[canuck1971]

It happens every year, I get triggered by anniversary dates coming up. I should be used to it, but every year I think it will be different yet it isn't.

Just tired of getting triggered so easily. So many things have happened in past and I can't seem to control the nightmares.

It is like my brain in stuck on repeat and every year I remember more and more of what happened when I was younger. I don't even know what is real anymore.

I called my psychologist and I have appt with her tomorrow, but now not even sure if it will help.

Part of me wants to just give up, part of me is saying I can't trust anyone, and another part is thinking none of the memories are true.

I get up every morning and dread facing the day, yet then a part of me just gets up and just goes through the motions.

Then last week at psychiatrist's office, another therapist opens the door while we were still in session, we got triggered big time, not sure why. On top of the previous trigger of a bunch of teenagers hanging out at entrance of doctor's office, which freaked me out as well.

Just triggers upon triggers lately, on top of anniversary reaction. Just too much sometimes.

Not sure what the point is really.

[Claritytoo]

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling so. What do you mean by "whats the point" ? And have you told your t this. It's all so complicated but our systems were created by us to protect us. Somewhere in you is the strength and the will to survive. This is true for all of us. At some point the chaos will calm and you will be back to feeling better. For me knowing this helps me to continue to work with my t and get on with living. I truly hope you feel better soon.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by canuck1971

It happens every year, I get triggered by anniversary dates coming up. I should be used to it, but every year I think it will be different yet it isn't.

Just tired of getting triggered so easily. So many things have happened in past and I can't seem to control the nightmares.

It is like my brain in stuck on repeat and every year I remember more and more of what happened when I was younger. I don't even know what is real anymore.

I called my psychologist and I have appt with her tomorrow, but now not even sure if it will help.

Part of me wants to just give up, part of me is saying I can't trust anyone, and another part is thinking none of the memories are true.

I get up every morning and dread facing the day, yet then a part of me just gets up and just goes through the motions.

Then last week at psychiatrist's office, another therapist opens the door while we were still in session, we got triggered big time, not sure why. On top of the previous trigger of a bunch of teenagers hanging out at entrance of doctor's office, which freaked me out as well.

Just triggers upon triggers lately, on top of anniversary reaction. Just too much sometimes.

Not sure what the point is really.

I get this way too with anniversaries, only with me because Im integrated now its one mind doing all the questioning and paranoia of trust. one thing that helps me is doing something memorable and different on that anniversary. that way the next time it comes around theres some happy memories with it.

example I would dread the anniversary where I witnessed a murder of a client. on that day there after and a week or s before hand my PTSD symptoms would go through the roof. panic attacks, worry, nightmares, flashbacks hypervigilence...

last year my therapist told me do something different something memorable.. so I did. I packed up care packages for the homeless and delivered them, I enrolled in an art class with the college, and I went to the statue of liberty.

this year when the anniversary rolled around my thoughts were not so focused on the murder of my client. I also had the memories of how happy the homeless were to receive my care packages, how happy it made me to do that for them, the memory of my art class and even more excited about picking out the next advanced art class and many ideas of what to visit this year... the statue, the twin towers memorial, or even the art museum. I had less panic/anxiety/no nightmares and only a few flashbacks this year. maybe next year I wont have any panic/anxiety/flashbacks..

maybe you can try that....plan something different and memorable for that anniversary, so that next year you will not only have the negative, but also positives to look back on.