compromising with parts

I have DDNOS, and one of my parts (Rachel) has been telling me about abuse that I don't remember. However, it is very triggering for me and too overwhelming for me to talk about. Sometimes when things are hard to talk about, I write it down and bring it in for my therapist so I don't have to say it out loud. This is how she knows about the general nature of what Rachel says, but I am having a difficult time going in more depth. My therapist wanted me to try to find a way to compromise with Rachel and find a way to be able to talk about what she tells me without it being too overwhelming.

So I am interested in a few things, really. How do you compromise with parts/alters in general? And how do you approach talking about abuse when it is really overwhelming?

I am glade you asked this question, I am sorry I don't have an answer but I am having a similar experience. I am still trying to figure this out. I hope someone who has worked through this type of thing lets us know how they did it.

with me I had to take things slowly and one step at a time...example instead of giving a huge amount of details, (this happened then this happened then this happened and this...) I would say this happened and stay on that one step until I was ready to go further.

as I went on slowing telling things one at a time soon I was able to tell two things then three things then four things....

I also practiced saying it in a mirror to myself. and writing it out.

Did the therapist guide you in this? I have a little girl who want to just start talking. We are all trying to settle down so she can but I think she will just burst with thoughts. One of my concerns is the she will flood us with too much information. She is little and I am not sure she will have the insight to go slowly. I think this is one of the reasons we are so concerned with the emotions attached with the events. I don't know what happened and won't until she lets us know.

one thing about DID is that the memories, feelings traumatic events are held away from the host until the host is ready to handle it...that doesnt mean the host believes they are ready... it means this is how the brain works... when someone cant handle something the brain causes the person to dissociate... dissociation is a normal reaction to stress, trauma, anxiety and even things like boredom, entertainment...

when alters start sharing feelings/emotions/trauma/events that have been held away from the host and other alters that means the host and other alters have healed to the point where they are ready to handle that sharing of information...

its going to seem like being flooded and seem like its overwhelming and seem like you cant handle it because your brain has kept you from feeling and knowing about it...

my therapist explained it to me like this....when a person who has lived in a desert moves to the antarctic what happens is at first that person feels they cant handle the cold. they have been sheltered in heat so long that they are not used to feeling cold...but given time what happens...the person adjusts to the cold climate....when they go back tot he desert for a visit what happens....the person cant believe they lived for so long in the desert heat and it is overwhelming because they are now acclimated to the cold. but after some time in the desert they are back to enjoying the desert again and when they go back to the antarctic it takes a bit of time (not as long as the first time) to get acclimated to the cold, then they go back to visit in the desert and it takes a shorter amount of time to get used to the desert again.....

her point was after going so long with not knowing and not feeling, not sharing, being able to do so with those we were able to develop limited amount of co consciousness with is going to seem like I cant handle it but over time my body and mind will automatically aclimate itself and each time the alters share something it gets easier and easier... and she was right...it was hard for a bit but it got easier and easier.

my body and mind were ready for it even though my thoughts about is were unsure, afraid for whats to come. theres no going back to not knowing, not sharing once it starts so my thought adjusted right along with the process.

just keep working with your treatment providers, they will help you get through this part of healing as you go along.

Did my therapist guide me..well that depends on what you mean by guide me...a therapist cant be do anything about the co consciousness.. co consciousness is something that happens inside.. its not like for example someone who is a mountain guide showing the way and making sure the client stays on the marked trail....

sometimes with co consciousness its off road, off trail. theres no right and wrong way, theres no doing it the therapists way or the clients way...the sharing of memories, feelings, trauma and events is going to happen how ever its supposed to happen according to how ever your own internal system, and healing process is..

my therapist put it this way..."you and I are like riders on the backs of eagles, we are here just for the ride, sometimes the eagle is going to swoop, dive and swerve, coming in for landings and take offs, and sometimes resting in the nest. there may even be a few close calls as the eagle gets too close to the ridges, cliffs and tall pines. I can hold you, I can listen and I can help you understand, but its the eagle that is the guide. its the eagle showing you the way, showing you the sights, sounds visions from the past. our part as passenger is listen and not try to control the eagle. the eagle is wild there is no taming it, it will do what it wants to do. all we can do is hold on and hear what the eagle is trying to tell us or let go, fall off her back and we crash to the ground as the eagle continues to fly."

her point was whats going to happen is going to happen we cant control that, what we can control is how we react. we can accept whats happening and understand it or we can fight it, end up harming ourselves, or worse.

For me I chose not to fight the eagle. I chose to honor the eagle with my ears and eyes, let the eagle show the way, and try to understand what it was showing / telling me. and my therapist was there to listen, hold me and be there with me as I sat with all the eagle was showing/telling me.

compromising with parts. is different than compromising them. compromising with them is seeing if the outside can help the insider feel more safe to talk about it. it can be making a safe plan to talk so you and her know its ok to talk abou it. It can be making a plan about how to talk about it - writing, drawing, talking out loud, whispering it, then saying it a little louder till it feels safe enough. some people like to wear a mask while talking so it isn't them saying it, those are just some ideas I heard about. but the important thing is to find a way to talk so it isn't so overwhelming. also talking with t about how they can help you if you do get overwhelmed. what you and rachel can both agree to to make it easier. wish you well.