[Gemstone]

I didn't really know where to put this. I though about putting it in Survivors of Abuse but I think it belongs here more.

I have a real problem having my picture taken and not dissociating. Some of my abuse involved having bad pictures and videos taken of me. Now whenever my picture is taken I am triggered. I try to avoid having pictures taken, and I haven't had one taken in several years now. The last one was taken because I had a job that required it, and before that it was for my drivers license.

Some of you know that I am getting married in October. I know I will have my picture taken, and I really want to remain aware. Its my day and I want to enjoy it and not float off. And I want it to be me in the pictures.

I am talking about this in t, but I wondered if any of you have any ideas. Does anyone else have this problem?

(((((((( Gem )))))))))

Can you get someone you know and feel comfortable with to take some "practice" pics?

Get all dressed up and have your friend take some "pre-wedding" shots.

Maybe you can start now, like everyday have C or a friend take some fun shots of you with Salem. Outside in the park or something...start small.

Go by the church and take pics...just sitting on the steps goofing off or something.

I know you are the one behind the camera (and take gorgeous shots BTW) but maybe you and C can make it fun.

Maybe it will desensitize you a bit and it will help let go of the fear so you can enjoy your day and not think of it.

[Rhapsody]

While I do not have this problem with having my picture taken - I can understand why you dissociate when the flash goes off..... you are reacting as normal as possible to a past traumatizing situation that evolved degrading photos of you.
Keep talking with your T about the up coming event (your wedding) and see what you two come up with.... and maybe someone on here has went through a similar situation and can then give positive feed back for you to use.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

.... Just wanted to let you know that I cared and understand.

[Gemstone]

Behind the camera isn't a problem. Its just in front that triggers.

We have been trying to take photos in t but they always trigger. t is trying to work with everyone on it.

Its probably a good idea to try outside of t. Maybe C and I can go this weekend and try. One of my good friends is the photographer for the wedding so maybe I can get her to come and practice.

It would be cool to have a picture of me and C with Salem all dressed up.

I think having pictures taken in T would be more triggering?

Try to have fun, Gem. I know this is major.

I'm so glad your friend is the photographer. Maybe she could help get a formal pic done before the big day.

Plus, I'm the bouquet so I'll help you out.

[Monty_girl]

Gem,
I'm sorry, I so truely understand. Experienced the same kind of abuse. Still can not do vidoe. Just can't go there. Can you let everyone know inside that this is a special day and that the person your marrying is going to be there to help you. Just let them know that they won't let anyone hurt you and you'll be safe.

[Gemstone]

I think it was more triggering in t. And they weren't even real pictures. It was just the flash going off.

I'll go out this weekend and try to have some fun with it.

I'm trying to get everyone inside ready for the day too. I really want it to go smoothly.

I'm sorry you understand Monty_girl. I wont even attempt video. Another fear of mine is that some of the stuff is still out there somewhere. I worry about that a lot.

(((( Gem ))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( Gem )))))))))))))

[Monty_girl]

OMGish that is such a big fear for me as well. An abuser of mine was a computer programmer. And fear that the pics and video are out there somewhere. But I can't go looking for it. What would I say? I'm looking for pics of myself as a child? I wish that there was some way of knowing that they weren't out there for ppl to see. It's like I'm still being abused. It's like every pic or video is a piece of me that's been stolen. It's not just that the step-f took pics and all, but the fact that he would take me to other friends of his and they took their own pics. It's not fair! I wish that there was some way to know that the pics weren't out there. I think it would give you and I both peace to know that they weren't out there.

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((Gem))))))))))) I have the same. I'm so sorry you do as well. I don't have any advice but I hope you are able to find a solution for your special day.

[Gemstone]

It's like I'm still being abused. It's like every pic or video is a piece of me that's been stolen.

I know what you mean.

Its a scary thought that the stuff is still out there, but like you I can't go looking.

{{{{{ Everyone who is hurting }}}}}}}

[allthegirls6]

Gem,

This makes me want to jump up and down and get the people who did this. I hope that your wedding is not spoiled as a result of this. My advice to you is the same as Petunias, go out with a camera and try haing some fun. Oh please let us know how you get on with this

[allthegirls6]

How are you getting on with this gem

[Gemstone]

I tried to go out today and take some pictures, but it didn't turn out well. Its just so scary for everyone inside.

I guess this fear was created over a long period of time and it will take some time to break it. I will keep working at it.

I wont let it ruin my wedding. I just wont.

[allthegirls6]

We are right behind you on this gem. Chin up and best foot forward. Anyway, we all want to see your pretty pics!

[Gemstone]

Sigh. Still trying to work on this. Less than a month to go.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( Gemstones )))))))))))))))

[allthegirls6]

Gem,

I just know its all going to come good for you

You're gonna get through this Gem. And you will be a beautiful bride. We all are sending positive vibes.