New and in need of some advice

Hi,

I tried to post this when I joined, but it seems to have vanished? Or is still in moderation I guess. I don't know. Please someone tell me if it's not OK to post this here.

OK, so I think I may have a dissociative disorder of some sort. I occasionally lose time, find I have written/done/bought things which I don't remember doing. Never lost time for more than a few hours and it's not a regular occurrence.

I often feel like I am more than one person. I can visualise these other me's, some of them have names. I talk to them. But, I am always aware that they are simply another aspect of me, if that makes sense. More often I feel like I am outside myself, watching myself do/say things. At these times it feels like I have no ability to intervene. It rarely bothers me at the time, but does later when I am 'myself' again.

Not sure if I am explaining any of this very well. Anyway, I realise that some/all of this could be to do with my other issues. Such as body dysmorphia, PTSD and anxiety.

So, what I need advice on is how to bring this up with my doctor. She knows I dissociate sometimes but we have never talked about it in detail. Does anyone have any good tips for how to start this conversation? Particularly as when I have tried in the past I have become very anxious, dissociated and ended up telling her I am fine and just a bit anxious.

Any help is appreciated.

Thanks.

Milli
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There have been times when during therapy I was unable to find the words to describe something I was experiencing. What has helped me is coping what I posted or emailing the copy to my t. I include in the email for her to bring it up at session because usually I won't remember. This has worked well. It addresses questions and issues that others have and I might not be aware. It also has encouraged others to talk during session. Often some of my alters post here. I will sometimes find a posting that I don't recall writing. By giving the post to my t it enabled her to discuss concerns that my other have. I think this has encouraged them to feel comfortable at session. They often talk more than I do. Maybe you should consider coping your post and having your t read it.

your profile says you live in the UK. I live in New York State which is in the USA. what that boils down to is that your location probably does things a bit differently where symptoms and mental disorders are concerned. Here in the USA Americans have the freedom to bring up anything they want to with their treatment providers in any ways that they are comfortable doing..

I have been a part of the mental health system as a receiver of mental health services since I was a child, I grew up with the understanding that its best to talk about how Im feeling and what goes on with in me. As a result I am very open and honest with my treatment providers whether its face to face during sessions and during phone sessions.

my suggestion...you know yourself and your treatment providers and whats what with your mental health system where you are...so you are the only one that can say what is a good way for you to tell your treatment providers whats going on with in you.. Also what is acceptable here in the USA may not be acceptable where you are...

for example

I know someone who is in their late 20's and is able to talk about things only after they have had drank some alcoholic beverages like beer, wine, mixed drinks. That may not be acceptable where you are but here in the USA that is acceptable with some treatment providers here in the USA, as long as the person is over the age of 21.

I know a few people that use drugs (prescription and otherwise) to help relax their self/mellow out/ chill before they can talk with their treatment providers. and again some places and with some treatment providers. for example in the USA this is perfectly acceptable with the drug marijuana depending upon if that state has the medical marijuana program due to the client having anxiety, cancer or other mental and medical health issues that got them approved..

I know many who can discuss their problems/symptoms/thoughts to their treatment providers only when they are in the hospital mental health unit, where they can be assured that if they explode/let it out they are somewhere safe, where they cant harm their self or others..

I know someone that uses art as a form of communication with their treatment providers. In some locations and with some treatment providers this is not an accepted form of communication because it may involve very graphic/porn type drawings, sculptures, photos, videos, books, magazines,.....

I know many that use their journalistic talents of writing letters, essays, autobiographies, spoofs of what they need to communicate to their treatment providers.

I know many that use their acting talents like roll playing, to communicate with their treatment providers.

I know some that use sign language to communicate their thoughts and symptoms to their treatment providers.

I know some that use the therapeutic technique called play therapy and word association with thier treatment providers to communicate with their treatment providers...

my point is only you know what you can and cant do in order to get your thoughts/symptoms/problems communicated to your treatment providers..Just think about how you are most comfortable in doing so and then give it a try. it that way doesnt work then try another and another and keep trying until you are talking about what ever it is you need to discuss and work on with your treatment providers.

may I also caution anyone that is reading this post before you try any of the ways in this post you may want to consult your own treatment providers on whether some of these ways are legal or illegal in your own locations. what I posted in this post is acceptable for my own location and treatment providers here where I live and work. But may not be in your own locations.

Hi, thanks for your responses. I don't have email address for my doctor but I may try printing off what I wrote here and sending it in/taking it with me.

Milli
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hi Milli, i am in the UK ,
if you find it difficult to tell this to your doc then may i suggest you write a letter to him/her. put in it all the things you wrote in the post at the begining, also put in that you request to be referred to your local CMHT (community mental health team) with the aim of being assessed by a psychologist/psychiatrist.
if this does not get a response then you can always call your local Adult services and request a self referral to be assessed by a psychologist/psychiatrist.

whenever i have important stuff to say/ask at a meeting with my medical or care team i always write it in a letter then hand it to them at the start of the meeting. they always seem pretty impressed by this as it helps them shape the rest of the meeting to best meet my needs.

i hope this helps

I think that is a good idea. Your original post is an honest and straight forward discription of what it is on your mind now. I think if you bring a copy and have your t read it, you will both have a good starting point for your session. Good luck with everything.

Sometimes talking can be very difficult. Depending on the subject, of course. Using myself as an example, (as I am the worlds leading expert on myself) I was unable to speak about issues concerning gender. If I got sneaky with myself and tried to blurt something out suddenly, I would suddenly find I couldn't remember what I was trying to talk about. The thing was I really needed to get these things out. It took years before I managed to speak about it. No exaggeration.
I have caused myself problems now and then, by tying to rush therapy. I want things fixed. Now, if not sooner. My T advised me not to try not to try to make it happen. When I was ready. It would come. It did. Eventually. It's still hard to do.

Short version- sometimes we can't do things for our own good. Like speak about certain subjects, or remember certain events. I am not saying not to try. The fact you feel it's important means it is important. But stick to things you feel comfortable with. If writting works for you, write. Or draw pictures. Or use sock puppets. Whatever works as long as you are comfortable with it.

Thank you for your advice and support. I am feeling a bit better now and have printed off a copy of my original post to take with me to my appointment. I don't have a t at the moment, but I am going to be asking my doctor for a referral. Will let you all know how I get on.

Milli

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good to hear.
since April, doctors hold the purse strings which used to be held by the PCT, so referrals shouild not take so long. I know where i am the new 'consortium' is ploughing more money into talking therapy and less into the CMHT to combat the long waiting times for therapy. lets hope your area is too.x

Hi,

I am now not seeing my doctor until next week but they should have got and read my letter by then, so hopefully we will be able to get the ball rolling with a referral. I shall hope that my area is doing something similar in regards mental health funding! Certainly the last time I was referred it took a long time to get anywhere and actually see somebody and I really think I need help now.

Thanks for your response.

Milli
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that's ok if you have any questions re benefits, the care system or around getting the help you need let me know/PM me, i am pretty well informed with many contacts in my role as director for a disability charity
I have experience of the mental health system, direct payments, hiring and firing carers/PAs, writing support plans and much more as i have dissociative motor disorder myself and qualified as a support broker earlier this year. I am also an advocate too!

Thank you yellowted!

I may well take you up on that at some point, as and when it becomes necessary.

Your support and advice is really appreciated.

Milli

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