[lemon80s]

Hi folks,

I started therapy a few months ago and recently T and I realized I have this very bad habit. My initial 'diagnosis' was PTSD (but not with the anxiety and stuff) and Alexithymia. I just barely ever feel something and find it very hard to know what I feel. I don't get excited much, nor do I get sad or angry.

Anyhow, the bad habit - that really is super obvious now that T pointed it out is that I just 'fog my mind'. Like, a gazillion times a day when I think about something I should do for myself or when I talk about myself or anything to do with the 'core me'. I just get tired, am convinced I need to sleep or rest and just numb my mind with endless watching TV or other mindless entertainment. It's caused me a lot of frustration because there are a lot of things I wanna do in life, but I am so stuck in this habit. It's crazy how you can do something like that to yourself without knowing it though. Viewing myself as intelligent and self aware and then only now realizing I do this. It's awesome that I figured out I do this now though I guess. It alleviates some of the frustration over being so stuck.

Today in session T paid attention to when I did it and tried to snap me out of it, and I noticed I got really anxious. It's the first time I'm ever even trying to get out of it since I only realized I do it recently and im 28 lol. The anxiety was scary cus I am mostly so numb I don't get anxious like that so quickly.

So, I don't feel like there's different versions of me, though I guess there's the one where I am crystal clear and functioning on a super high lever with work and social contact and then there's the me that sits around doing nothing and not caring much about anything. But I never felt like they were two different me's. So.. is this something like dissociative behavior or not? I guess I should have asked T. She only said it's a 'common psychological thing' that people who had a bad childhood like me sometimes get into the habit of doing.

Sorry for the long ramble. Just looking for answers!

Edit: Oh, I also just have very bad memory. People always tell me I said something when I don't remember. But I never understood that, just decided to blame it on my lack of care for such trivialities. But to be fair, it's a LOT of stuff I don't really remember. Guess I am in the fog a lot.

[Claritytoo]

I realized several years ago that tv was like an anesthetic for me. I would watch tv and my mind would go to sleep. So I stopped watching tv. It was a lot harder than I thought. So I would walk, ride my bike, kayak or read when ever I thought about watching tv. I also got rid of cable. It was like I woke up from a deep sleep. It wasn't easy but now several years later I am awake, thinking and in the moment. And not missing tv in the least. I wish you well.

[lemon80s]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I realized several years ago that tv was like an anesthetic for me. I would watch tv and my mind would go to sleep. So I stopped watching tv. It was a lot harder than I thought. So I would walk, ride my bike, kayak or read when ever I thought about watching tv. I also got rid of cable. It was like I woke up from a deep sleep. It wasn't easy but now several years later I am awake, thinking and in the moment. And not missing tv in the least. I wish you well.

Thanks for your reply. Glad to hear you found a good change for yourself.
The TV was just an example though (I only recently have a TV). I could just as well be staring out of the window. Or reading a book. Or a news article. Anything that takes me 'away'. I usually barely remember the stuff I read or saw too.

[montanan4ever]

Dissociation is something everyone does to some degree. "Highway hypnosis" is an example of the mild end of the spectrum.

Lots of people with trauma histories have "selective" memory that sometimes gets "too" selective, so to speak. Stuff gets pushed away behind barriers of forgetfulness, sometimes for no reason, sometimes because of triggers that are themselves forgotten, and sometimes for reasons that become clear later.

It's very common.

[volatile]

I also fog out a lot by playing video games all day but a lot of people do that. A lot of people have a favorite book that they read and think about a lot or a favirote TV show or movie. Everyone has things that distract them from life. It's a form of dissociating yes but it's not "bad".

I'm just curious, when you say your therapist caught you doing this.. thing.. what were you doing? You were watching tv in the therapists office?
Also not being able to recall what you said is actually not significant at all. You are not a computer capable of recalling every detail of every moment of your life. You're a human being and most of us can't recall a lot of things naturally.

Not to be rude but if you actually read what dissociation is then you won't be so confused.
Dissociation (psychology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[lemon80s]

Like I said in my other reply, watching tv or something like that is just one of the many examples. But it's just that my brain gets foggy and that no matter how badly I thought I wanted to do other stuff - I just can't.

And that foggyness happens a lot. It happened in T by me just 'zoning out' while we were having a talk. I just kinda disappear mentally. I can't explain.

I read about dissociation but thought I'd ask people that actually experience it. I know there's a scale on which people do it, from just normal daily drive to work to full blown personality split. I'm just trying to pinpoint what's going on with me. I just now realize I zone out a lot. And it does explain a lot of stuff from the past bunch of years. It would be nice to discuss this with people that have something alike going on to the same extend. Just: brain fog and mentally disappearing into wel.. nothingness. Habitually, without noticing it. And a gazillion times a day for no obvious reasons.

Oh well. It's okay if you all don't wanna talk about it. I just guess I'm glad I now have the words to describe what happens when I get into the weird tiredness without explanation. And when at so many other times I all at once am awake and able to use my mind. I just never understood how it can be such big differences. Like knowing you have a brain that works but then it shuts down on you constantly when you also KNOW FOR SURE you have the motivation to use it. It's been the most frustrating thing.

Rambling again.

[montanan4ever]

Zoning out happens not infrequently for people with attentional difficulties, too. It's not necessarily indicative of a dissociative disorder. I note particularly your comment about your brain shutting down despite the motivation to use it. That, too, happens in attentional problems like ADD.

[yellowted]

i understand what you are talking about, i get foggy a lot, sometimes it lasts all day with brief interludes for food! I tend to find it happens after a few consecutive busy days. i have to take a duvet day at least twice a week to prevent pressure sores on my bum as i can't walk, so i try and take them on the foggy days, so i don't have to explain why i can't do things that day! playing games and chat rooms on the computer in the morning leave me very foggy and wipes me out for the day, so now i only visit these in the evenings or on duvet days when i am in bed anyway.
i too get frustrated as although i am foggy and my body does not co-operate in things like sitting up or getting dressed, my brain still knows i should be doing things. but experience has tought me that if i fight the fog and get up/do things then i will end up breaking down in tears for no reason other than i am exhausted or frustrated because everything i try to do either goes wrong or i drop/sipll etc.
be kind to yourself. it is the only way, be patient, you will be more productive in the long term if you rest when needed than if you struggle on fighting against the fog.

foggy on its own could be a number of things, as can zoning out. dissociation can come in many forms too, so how dissociation affects one person may be different than how it affects another. best to work with your T on becoming aware of your episodes, once you are aware of them you can then work on recognising the triggers and warning signs, then you can work on how to stop them before they start.

hope this helps

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by lemon80s

Like I said in my other reply, watching tv or something like that is just one of the many examples. But it's just that my brain gets foggy and that no matter how badly I thought I wanted to do other stuff - I just can't.

And that foggyness happens a lot. It happened in T by me just 'zoning out' while we were having a talk. I just kinda disappear mentally. I can't explain.

I read about dissociation but thought I'd ask people that actually experience it. I know there's a scale on which people do it, from just normal daily drive to work to full blown personality split. I'm just trying to pinpoint what's going on with me. I just now realize I zone out a lot. And it does explain a lot of stuff from the past bunch of years. It would be nice to discuss this with people that have something alike going on to the same extend. Just: brain fog and mentally disappearing into wel.. nothingness. Habitually, without noticing it. And a gazillion times a day for no obvious reasons.

Oh well. It's okay if you all don't wanna talk about it. I just guess I'm glad I now have the words to describe what happens when I get into the weird tiredness without explanation. And when at so many other times I all at once am awake and able to use my mind. I just never understood how it can be such big differences. Like knowing you have a brain that works but then it shuts down on you constantly when you also KNOW FOR SURE you have the motivation to use it. It's been the most frustrating thing.

Rambling again.

your problem can be any number of things. there are literally thousands and millions of mental and physical along with normal diseases/disorders and things that can cause this.....

examples (not a diagnosis of your problems specifically, just a general list of mental physical and normal things that share the same symptoms you are having...)

Sleep deprivation
ADD
ADHD
Schizophrenia
anemia
bipolar disorder
not eating correctly for your body
learning disorders
high concentration
medications
depression
PTSD
seizure diseases/disorders
colds/flus/ /virus/bacterial infections
stress
over stimulation/excitement
anxiety
dissociation
depersonalization/derealization
Dissociative amnesia/dissociative fugue
unspecified Dissociative Disorder (aka DDNOS)
OSDD (other Specified Dissociative Disorder)
eating disorders
dehydration.......

and the list goes on, if you google your symptoms you will get over 2,350,000 results of what this can be (in general)

here on psych central we are not allowed to diagnose a persons problems, all we can do is tell you whether we have had the same problem and what our own treatment providers have called it in ourselves....

I have had these same problems. in........me.......my treatment providers call it many different things depending upon other accompanying symptoms....bipolar disorder, PTSD, multiple Sclerosis, sleep deprivation, psychosis, not eating enough, dehydration, sleep deprivation, stress, anxiety, depression, UDD, mania, over stimulation/high concentration shut down,.....

to find out what this is with in ......you......you will need to contact a treatment provider ie medical doctor, or mental health treatment provider in your off the computer location. they will be able to do some tests and evaluate your personal health issues that is done in your location for diagnosing medical and mental health problems.

[lemon80s]

I never asked for a diagnosis and I'm not thinking I have a dissociative disorder. I'm thinking I have dissociative behavior and am curious to hear how others that have it a bt more 'mildly' like I do experience this. It's really just a rambling/brainstorming thing. But nevermind I asked! Byebye.

[volatile]

Lemon, amandalouise doesn't realize how frustrating his replies can make people especially when he does his legal statement about diagnosing people on here..

I can relate about zoning out when talking to a T. I sometimes feel kind of "dazed" like I am somewhat dissociatied. I guess it's fogginess but mostly it's a dream like feeling which I don't think is noticeable to others at all. I have derealiziaztion and depersonalization issues but not saying we've got the same thing or anything. I mean mine is real bad and it causes me distress. I have memeory issues because a lot of the time I'm using selective memory. I pick and choose what to remember and what to discard as useless information which I started doing to save my own sanity a long time ago. I honestly do not care about what is going on most of the time and I do not care about what I don't remember.

It sounds like you have more of an attention issue like what was stated above. Maybe look into that as well, it couldn't hurt.

[yellowted]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

your problem can be any number of things. there are literally thousands and millions of mental and physical along with normal diseases/disorders and things that can cause this.....

examples (not a diagnosis of your problems specifically, just a general list of mental physical and normal things that share the same symptoms you are having...)

Sleep deprivation
ADD
ADHD
Schizophrenia
anemia
bipolar disorder
not eating correctly for your body
learning disorders
high concentration
medications
depression
PTSD
seizure diseases/disorders
colds/flus/ /virus/bacterial infections
stress
over stimulation/excitement
anxiety
dissociation
depersonalization/derealization
Dissociative amnesia/dissociative fugue
unspecified Dissociative Disorder (aka DDNOS)
OSDD (other Specified Dissociative Disorder)
eating disorders
dehydration.......

and the list goes on, if you google your symptoms you will get over 2,350,000 results of what this can be (in general)

here on psych central we are not allowed to diagnose a persons problems, all we can do is tell you whether we have had the same problem and what our own treatment providers have called it in ourselves....

I have had these same problems. in........me.......my treatment providers call it many different things depending upon other accompanying symptoms....bipolar disorder, PTSD, multiple Sclerosis, sleep deprivation, psychosis, not eating enough, dehydration, sleep deprivation, stress, anxiety, depression, UDD, mania, over stimulation/high concentration shut down,.....

to find out what this is with in ......you......you will need to contact a treatment provider ie medical doctor, or mental health treatment provider in your off the computer location. they will be able to do some tests and evaluate your personal health issues that is done in your location for diagnosing medical and mental health problems.

Amandalouise, what a pity you did not read the origional post, no where did it mention wanting a dx, maybe reading the origional and following posts carefully before you form a reply may help you form a more appropriate one in future rather than one which upsets the poster. people come here for support not to be upset.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by volatile

Lemon, amandalouise doesn't realize how frustrating his replies can make people especially when he does his legal statement about diagnosing people on here..

I can relate about zoning out when talking to a T. I sometimes feel kind of "dazed" like I am somewhat dissociatied. I guess it's fogginess but mostly it's a dream like feeling which I don't think is noticeable to others at all. I have derealiziaztion and depersonalization issues but not saying we've got the same thing or anything. I mean mine is real bad and it causes me distress. I have memeory issues because a lot of the time I'm using selective memory. I pick and choose what to remember and what to discard as useless information which I started doing to save my own sanity a long time ago. I honestly do not care about what is going on most of the time and I do not care about what I don't remember.

It sounds like you have more of an attention issue like what was stated above. Maybe look into that as well, it couldn't hurt.

I do understand how I word my posts can be frustrating for others..thats as far I can go on commenting on this issue due how a person posts falls under administrative issues and administrative issues are not allowed for discussion on the boards....

that said this site does allow a way for members to protect their self should they encounter this type of situation where they feel someone or their posts is a trigger for them....

you click on that members name tot he right of the triggering post.. this will bring you to that persons profile page....under their picture is the words ....user list.....clicking on that a small box opens...click on ......add to ignore list...

doing that will make it so that you no longer see the posts and poster you find offensive or triggering..

another option for dealing with triggering posts is reporting that post to the moderators.. the report button is to the left of that post. doing that will tell the moderators you have a problem with the post. they will read the post and decide whether that post is against their rules and needs to be edited or deleted.

[montanan4ever]

Well, you posted on a DID board and you got very rational responses to your question about very general symptoms. Self-diagnosis is rampant here. Perhaps you will have learned something from the responses.

[montanan4ever]

Support looks different for different people. Is it normal here to tell people how they should post? If so, I will learn to use the ignore button, because the only people who get to tell me how to post on a forum are its admins.

[amandalouise]

just want to point out something here..... if people reread the posters original posting they will find this question......

"So.. is this something like dissociative behavior or not?"

it is that statement which is why I went into detail about what mental and physical disorders share the same symptoms as the poster and about the diagnosis information that everyone is getting worked up about...

usually when I go into detail like this it is because I found such a question with in the original posters post or their title of their thread is worded with such a question, and I want people to be clear that I am speaking in .....general terms...., and following the sites rules that even though I am a treatment provider I cant make a diagnosis here.

[volatile]

It's nice to not be shut down every single time someone wants to discuss something. I understand wanting to stop misleading information and misdiagnoses but posting in such a way to purposely stall and end threads is not cool.

[lemon80s]

Thanks for all the posts. I'm glad for the different opinions and ideas as to what can cause my issues. Next time I'll just be patient and wait for the next session with T since appearantly these boards aren't meant for just discussing what goes on in your life and asking people what goes on in theirs. Or at least this particular part of the forum. I got a very strong sense of "nah you don't have what we have so bye bye!". Which seems really silly to me.

I'm done with this thread since it's not about my questions anymore at all. Bye.

[montanan4ever]

*sigh*

[Bloem]

Originally Posted by lemon80s

Hi folks,

I started therapy a few months ago and recently T and I realized I have this very bad habit. My initial 'diagnosis' was PTSD (but not with the anxiety and stuff) and Alexithymia. I just barely ever feel something and find it very hard to know what I feel. I don't get excited much, nor do I get sad or angry.

Anyhow, the bad habit - that really is super obvious now that T pointed it out is that I just 'fog my mind'. Like, a gazillion times a day when I think about something I should do for myself or when I talk about myself or anything to do with the 'core me'. I just get tired, am convinced I need to sleep or rest and just numb my mind with endless watching TV or other mindless entertainment. It's caused me a lot of frustration because there are a lot of things I wanna do in life, but I am so stuck in this habit. It's crazy how you can do something like that to yourself without knowing it though. Viewing myself as intelligent and self aware and then only now realizing I do this. It's awesome that I figured out I do this now though I guess. It alleviates some of the frustration over being so stuck.

Today in session T paid attention to when I did it and tried to snap me out of it, and I noticed I got really anxious. It's the first time I'm ever even trying to get out of it since I only realized I do it recently and im 28 lol. The anxiety was scary cus I am mostly so numb I don't get anxious like that so quickly.

So, I don't feel like there's different versions of me, though I guess there's the one where I am crystal clear and functioning on a super high lever with work and social contact and then there's the me that sits around doing nothing and not caring much about anything. But I never felt like they were two different me's. So.. is this something like dissociative behavior or not? I guess I should have asked T. She only said it's a 'common psychological thing' that people who had a bad childhood like me sometimes get into the habit of doing.

Sorry for the long ramble. Just looking for answers!

Edit: Oh, I also just have very bad memory. People always tell me I said something when I don't remember. But I never understood that, just decided to blame it on my lack of care for such trivialities. But to be fair, it's a LOT of stuff I don't really remember. Guess I am in the fog a lot.

I dont know if it specific dissociative behavior but I recognize it. In the past I was so active with work and social contact. I felt driven by something what did not feel like the 'cor me' and at other moments I could make my mind numb when i needed to do something for myself. I never felt like there were different me's but i felt there where different states of me. I also forgot a lot but that was so normal that i did not think much of it. Now I know that I have DID I understand it better. So for me it's sometimes but not always a kind of dissociative behavior being in different states and being aware of this states, as if I'm there and another part of me to.

Bloem