[WePow]

So there have been tons of changes at work - massive changes. And changes in my T's office. Bottom line is on Friday I lost it at work... again... The good thing is that I didn't get into trouble this time, althought I have been on pins the entire day waiting for HR to swoop from the sky and snatch me up! But my boss said I did everything right.
I don't remember much. I do know one alter was very much SU minded, and did send T an email. That was perfect because after that, I was gone. I was up on the roof at work huddled in a corner just crying ... I could hear it but could not reach myself. My T was calling on the phone and I kept trying to push forward to answer it but he said I hung up on him several times and he said it sounded like a baby trying to answer the phone - just crying.

Anyway, my S/O came to get me at work, but I kept going out of it and could just hear a baby scream crying! It was like I wanted to go help the baby but could not get there!

In my T's office, he was not in yet, but another T was there who heard me in the hall outside T's office - he had told my S/O to bring me over and he would be right in. I remember the other T taking ahold of my hand and that made Baby stop crying as much. Then baby was about to go to sleep! I felt like we had trouble holding up our head.

T came to get me from the other Ts office with my S/O. He was able to bring me back and do EMDR with me a bit to get me safe.
But wow! That was a new experience for me!

I found out this weekend that my mom did have a very stupid lady next door who never had her own child tell her to let me "cry it out" !!! My mom said it broke her heart to hear me cry that way and they would go outside and lock me in the house. My mom appologized and all. I do forgive her. But I think that could have been when that baby was formed.

I am not finding much information about how to deal with infant alters.
Any links?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by WePow

So there have been tons of changes at work - massive changes. And changes in my T's office. Bottom line is on Friday I lost it at work... again... The good thing is that I didn't get into trouble this time, althought I have been on pins the entire day waiting for HR to swoop from the sky and snatch me up! But my boss said I did everything right.
I don't remember much. I do know one alter was very much SU minded, and did send T an email. That was perfect because after that, I was gone. I was up on the roof at work huddled in a corner just crying ... I could hear it but could not reach myself. My T was calling on the phone and I kept trying to push forward to answer it but he said I hung up on him several times and he said it sounded like a baby trying to answer the phone - just crying.

Anyway, my S/O came to get me at work, but I kept going out of it and could just hear a baby scream crying! It was like I wanted to go help the baby but could not get there!

In my T's office, he was not in yet, but another T was there who heard me in the hall outside T's office - he had told my S/O to bring me over and he would be right in. I remember the other T taking ahold of my hand and that made Baby stop crying as much. Then baby was about to go to sleep! I felt like we had trouble holding up our head.

T came to get me from the other Ts office with my S/O. He was able to bring me back and do EMDR with me a bit to get me safe.
But wow! That was a new experience for me!

I found out this weekend that my mom did have a very stupid lady next door who never had her own child tell her to let me "cry it out" !!! My mom said it broke her heart to hear me cry that way and they would go outside and lock me in the house. My mom appologized and all. I do forgive her. But I think that could have been when that baby was formed.

I am not finding much information about how to deal with infant alters.
Any links?

I once asked my therapist and psychiatrist what to do if it turned out that I had any alters that were baby like, that seemed to be under the age of 1 or 2. they told me working with infant alters is the same as working with older alters. you find out what is triggering them, then use your self nurturing skills and grounding, mindfulness tools to calm you and the infant alter, just like you would if you were feeling dissociative and like a 5 or 10 yr old.

it worked for me when ever I was in my all I can do is cry type alters. maybe it will work for you too.

[such is life...]

Originally Posted by WePow

So there have been tons of changes at work - massive changes. And changes in my T's office. Bottom line is on Friday I lost it at work... again... The good thing is that I didn't get into trouble this time, althought I have been on pins the entire day waiting for HR to swoop from the sky and snatch me up! But my boss said I did everything right.
I don't remember much. I do know one alter was very much SU minded, and did send T an email. That was perfect because after that, I was gone. I was up on the roof at work huddled in a corner just crying ... I could hear it but could not reach myself. My T was calling on the phone and I kept trying to push forward to answer it but he said I hung up on him several times and he said it sounded like a baby trying to answer the phone - just crying.

Anyway, my S/O came to get me at work, but I kept going out of it and could just hear a baby scream crying! It was like I wanted to go help the baby but could not get there!

In my T's office, he was not in yet, but another T was there who heard me in the hall outside T's office - he had told my S/O to bring me over and he would be right in. I remember the other T taking ahold of my hand and that made Baby stop crying as much. Then baby was about to go to sleep! I felt like we had trouble holding up our head.

T came to get me from the other Ts office with my S/O. He was able to bring me back and do EMDR with me a bit to get me safe.
But wow! That was a new experience for me!

I found out this weekend that my mom did have a very stupid lady next door who never had her own child tell her to let me "cry it out" !!! My mom said it broke her heart to hear me cry that way and they would go outside and lock me in the house. My mom appologized and all. I do forgive her. But I think that could have been when that baby was formed.

I am not finding much information about how to deal with infant alters.
Any links?

WePow infants are tough....they require a lot of care...just like external infants.....In my situation I have a boat load of infants....so what I did internaly was to make a nursery....carpet, toys cribs, play pens,( I found that usualy most of my protectors all had infants and very young little ones) so these protectors took care of them around the clock and when they needed extra help they found trusted internal "baby sitters"....alters that were already there and could be called on for help. Thats what we did ....I dont know if this will be helpfull to you. But this worked for us. Good luck!!!

[Crew]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((WEPOW)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Crew

[Callista]

It is fascinating to me that you can have a baby alter even though self-awareness starts emerging at around 18 months or so. Perhaps you put those memories together into a person afterward?

Anyway, I don't have advice; I just think it is interesting. I zone out during autistic meltdowns, and occasionally I can't remember what happened because I was just too distressed to store memories; but I don't have DID. I wonder if perhaps I would have ended up as more than one of me, if instead of simply forgetting I had put the memories together into a personality.

Heh, sorry, don't mind me--just speculation from a curious mind. Take good care of your baby, though. Babies need lots of love, whether they are made of flesh and blood, or of the information in a person's brain.

[likewater]

It sounds like your baby needs hlding and rocking and awknowledgement and nurturing.

[pegasus]

Hugs (((((((( WePow )))))))))

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Callista

It is fascinating to me that you can have a baby alter even though self-awareness starts emerging at around 18 months or so. Perhaps you put those memories together into a person afterward?

Anyway, I don't have advice; I just think it is interesting. I zone out during autistic meltdowns, and occasionally I can't remember what happened because I was just too distressed to store memories; but I don't have DID. I wonder if perhaps I would have ended up as more than one of me, if instead of simply forgetting I had put the memories together into a personality.

Heh, sorry, don't mind me--just speculation from a curious mind. Take good care of your baby, though. Babies need lots of love, whether they are made of flesh and blood, or of the information in a person's brain.

maybe it will help you understand the "baby" concept if you knew here in the USA the term "baby" covers the ages between newborn and 4-5 yrs old. we have all kinds of terms to describe childhood like "baby" "infant" , "newborn" and toddler all cover the same span of a childs life, though infant does tend to be used most often to refer to children under a year, newborn for the first 3-4 months and toddler for those ages in which the child is about a yr to 3 (the walking or toddling yrs.)

people in the USA also use the term "baby" to describe the youngest member or the family no matter how old the person is. example my youngest brother is 22 but he is the baby of the family, meaning youngest and last born to the family.

here where I live and work we do use the term baby for the youngest alter in the system and alters that are between the ages of newborn to 5 yrs old.

there is such a thing as having an alter that is a baby under the age of a yr because sick as it may seem there are jerks out there that do abuse children under a yr old in the most horrendous ways. I have a case in which the baby is 6 months old. this little girl does show the signs of dissociation with spaacy unfocused eyes when she hears a males voice, does not respond to touch if the person doing the touching is a male. she totally shuts down (breathing rate, heart beat,...) at the presence of a male to where she is barely breathing and her whole posture goes limp as if she has switched into an alter unlike her normal self. I would not be surprised if someday in the future this girl is diagnosed DID.

babies this young may not be self aware meaning knowing their self in the mirror and knowing they are a human being but babies do know when they are being harmed, evidenced by their crying when in pain. they know when they are hungry, cold wet what ever and they have feelings just like other human beings do.

dissociation isnt something you do after you are "self aware" you are born with the ability to dissociate, we know this because babies can be calmed and space out with moving objects, they do show thinking and dissociative activities on EEG's. a 3 month old child will use their hands to reach for objects and space out with repetative objects...a new born can recognize and be afraid of loud noises, someone yelling at them harming them....

anyway my point is there is no set age in which a person can become dissociative identity disordered. the criteria is just that two or more alternate personalities take control.

[Hunny]

WePow,

Soothing safety to you and the baby. It'll be okay I know it. We use the gentle "shhh-shhh-shhh" & sweet "hush-a-byes" to help. Our baby was the first out but in some ways the last to be helped, if on some levels. Something around huge 'losses' lately has caused her to come more to the fore. Thankfully someone suggested a blanket which seems to have helped somewhat. Whew! I just had to respond. Be well.

safe hugs ((((hugs))))

[Callista]

amandalouise, you have a very good point. Infants may not be self-aware yet, but they are aware, and perhaps that's the only thing you really need to space out. And they are certainly capable of feeling pain, loneliness, and fear. It makes me very angry to hear that babies have been abused like that, but I understand that it can and does happen. It makes me want to jump through time and space and protect them, hold them close and take them to a safe place where people love them and nobody will ever hurt them.