[just2b]

I been having some difficulties lately. I am not switching though. I either hide it very well or maybe I have been misdiagnosed.( that I wish)
I tend to do my switching in therapist office. When in there I feel its okay to switch and say or do what is needed, but out in the world I maybe its not safe to show my true self . I dont know. I have been in situations where I have FELT like my younger child parts, but havent totally let them out. Anyone follow?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by just2b

I been having some difficulties lately. I am not switching though. I either hide it very well or maybe I have been misdiagnosed.( that I wish)
I tend to do my switching in therapist office. When in there I feel its okay to switch and say or do what is needed, but out in the world I maybe its not safe to show my true self . I dont know. I have been in situations where I have FELT like my younger child parts, but havent totally let them out. Anyone follow?

I think that is so cool that you are strong enough to have that much control over what your alters do when. keep up the great work.

Before I was integrated I had no control over who came out or even when the alters could come out. they all had their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being...

for example

if I was having a stressful day those alters who's job, purpose reason for being was to handle times when I could not handle stress, took over. I would later become aware to find what ever was stressing me out was taken care of.

if something triggered me into being angry, the alter who's job. purpose reason for being was to contain and deal with situations that caused the anger would take over and contain and deal with that event that caused me to feel angry.

if i was in an intimate moment or a situation that led to sex which ever sexualized alter who's job it was to contain/hold/ deal with that sex act or sexual situation took control and did their job/purpose/reason for being.

if I was home watching tv and something on the show or movie I was watching triggered me which ever alter who's job/purpose/reason for being was to contain/hold/deal with that issue took over control..

the list goes on and on. being DID and switching into alters was something that happened to me, not something I could control.. i couldn't think or say something like "I will only switch alters when I am with my therapist" or I will only switch into alters when I am alone" or what ever/who ever and where ever.

one time I got so frustrated during therapy because I could not control the who, what where and when I dissociated (your words switching) and I was having one of those weeks where it seemed like every time I turned around I was finding I had done /said or met with friends and didnt remember doing so. My therapist explained to me that if I had the control to choose then my problem would have been called "selective amnesia" not "dissociative amnesia" and I would not have been diagnosed with DID because the diagnostics stated the words "recurrently take control.." it didnt say "host recurrently gives control..." after that I settled down and stopped focusing on that fact that I didnt have control and got to work on things like grounding and taking care of those things that caused me to dissociate.

As I became stronger with learning how to handle my problems the alters learned their jobs/purposes/reasons for being was no longer needed so they merged with me to where we are now...one whole person.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by just2b

I been having some difficulties lately. I am not switching though. I either hide it very well or maybe I have been misdiagnosed.( that I wish)
I tend to do my switching in therapist office. When in there I feel its okay to switch and say or do what is needed, but out in the world I maybe its not safe to show my true self . I dont know. I have been in situations where I have FELT like my younger child parts, but havent totally let them out. Anyone follow?

I wanted to add that I just went back and read your past posts..in one of your posts dated 6 days ago one of your alters posted here on face book. the reason I point this out is because sometimes it helps people to know when their alters are coming out so they can figure out what triggered the switching into that alter at that time.

I also wanted to say I am glad you rethought your idea of not getting another therapist and you now have one....your post in November 19th said you havent had a therapist for 6 months and you didnt want another one and last month December 22nd you posted you were still in the same boat of not having a therapist and january 11th your alter stated you still havent a therapist...

congrats on finding the new therapist. (Im assuming sometime during the last 6 days you were able to get another therapist since this post states you are only letting your alters out in your therapists office)

[just2b]

I should have used my words carefully. I dont have control over alters in therapist office, which I am not in therapy at this time. In the past this was the case and probably still is today since it hasnt been that long. I posted this because I had told my psychology (ex) teacher I have DID. I was asking her for advice on something. She pointed out to me in the time that I was in her class and times that I run into her at school I am not one that seems to have DID. I told her I tend to switch only in therapy settings. Or at home alone, not with kids around. I may feel the alter present but it doesnt take over and come out. Does this clear anything?
Thank you for bring up past posts...I should read them too.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by just2b

I should have used my words carefully. I dont have control over alters in therapist office, which I am not in therapy at this time. In the past this was the case and probably still is today since it hasnt been that long. I posted this because I had told my psychology (ex) teacher I have DID. I was asking her for advice on something. She pointed out to me in the time that I was in her class and times that I run into her at school I am not one that seems to have DID. I told her I tend to switch only in therapy settings. Or at home alone, not with kids around. I may feel the alter present but it doesnt take over and come out. Does this clear anything?
Thank you for bring up past posts...I should read them too.

thank you for clarifying what you meant. you're welcome on the past posts..I make a habit of reading my past journals they show me how far I have come. really helps on those harder days. I think you will enjoy looking back on your past posts and seeing how much work you have done and just how far you have come..

keep up the great work.

[possum220]

Hiya Just2b.

Its more like When do I switch? The answer to that is..... I switch when I am triggered. It isn't always convenient.

[Orangina88]

I switch when i do not feel safe, or if somethings not going my way.. my parts are very young.... 8-13-14