[Orangina88]

This evening, I switched into my alter Michelle.

My boyfriend whom I am living with, had a band practice at night, he asked me if it was okay to go. But that he wouldnt if i was very sick. He has been looking after me for a loooooong time cuz of my switching. I am very sick. And he left. Cuz he really needed to to something for himself. He is also bipolar. I think that because of hes descicion of leaving all though he said no, I switched.
I cutt myself og arms an legs. And he came running up i shock. I hate Michelle he tried to hold me for my own safety, and michelle hit him cuz he held my wounded arm, hurts. Michelle also called him an Ego. At that he was dumb. Something I could NEVER say!!! i feel so heartbroken!!!! i cannot control my switching,and it breaks my heart.

When i came back to myself, i startet to cry hysterically. Cuz i could remember parts of what happened. I only want whats best for my love.

Before he left he said he loved me, and never going to leave me. he repeated that several times. When he left i cried even more. I hate my alters!!!! I am so sad right now....could use some support..

I love my boy, and he me... but i am tired..

[winter4me]

Do you have professional help also or are you guys handling all this on your own?
Both trying hard & you've some awareness of "switching"---sounds like it was really hard to let him go...but important to be able----for both, to come and to go, give and take----Sometimes it is much harder with the awareness----no neat split that protects one from the other--and yet, that shift is somewhere on the road home and is the only way to gain the control you want and need.
What do you do for you?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Orangina88

This evening, I switched into my alter Michelle.

My boyfriend whom I am living with, had a band practice at night, he asked me if it was okay to go. But that he wouldnt if i was very sick. He has been looking after me for a loooooong time cuz of my switching. I am very sick. And he left. Cuz he really needed to to something for himself. He is also bipolar. I think that because of hes descicion of leaving all though he said no, I switched.
I cutt myself og arms an legs. And he came running up i shock. I hate Michelle he tried to hold me for my own safety, and michelle hit him cuz he held my wounded arm, hurts. Michelle also called him an Ego. At that he was dumb. Something I could NEVER say!!! i feel so heartbroken!!!! i cannot control my switching,and it breaks my heart.

When i came back to myself, i startet to cry hysterically. Cuz i could remember parts of what happened. I only want whats best for my love.

Before he left he said he loved me, and never going to leave me. he repeated that several times. When he left i cried even more. I hate my alters!!!! I am so sad right now....could use some support..

I love my boy, and he me... but i am tired..

what kind of support are you looking for...

I ask this because this is online...we are not in your home with you. Online the word support has a very limited meaning...especially in situations where the poster has posted they have harmed their self....

all we can do is

read your post.
those that feel they are in a good place with their own problems tonight may or may not be able to post back to you.
some if they are comfortable giving hugs to complete strangers online may or may not click on the hugs button.
those of us who may be self injurers may or may not post telling you about our own problems with alters that self injure...but sometimes posting about our own self injury to let a poster know they are not alone may end up pushing the one needing our support over the edge into harming their self more...

but thats all we can really do for each other in the way of support..

so I find the best way I can support someone who is posting they recently harmed their self is to suggest they contact their own treatment providers ie their therapist, their medical doctor, their psychiatrist, go to the Emergency room...so that the poster can get the real time (off line) support and health care that is needed during a crisis like this...online isnt supposed to take the place of your own treatment options and treatment providers...

Now that I have posted you know someone is reading what you wrote..

with out details because I dont want to cause you more problems...I h ad alters that were self injurers/suicidal...my own treatment providers and I handled those situations with my going inpatient into the hospital mental ward until the treatment team and I were assured I and my alters were stable and knew they had to be safe and any further self injury or suicidal actions would result in inpatient treatment again. this is how my location and treatment providers deal with this kind of thing.

there is a gray box at the bottom of the page that Doc John has supplied us with that contain crisis phone numbers for such times as what you are going through. that gray box of information has come in handy for me many times..

[jax01]

If I could, I would say something really supportive. but I just dont see where I have any where to go with your post. I can say I understand what it's like to cut and be cut by alters, and have alters abuse people you care about. As well as what it's like watch helplessly from inside as an alter wreaks havok, and as one methodicaly prepares to commit suicide. somthing happened and got control back at the last second.
it's the reason I hang on so tight. but this isn't aobut me.
amandalouise covered all the bases as far as getting in contact with your therapist, or Dr. or whatever kind of psyc. help you have. I you haven't, you need to. they need to know. And said the one thing I can say for sure, already.
the first thing you have to work on is stability. and you need to get some communication inside. Your alts need to know it's not okay to behave this way, and that they are hurting everyone. Not just you. not just your BF.
that made a difference for one of my "problem" alts. when they found out they were hurting and scaring young ones, it upset them.
If I have learned one thing, it's that alters are not just single sided. there's more to them than just the attitude you see most often. there are reasons for why they behave the wat they do. but they don't always understand "the big picture", they don't know allways know everything you know(and vise versa), or that what they do effects all of you.
if your not in therapy, you need to be. and if you are you need to tell your T everything that's happening. And you need to get some communication happening inside. alters aren't inhuman monsters. they aren't machines built to destroy. they have feelings, wants,and needs, and quite often in my case they have been scared and confused children.
but just being scared and confused is enough.
I hope you working things out. I have heard that hospital stays can be an opportunity to focus on getting things straightened out, without having everyday life distracting you. that it can be a real turning point. I can't say that from experience, but it's what I've heard.
It's something to consider.
I wish you the best.

jax

[monarch_butterfly]

First sending you hugs. I too recomend talking to your therapist ASAP. And i have a boyfriend. We get along super well. I attribute it to the fact we are completely honest with each other and talk about everything including my dissociation ect. Although he doesn't always understand at least its out in the open. I have not told him about the girl in my head but will soon. Anyway communication is key!

[cryingoutloud1]

I use to cut but don't anymore. it takes time to find other ways to cope with things. Do you know what triggered her? may be you should try and take away the sharps and dangerous objects if you are self-injuring. however you can always by more. what was the consequence for self harming? Is there any positive reinforcement you can do for her for not si.
I found selfharm does not get you anywhere. No one really cares beause you are only hurting yourself physically. Emotionally it sounds like your hurting your bf. How is he copeing with all this? That is alot for someoen to deal with to see someoen they care about hurt themselves.

[Rvnmpd]

Originally Posted by Orangina88

This evening, I switched into my alter Michelle.

My boyfriend whom I am living with, had a band practice at night, he asked me if it was okay to go. But that he wouldnt if i was very sick. He has been looking after me for a loooooong time cuz of my switching. I am very sick. And he left. Cuz he really needed to to something for himself. He is also bipolar. I think that because of hes descicion of leaving all though he said no, I switched.
I cutt myself og arms an legs. And he came running up i shock. I hate Michelle he tried to hold me for my own safety, and michelle hit him cuz he held my wounded arm, hurts. Michelle also called him an Ego. At that he was dumb. Something I could NEVER say!!! i feel so heartbroken!!!! i cannot control my switching,and it breaks my heart.

When i came back to myself, i startet to cry hysterically. Cuz i could remember parts of what happened. I only want whats best for my love.

Before he left he said he loved me, and never going to leave me. he repeated that several times. When he left i cried even more. I hate my alters!!!! I am so sad right now....could use some support..

I love my boy, and he me... but i am tired..

Of course you fear abandonment. It is almost harder to believe someone loves you. Often love and abuse in the personal experience get reversed. Thus love is dangerous. But not if you get rid of him before the percieved abandonement. Be careful to the extent you can not to create the sition that causes the very thing you fear to happen. Love is not familiar to wud be my guess. Why wud it b. rvn