Self Sabotage?

For some reason, everytime I try to express what I am going through or feeling to someone or on a forum(like this) something shuts off the connection to my memory. I start forgetting how to type, what I was going to say, I become drained of energy, etc).

I dont understand what or why this is, but it makes it extremely difficult to communicate anything. Something is forcing my mind to shut down to deter me from doing something.

Also, there is always a battle/argument going on with someone else in my mind. Every time I try positive thinking, its immediately shot down by a negative voice who then takes control of my mind. At the same time, when I think negative, a female voice always tries to counter-act the statement, which turns into an argument about semantics and intellectualism.

I feel split, but not that there are two distinct identities that come out in real life. But my brain is completely undecided and lost all the time. 'It' doesnt know what it wants, and sometimes blocks me from doing certain things.

If this is another me manifesting, I think I will call it Command & Control, because it certainly feels that way.

Other people experience this phenomena?

here where I live and work setting out to write or type something and then at the moment of doing so forget what you wanted to say/type/write is called "writers block" its called that here because many artists/authors go through this when they are trying to work on their books, paintings, artwork....writers block is not considered to be a symptom of any mental or physical health problem here in New York. its considered to be a completely normal form of forgetfulness, similar to someone forgetting to take their keys and accidentally locking their keys in the car, forgetting where you put things down and other normal forms of forgetfulness.

for some people though if their forgetfulness is over the course of their daily living/functioning as a whole not centered only on one thing it can be their way of self sabotaging.. example I went through a period where no matter what I was doing I would forget things.. normal forms of forgetfulness like my books, cant find my pen, cant find my purse, cant find the time to do my homework...through working with my therapist it was discovered I was having PTSD symptoms from a trauma of being with a client when she was killed. my body and mind were sabotaging anything to do with my going to work, my going to class, because I was afraid, having nightmares and flashbacks.

sometimes I will have normal forms of forgetfulness on the day of my therapy sessions because I dont want to go that day. I fight through it though because usually when I dont want to go to therapy thats when I need it the most even though my body and mind are fighting it.

my depression and bipolar symptoms also come with forgetfulness, fatigue, and other negative feelings. when this happens I call my treatment providers and we make changes to my meds which usually corrects the problem.

when my eating disorder was a problem I had memory problems and tired/exhausted any time I tried to do even the simplest things. my doctors did tests and it turned out I was anemic, and not getting enough sleep, fluids and nutrition.

sometimes I would have conversations in my head that were negative, trying to control my thoughts...my treatment providers called it an introject, and internal commentator. some locations call this the internal judge, critic or the adult mind.

my point is that there are many different things that forgetfulness, exhaustion / lack of energy and voices in the head can be.

since we cant make a diagnosis of whats going on with in you my suggestion is contact your treatment providers they can tell you what is going on with in you.

i cant relate with the whole memory shut down when u try to open up...but i can relate to the constant arguing in the head thing!
it doesnt matter how hard you try to stay positive they constantly shut you down like ur worth nothing...ur purely an ant to them, they're the human. all i can say is that it gets very tiering. Especially when they talk crap about ur family and there is nothing really u can do but tell them to shut up, which doesn't always work. I'm sorry i dont have anything useful to tell u...all i can say is i relate...still trying to come to terms with things myself. Its very hard to put up with the constant chatter going on.

If i find anything useful to say i shall let u know hah

Good luck to u!

Taking medication helped me with the nonstop cross talk in my head. It wasn't until I started taking medication that I was able to slow everything down. Now when someone is saying something mean about each other or someone outside I can discuss it with them instead of having everyone responding at once. It took a while to get to this point but we work with each other most of the time now.

Very clearly a trigger to some emotional experience. This is an emotion forum. Does it happen when your typing in other less emotional ares.

i find meditation helps me a lot...some nice soothing music even. u just try to pay attention to the instruments rather than the chatter going on. it helps and i find i am way more relaxed then i was before after i come out of it. guided mediations is what i use...maybe you could try that? or even with any type of music...just focusing on the instruments being used, ur mind is occuppied that way!

and good on u for the perseverance!