[foghat18]

So I have a 15 year old part that has not communicated with me directly but has emailed and been in session with my T. First the issue of self-harm came up and has (hopefully) been negotiated that there will be no more harm to the body. Now she wants to have sex. I am not in a relationship but she did mention my ex to my T. How in the world do I handle this. It has just been within the last month that I was diagnosed, but have been trying to find the answer for years...
Now that I have it I wish I had stopped looking.

[Claritytoo]

She may be able to hearyou. Maybe you can talk with her and get to know her. It wasn't that easy for me to do at first because it was difficult to tell everyone apart, but now I am able to feel the alter and know who is there. Not with everyone but with the ones who talk the most. Getting to know my others better has helped how we do things.

[foghat18]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

She may be able to hearyou. Maybe you can talk with her and get to know her. It wasn't that easy for me to do at first because it was difficult to tell everyone apart, but now I am able to feel the alter and know who is there. Not with everyone but with the ones who talk the most. Getting to know my others better has helped how we do things.

I have tried to respond through email, in my head and out loud. i received an inappropriate response via email. She even uses my email account to communicate. I am just not aware of her besides what she has told the T, which is limited.
She told my T that listening is what she wanted me to do but I have no idea how I am screwing that up either.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by foghat18

So I have a 15 year old part that has not communicated with me directly but has emailed and been in session with my T. First the issue of self-harm came up and has (hopefully) been negotiated that there will be no more harm to the body. Now she wants to have sex. I am not in a relationship but she did mention my ex to my T. How in the world do I handle this. It has just been within the last month that I was diagnosed, but have been trying to find the answer for years...
Now that I have it I wish I had stopped looking.

since your alter is talking to your therapist, and your therapist is the one treating you, it would be best for you to handle it how ever your therapist thinks best.

the way my therapist and I handled alters that were doing negative things was for me to understand my alters were there to do their job, purpose, reason for being. in this case to have sex and self injure. just like I had no control over what my best friend does with her body I had no control over what my alters do when they are in control of my body. they were there for a reason other wise I would not have created them. when the alters were self injuring my therapist would hospitalize me until the inpatient treatment providers said I (the alters) was no longer a danger to myself or other. other than that we made sure there were plenty of condoms around and I got tested regularly and frequently for std's and other problems that can come from being intimate with people I didnt know.

again only you and your treatment providers can say how best for you to handle whats going on with in your body and internal system of alters.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by foghat18

I have tried to respond through email, in my head and out loud. i received an inappropriate response via email. She even uses my email account to communicate. I am just not aware of her besides what she has told the T, which is limited.
She told my T that listening is what she wanted me to do but I have no idea how I am screwing that up either.

You are not screwing that up. You have to give yourself a break. This is new to you and it takes time to understand the way in which you and your alters communicate. I think it is important that she told your t she wants you to listen. If you are willing to listen let her know that. When I was trying to figure how to talk with my alters I started by talking out loud to myself. I didn't know if anyone of my alters could hear me but after doing this for awhile I began to get responses through thought. It was odd because I had always heard the thoughts but I never realized the thoughts belonged to different alters. And that is how we all communicated. Learning how we communicated helped me to understand my system better.

[Luce]

I second what Clarity said. You can try to keep on talking to her, even if it doesn't seem like she can hear you. The key is to just keep trying.
Doing that has worked for me in the past, when trying to reach alters I had no communication with. I would just keep talking as though they could hear me... both out loud and inside my head. I kept inviting them to communicate with me and gave them lots of opportunities and ways of doing so. It always worked *eventually*... though most often not as soon as I would have liked!
In my own experience me being open to *whatever* they had to say was a key factor as well. If they sensed I wasn't really willing to hear what they wanted to tell me, then most often it seemed they really weren't willing to tell me anything. Fair enough too really.

[foghat18]

Thank you all. I know there is a long journey ahead. I have talked about it with my T and she communicated with him last night. T tried to explain but wasnt sure if the message got through. I am trying to stay hopeful and I am trying to be more open.
No agreement was made, she wouldnt commit either way. I dont know how to give on this one.

[foghat18]

Evidently she is able to hear me, but I cannot hear her. Her and another alter both told my T something along the lines of they can hear/see even when not in control unless it is something that they can't hear. Which I, of course, do not understand. The 15 yr old goes from being helpful to well, being a moody 15 year old.
We do not have many details yet on the alters that have presented but my T says they are all like me, or how I was at that age. Is this common? I have read research and blogs and forums and books... but at this point i cannot even communicate with them.

[Meisjes]

alters can be personalities that have totally become like a different person - they don't want to/can't be like the host so have taken on a completely different personality. Hope that makes sense. Or they can have similar personalities to the host but have different ages. There may be other ways to have insiders too.

Once you are aware of an alter, that part is also more aware of you, that is how they can hear/see what is going on. Mine sometimes sit on the outskirts of my visiual, watching what is going on around them. if they are asleep and wake up they don't know what has changed/happened while they were asleep. If I'm aware of this, I will usually give them the info.

When I leave for work, I'll say goodbye, see you later, as I'm closing the door. This doesn't mean they don't come with me to work. it just means that I am the one in charge while at work. I don't tell them about my work,or the people I work with, especially the littles. My insiders see what I'm doing but don't have access so I can stay me. This is important because of the community I live in - to protect myself. Also they wouldn't always know how to handle the situations. But it takes time and practice to find out what works with you and yours so be patient and don't force anything with them or yourself. Be your own best friend makes a lot of sense here - Be your insiders best friend.