[innocentjoy]

Just wondered if anyone had any suggestions for me? I see a therapist usually every week, and Thursday is my last apt with him until September. At the same time my case worker, who has been my rock through the last few months, is away for four weeks for surgery. She'll be back near the end of August.

Last thursday I had a hard session with my t. He started talking to the 9 year old, who is so angry. She is the angry protector, and is hiding what happened to me when I was 8 (still no idea what actually happened) at school. Anytime we get close, she will lash out and say as many hurtful things as she can so that people will leave me alone. Anyways, I was afraid to be rude to him, so I started censoring some of what she said, and then ended up answering for her at the end bc she was too angry.

Afterward, he mentioned that he thinks I'm keeping memories from him bc I am too embarrassed to tell him (which wasn't true, I actually can't remember anything, just very vague thoughts, etc). He also mentioned my feelings towards someone (family member) might change over time and I might learn to be angry with him, instead of being loyal and protecting him. the 9 year old was sooo mad after the meeting, and now distrusts him completely, and keeps telling me that she is only willing to talk to him if I'll let her say exactly what she wants.

The problem is, I'm afraid of this for a few reasons. I know she will not be helpful. In fact I know she will be as difficult as she can, to try and find out whether he's trustful, or whatever. And she will be rude (she was going to call him a disgusting old man last week, but I wouldn't let her). And I'm afraid if I become difficult he will not want me as a patient anymore, bc that has been my experience in the past when things get harder.

But I need to know what happened, and who it happened with, in order to move on and heal. So in a way, I need her to trust me at the very least.

Okay, this is really confusing, I'm hoping that other people with the diagnosis might understand more than people who hear it and think I'm just crazy-thinking.

My question I guess is: What would be the best use of my time with him this week, before he's away for an entire month.

Aside from medication questions, those are really my biggest worries...
Thanks,
IJ

[Claritytoo]

I think it would help if you discussed your concerns about him becoming frustrated with some of your alters and that you are concerned he might not want you as a patient because of that. This is important to you and something he would want to be aware of. I think it might also help in your sessions. Take care.

[AllHere63]

Does your therapist know your 9 year old is your protector alter and puts up an angry front as her coping style? Perhaps you need to be honest with your therapist but do it now only if you think you can remain stable while he's gone. If not, you could always tell him you have something to discuss with him when he returns (and take several sessions to do it if necessary). I would discuss this week whatever will give you the most stability during the next month.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by innocentjoy

Just wondered if anyone had any suggestions for me? I see a therapist usually every week, and Thursday is my last apt with him until September. At the same time my case worker, who has been my rock through the last few months, is away for four weeks for surgery. She'll be back near the end of August.

Last thursday I had a hard session with my t. He started talking to the 9 year old, who is so angry. She is the angry protector, and is hiding what happened to me when I was 8 (still no idea what actually happened) at school. Anytime we get close, she will lash out and say as many hurtful things as she can so that people will leave me alone. Anyways, I was afraid to be rude to him, so I started censoring some of what she said, and then ended up answering for her at the end bc she was too angry.

Afterward, he mentioned that he thinks I'm keeping memories from him bc I am too embarrassed to tell him (which wasn't true, I actually can't remember anything, just very vague thoughts, etc). He also mentioned my feelings towards someone (family member) might change over time and I might learn to be angry with him, instead of being loyal and protecting him. the 9 year old was sooo mad after the meeting, and now distrusts him completely, and keeps telling me that she is only willing to talk to him if I'll let her say exactly what she wants.

The problem is, I'm afraid of this for a few reasons. I know she will not be helpful. In fact I know she will be as difficult as she can, to try and find out whether he's trustful, or whatever. And she will be rude (she was going to call him a disgusting old man last week, but I wouldn't let her). And I'm afraid if I become difficult he will not want me as a patient anymore, bc that has been my experience in the past when things get harder.

But I need to know what happened, and who it happened with, in order to move on and heal. So in a way, I need her to trust me at the very least.

Okay, this is really confusing, I'm hoping that other people with the diagnosis might understand more than people who hear it and think I'm just crazy-thinking.

My question I guess is: What would be the best use of my time with him this week, before he's away for an entire month.

Aside from medication questions, those are really my biggest worries...
Thanks,
IJ

Originally Posted by innocentjoy

And she will be rude (she was going to call him a disgusting old man last week, but I wouldn't let her)

thats great that you have this kind of control and can communicate with this alter..

my suggestion is something I have done before on the rare occasions when I knew an alter was upset....talk with the therapist. let him know there is an alter that is a bit upset and would like to talk with him but you are afraid to let go of control because you are afraid the therapist wont work with you anymore.

this way the therapist can tell you whether he will talk with the alter and let the alter unload their feelings too.

if the therapist says no they wont listen to the alter then since you know what the alter wants to say, you can tell the therapist yourself what the alter is feeling /wants to say and what the trigger was. kind of like you are the mediator between the therapist and the alter.

sometimes if the therapist didnt know I had others inside of me and I knew an alter was upset. I would just tell the therapist how that alter was feeling and what triggered the situation as if it was me not the alter. this way the alter who was listening would see that the situation was being worked on and the therapist wouldnt think I was weird or crazy.

[innocentjoy]

Thanks, that helps. I like the idea of speaking as though it were just me. That will help me with others who don't understand the alters. My therapist was responsive, and we worked a bit on the issue, and no I am on a break, which I'm actually looking forward to. I think it will be nice to have some time off where we don't go deep into issues for a few weeks.
His favourite saying when I bring up things that upset me (like the feelings of the alter, or my feelings about him leaving me) is to just say "it is what it is" and attach no judgement to it. At first it was hard without hearing the reassuring "it's okay" along with it, but it is easier for me to agree with that, and use it on my own, than validating everything. Just accepting it as the truth for now, i guess.