stress reduction, mindfulness, and of course her hands on work with clients.

my own personal favorite books for grounding and mindfulness are "mindfulness for beginners" by Kabat Zinn, A mindfulness based stress reduction workbook by Elisha Goldstein, and I will try just about any guided meditation at least once,

there are many great books on DID, whether they are good or not depends upon what you are looking for, when I first joined psych central I also found many great books in the resource thread that Doc John has going here http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=71992 that my therapist and I found that were helpful during my integration process so that I would be more comfortable with myself, my alters and the whole process I was going through. some of them had stuff on all types of alters.

[amandalouise]

I saw my therapist today and asked her what books she found helpful from the thread doc john has going and asked her opinion of a couple others. she said she liked the one called "fractured mind' and she wasnt too keen on websites because website information isnt always reflecting what she gets from workshops and seminars. over all she thinks like I do that thread can be very helpful depending upon what you are looking for. the both of us have found that much of the information in the thread over all is very good.

[peaches100]

Thanks so much for answering, everybody. It seems that most of you have not had such a problem tolerating the pain of other parts of you and giving comfort to them. I don't know why it is so hard for me!!

What i experience is that i start out in a logical, adult frame of mind. But once my t starts talking to a child part of me, or asking about a particular trauma I went through as a child - depending on how disturbing the trauma was, I will get filled with pain and revert to feeling like i'm a little girl going through the trauma all over again! I will lose the adult logical part of my mind, or else the traumatized pained child part will be way stronger and take over.

When I attempt to comfort that scared, hurt little girl part of me, it feels haphazard and doesn't really work. The child alter/part does not feel comforted by the adult me. She wants comfort from my t instead. And the adult part of me ends up feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and exhausted by getting in touch with the buried pain that came out. It usually takes me 2-3 days to overcome the exhausted/traumatized/depressed feelings the follow such "rescue attempts." It just feels like it brings up all the trauma and pain, which hurts the child part all over again, and wears out and frustrates the adult part who tries to help her.

I don't know what to do, but am ready to stop even trying! It seems that i am just too sensitive to tolerate this sort of work, and i can't seem to keep the pain at a tolerable level without it overtaking me completely.

I feel like a therapy failure!

[purple_fins]

I've read in many places that for intolerance of emotions, a good tool could be DBT therapy. I dont really know what exactly that is-- but in many places I've read, they often mention how helpful DBT is for such a struggle.
I wonder if you've tried that already??....

fins

[complic8d]

Just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone. I have the same problems. My child parts (or any of me) doesn't know what it feels like to be "comforted". If someone tries to hug me I push them away. The child parts do not trust the adult me, if I even am an adult. I don't tolerate intense emotions and do many things to get away from them. I try to find a memory of really feeling comforted and I can't. I think lack of trust is a large part of it. (Could it be that the "comforting" people were also the hurting ones?)

Big HUGS

[Claritytoo]

I don't have memories of being comforted. I can't think of one. My sanity, when I was young, was in my sisters sense of humor. That is how she dealt with the violence. I also found comfort in being alone. I would hide in a cardboard box and stay perfectly still. I could hear everyone but no one knew I was there. I was totally safe. I would breath it all in and get as much feeling of safety as I could before stepping back into the world. I feel safe when I am alone because no one can touch me. But that's the rub. There are times when I would like to be touched in the right way. Still for now we just want the feeling of being safe.