I need insight into possible DP, Please help!

Hello,

So I have been struggling with symptoms that in some ways resemble DP and in other ways do not. I have been struggling for months now to figure out exactly what is going on with me because sometimes I feel completely lost and at times wish I could end it all. I feel like I am constantly battling myself in my own head, but I have no idea what I am battling myself about. I have developed this intense introspection in this time and I have basically become scared of myself and my own existence. I just can not get out of my own head no matter what I am doing. I have this strong pervasive sense that something is wrong with me and I feel like I am in self-destruct mode. I have become so hyperaware of my being, my thoughts, my overall consciousness, this has become my life. This has led inevitably to who am I type ruminations that carry on incessantly. Of course, as a result I have lost a certain extent of who I was prior to this. I have Pure-O OCD that in many ways has escalated greatly in recent years (I was kind of ignorant to this, but after my introspection, I realize just how pervasive it was) so I am inclined to hyperawareness already and sometimes I wonder if I have really been like this the whole time I just never took a hard look at it as I have now.

I DON'T have any strong sensations of unreality or feeling like I am lost in space and time as I see occurs so often with this condition. I never get any feelings of physical detachment I also still feel fairly integrated and I still do have some sense of who I am, it's just I feel so incredibly trapped in my own mind, and I tear myself apart mentally. I can't enjoy life the way I use to. I often wonder if this is just Pure-O gone completely out of control in conjunction with depression or if DP is really playing a role here. I have been working with my psychologist, but I feel he maybe a little confused about this himself, I'm not sure. Does anyone have any insights into this? I often tell myself this experience is unique to me because I have a hard time finding things people say that I can connect with. Please any insights would be helpful

Im sorry but we cant tell you what is going on in you, whether what you are feeling is DP (assuming where you are DP stands for depersonalization since you posted this in the dissociative boards) or any other condition/disease/disorder....

what we can tell you is whether we have had the same symptoms and what our own treatment providers called it in our selves....

from your post....I feel completely lost and at times wish I could end it all -

in me my treatment providers called this depression, bipolar disorder, suicidal, sleep deprived, medication problems

from your post....I feel like I am constantly battling myself in my own head, but I have no idea what I am battling myself about. I have developed this intense introspection in this time and I have basically become scared of myself and my own existence. I just can not get out of my own head no matter what I am doing. -

in me my treatment providers called this OCD, intrusive thoughts, suicidal, sleep deprived, medication problems, mania, depression and bipolar disorder.

from your post ...I have this strong pervasive sense that something is wrong with me and I feel like I am in self-destruct mode.

in me my treatment providers called this depression, stress, PTSD, manic, suicidal, delusions, obsessive thoughts, intrusive thoughts, OCD, anger issues,

from your post.....I have become so hyperaware of my being, my thoughts, my overall consciousness, this has become my life. This has led inevitably to who am I type ruminations that carry on incessantly. Of course, as a result I have lost a certain extent of who I was prior to this. I have Pure-O OCD that in many ways has escalated greatly in recent years (I was kind of ignorant to this, but after my introspection, I realize just how pervasive it was) so I am inclined to hyperawareness already and sometimes I wonder if I have really been like this the whole time I just never took a hard look at it as I have now.

in me my treatment providers called this OCD, intrusive thoughts, PTSD, Manic, depression, bipolar disorder,

from your post...I DON'T have any strong sensations of unreality or feeling like I am lost in space and time as I see occurs so often with this condition. I never get any feelings of physical detachment I also still feel fairly integrated and I still do have some sense of who I am,

here where I am in New York which is in the USA these statements would knock out the diagnosis's of dissociative disorders because here where I live and work dissociation/dissociative disorders are when a person is feeling the opposite... the person doesnt feel connected, reality testing remains in tact but they feel unreal as in feeling numb, disconnected from their environment and those around them, ...

from your post....it's just I feel so incredibly trapped in my own mind, and I tear myself apart mentally.

in me my treatment providers call this intrusive thoughts, depression, internal dialogue, being critical of one self, knocking oneself down, introverted, bipolar disorder symptoms, berating one self, self abuse, PTSD, delusional, hallucinations, and many other terms/diagnosis depending upon what the cause is

from your post....I can't enjoy life the way I use to.

in me my treatment providers call this depression, grief, stress, bipolar disorder, ptsd, medication problems, sleep deprived and many other things depending upon whats going on in my life and body at the time.

from your post...I often wonder if this is just Pure-O gone completely out of control in conjunction with depression or if DP is really playing a role here.

only you and your treatment provider can answer this

my suggestion continue working with your treatment provider, it may take time but they are the ones that can help you discover what is going on with in you.

I used to think that the things in my head were unique to me until I was diagnosed and came to this site. Knowing other people had similar thoughts helped me to accept my diagnosis. You haven't mentioned if you go to a therapist. I think that should be the first step. There are so many things that could be the cause of what you described. You also didn't mention if you take medication. I wasn't keen on medication until it helped me to slow down my compulsive thinking and my anxiety. Between the two I was frantic all the time. Now when I experience derealization and depersonalization I don't go into a complete panic. I can think more clearly and that helps me to work through it. I hope you find out what's going on but I think you need to talk to a therapist first.